So the other day I met an Elder One from Beyond the Gate. Yeah. He's actually a pretty cool guy, we still hang out. His cultists are dicks though. Well, were.
Snacky stars in:
So there I was, just walking down the road, minding my own business, not bothering anyone, certainly not insulting a bunch of nerds in an old book store who were looking at an old leather-bound book filled with Latin or Sumerian or Australian or some shit. Definitely not taunting the nerds by calling them nerds and saying that if they want to read dead languages they should go read romance novels because love is dead and no one will ever love them and if they think that someone will love them she will rip their heart out like the cruel bitch she is, ripping out other's hearts because she doesn't have one of her own. I digress. So as I walked out of the store, half-crying half-laughing, but all-amazing, I turned around and saw a leather-bound book, flying toward my face. I thought "huh, that's weird. What's a book doing that for?" before I passed out. Due to blunt trauma to the face area.
I awoke in the trunk of a small car, and not one of quality. It smelled like Cheetos, old clothes, and self-loathing. "Oh god, how did I get into my own trunk? Why am I hog tied? Is this some new sex thing I'm doing?" All these thoughts raced through my head ad my body was tossed up and down by the car, which had poor shock absorption and was on a damn bumpy road. To this day, I wonder how I fit in the trunk with all my limbs intact. I have ruled out the sex thing though, I tried it afterwards and it was too weird for me. Anyway, I was in the trunk of the car, tied up with duct tape covering my mouth, and being shaken like James Bond's martinis. Prospects were not looking good. I sat there and played count the future chiropractic bills until the trunk was opened and I saw them. THE NERDS. Turns out that they were actually also bodybuilders and the one who hit me in the face with the book bench pressed 1000 pounds daily. Not all at once, but in three sessions. 300+ pounds at a time. Think about it. They pulled me out of the trunk (and not too gently, I might add), and dragged me into a nearby marsh. I was clearly going to be murdered by these weird, bodybuilding, book-reading, nerdy nerds.
The next thing happened in a bit of a blur. Before I fully realized it, I was in the middle of a weird, slightly concave stone circle with weirder symbols around the edge and a drain type thingy in the middle. The nerds were in weird-ass robes and wore weird-ass necklaces. They were chanting in that language from the book, and I started to feel sick. I got sicker when one of them pulled a shiny knife out of his robe. He started toward me, but he tripped over his robe like the nerd he was, and fell on the knife. His blood flowed to the drain thingy and into it. "Oh shit," said one of the nerds. Then, the humming started. I wanted to throw up as soon as I heard the horrible, inhuman humming. It was like someone, no, something decided to hum "Break on Through (To the Other Side)", but couldn't get the pitch right and also was not human. It was awful. I felt like the insides of my head were being drained out of my ears, and I think the nerds felt the same thing. A rumbling, like some sort of earthquake (a ten fucking kajillion on the Richter scale), started throughout the swamp, but I couldn't hear any frogs or swamp creatures ribbiting or any shit like that through that sickening humming. It was then when He came through the drain.