by ff_b

Dave the bovine-human hybrid awoke with a pain in his left side, reaching down under his covers to discover a surgically-precise slit from which one of his ribs had been deftly extracted. The wound had been cauterized and was still somewhat numb, although his pain upon movement suggested that he was regaining sensitivity.

"Damned aliens!," he cursed. "They took me rib!-Who do they think I am, bloody Adam?-Just because I'm part bovine doesn't mean that those grays can experiment on me and harvest my organs and body parts any time they bloody well please!" Not intimidated by the alien intrusion, Dave determined to show the extraterrestrials that he meant business.-He took them to court, calling the law offices of Johnny Cochroach!

Later in court, Johnny Cochroach waved his feelers as he pleaded his client's case before the judge. "What value can we set on a human life, Your Honor?," he asked rhetorically. "It is inherently priceless, is it not?-And so we cannot set a price on the value of a human, err, hybrid's rib, either! Therefore, we ask in settlement of this outrage the sum total of the alien's assets!" Johnny Cochroach clicked his mandibles together for dramatic emphasis as an excited murmuring ran through the courtroom spectators.

The defendant, Belzar of Remulac, drummed his slender fingers on the courtroom table and sighed through his barely-perceptible nostrils. Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this, his Momma said.

The judge regarded the alien coldly. "Your defense, Mr. Belzar, is that you are of a superior race, and have come to perform your unspeakable experiments upon denizens of this planet in order to hyridize and enhance your own race's genes?"

Belzar blinked his large dark eyes. "What you say is crudely put and represents an incomplete understanding, but is essentially correct, and I do in fact agree with your assessment," he intoned with no emotion.

Johnny Cochroach spread four of his limbs expansively before the court. "What more need I say, Your Honor?," he submitted. "And need I remind this court that cattle mutilations have occurred by the thousands in North America for decades? This is an affront to all those of the bovine persuasion, and I would urge that this court take the opportunity to use this case as an example of behavior which cannot and will not be tolerated!"

"So ordered!," declared the judge, banging her gavel. "This court finds the defendant guilty of grievous bodily assault with intent to maim, and remands the alien to a correctional facility until a proper assessment can be made of damages!"

"Well played, old man!," snorted Dave the bovine hybrid as he clapped Johnny Cochroach on the carapace and left the courtroom to look at a Jaguar coupe that he had long fancied.

Well, ain't that a kick in the head!, thought Belzar in some incomprehensible alien tongue which we may only roughly translate here. He was led away to be incarcerated, which was of course an exercise in futility...

...and that night, the brain of Johnny Cochroach and the uterus of the judge would be surgically extracted, right at about the time that the alien mothership slipped quietly into earth orbit to begin the sterilization of planet earth in preparation for alien colonization. The inhabitants of that ship began lowing as their newly-transfused bovine genes began to assert themselves...