A/n: Okay well I was in a writing slump which sucked and my story 28 Things I Learned From Dating Sydney Pendleton lacking motivation SO I went and decided to read some stories on fictionpress and some books to rejuvenate my creativity. I was reading The Inexplicable State of Being There by big. break. and. laryngitis. I ended up checking out her profile and she asked for someone to write her a story and here I am-writing yet another story or rather a really long one-shot.
When I was little I used to steal candy bars from stores whenever I went shopping with my mom. My dad wasn't around much since he was a doctor and my mom stayed at home. She never found out that I stole things until I turned sixteen and stole one of my neighbor's cars. I guess my kleptomania branched from my childhood angst due to my dad dying in a car crash around the time I was ten.
My mom had to find a job and she worked all the time. God my mother worked hard. We went from being rich and living in a mansion to living in an apartment and being lower middle class citizens oin California.
At the time when I was little I stole things because it was a fun thrill of being rebellious and whatnot but then when we became less wealthy it was because I needed to steal some things to get what I wanted. I got a job when I turned sixteen to help support our family of two but I had to run, take the bus and metro to get around since we couldn't afford another car.
But I mean running and walking everywhere did help me. I was one of the fastest kids at my school, Westwood High.
But now high school is over for me and I'm going to UCLA.
Luckily my parents set aside a college trust fund for me well before my dad died.
Out of my group of friends I'm the youngest and shortest at five foot nine and 18 years old. The official baby of the group.
When I was around the age of six- when I started stealing candy bars- I got really mad at my mom while we were shopping because she told me my dad wasn't going to be home for my first soccer game. I ran out of the store to the nearest park. I ended up crying under this big oak tree and this baseball rolls over to me.
That's when I met and became friends with Levi Krasinski. He was eight- two years older and asked me what was wrong. I told him what happened while he walked me back to the store where my mom was.
And from Levi I met Oliver McDonald. And from me, Oliver and Levi met Blake Steele who introduced us to Sawyer Evanston and Karsen Cooper.
My little sister is deaf; she's a freshman in a special high school for deaf children. She's really nice around me and our parents but she's really good at being a bitch to everyone else. She's had this whole idea that all other hearing people besides us have no idea what she's going through and yet they still think they do know.
She's really bitter but she's a good person. I've always been the nice one- of my family and of my friends. I don't try to be nice- honestly I can't help it.
It's like I can't help but think nice thoughts.
Out of the group- or wolfpack- I'm sort of like the mother despite that I'm the tallest at six foot four.
I met Jack because I saw this skinny blonde boy near where my baseball landed; he was crying and I immediately felt concerned. I had no clue who he was but I went over to talk to him. That's basically how the wolfpack started.
We're all different and we're all a little messed up. But who isn't?
It didn't matter that Jack was two years younger than me and Oliver, or that Karsen, the last to join the pack, was three years older than Jack. It didn't matter how tall we all were or what we looked like but in the end we all clicked and became this family.
None of that mattered than and it doesn't matter now. Even with us all going to different colleges.
Of course I'm the farthest away from home though. I go to Brown University all the way in Rhode Island. It sucks that I'm the furthest away from home.
But I don't regret going to school so far away from everybody. I don't regret anything; I don't even regret that I'm still a virgin at 20 years old.
But hell no I'm religious-nor am I anti religion or anything.
I just never actually had the courage to ask out the girl I'm in love with.
It sucks that the girl I love, Sierra Pope, has a girlfriend. Yeah a girlfriend.
What a fucking situation I landed myself in right?
I grew up an army brat, moving from place to place until I was twelve-my mom couldn't handle all this moving and not being able to spend time as a family. They got divorced, my dad is still single and my mom is remarried. I stayed in Cali with my mom and I met Blake Steele my neighbor who introduced me to his best friends. I ended up becoming one of them- a member of the wolfpack at least that's what I deemed it-because being the oldest I had to be the boss.
Then three years after making a permanent residence with my mom I met Bailey Daniels. She was the new student who moved here in the middle of my freshman year. Can you say, hot beyond belief?
She walked into my English class and not only did many young men get instant boners that day- I also met my best friend.
I instantly clicked with her, I was a smart ass, sarcastic flirt and she was a headstrong, witty bitch.
God even though I'm dating someone, I still love Bailey Daniels. No one can seem to compare to her. But of course she's off going to school at Georgetown in Washington D.C. while I'm in New York attending NYU.
It sucks balls but I refuse to drift apart from her- or any of my other best friends for that matter.
Back in high school when I wasn't chilling with the pack I'd spend all my time with Bailey. Okay well all the time I could manage.
Bailey was the Valedictorian of our class. She spent all her time working to get the best grades; she even got a 4.78 GPA which pissed Blake off because he ended up Valedictorian of his and Sawyer's year. Actually Blake's speech sucked ass compared to Bailey's- and I'm not being biased despite that I'm in love with Bailey.
But of course the cliché ensues.
Bailey doesn't know that I love her- at least I never told her. She might've figured it out since she's like a genius but if she did she's good at hiding it.
So yeah, I'm dating this girl name Chelsea- I don't even know her last name actually.
I only agreed to go on a date with her because Bailey is like really into this guy that she's been seeing except I don't know his name, I've only seen picture of them. Of course he's not nearly attractive as me.
Hell I look like fucking Adam Brody and have an amazing sense of style-which earned me 'most attractive'.
The mystery man she's dating is even shorter than me- a ginger and just ugly. Especially compared to Bailes, I mean really. She's gorgeous. God I love her blue eyes.
She used to be a part of the group, and the group is just full of sexy men. Which means she's like the female version of us. If that makes sense.
What I'm really trying to say is that she's out of this guy's league and despite that she's out of my league I still swear that I'll win her over one day.
Even though Levi is the virgin of the group I never had time for girls. I've had sex like most other guys in high school but I was always too busy caring about other things. I was a tri-athlete; the star running back for the Westwood Warhawks, I was on the Varsity wrestling team since freshman year and I made the Varsity soccer team sophomore year. I was also in the top orchestra and played the bass- on occasions the double bass and I played the bass guitar in a band that I was in with Levi.
But besides that I only really started to date when I was a junior, I dated this local college girl. It didn't last long and was mostly sexual. I de-stressed by having sex with her but then after a while I didn't really care. We broke up and I continued my tirade of doing everything I could possibly do.
Except I wasn't that smart I had a 3.5-which was what also made me an honors tri-athlete and deemed 'parent's dream'.
It was weird because I did everything and yet I'm the laziest of us the six of us.
Right now I'm at Julliard in New York City and when I'm not sleeping or playing my bass I'm chilling with Karsen. Who by the way is totally hung up over his other best friend Bailey.
It sucks that I have to tell Kar that Bailey came by and told me that she's engaged to her boyfriend- well fiancé now.
It never bothered me that out of a group of white guys I'm the half white-half Asian one.
Sometimes I forget that I'm even part Asian.
But then I could never forget Stella Hoang.
Who's full Asian by the way.
She's the girl that got away and despite that I was the smartest in my class I never managed to figure out things between us.
I didn't really tell the guys about her. I don't really talk about my relationships but it's not like I had any anyway. That's right ladies and gents; I've never had a girlfriend.
But hey at least I'm not a virgin like Levi.
I go to UC Berekely which is great because I'm taking excellent classes for the trumpet, we've got a pretty good baseball program and Major League scouts are still looking out for me and I'm majoring in physics.
Sawyer was definitely the most serious about being the athletic guy but I was even more serious about baseball. I'm the only to actually think about a career in professional sports- which is weird because we all played at least one sport. Oliver is all over lacrosse and even started the first lacrosse team at Westwood. Jack had track, Levi played baseball with me and basketball- but he was pressured into joining the team since he's six foot four, Karsen played soccer and Sawyer had football, wrestling and soccer.
Even though we were all athletes somehow we didn't bond over it at all.
It was more like we were meant to be friends for no specific reason. Like when you love someone you're supposed to love them not because you can name everything you like about them, but because there's just something about them you can't exactly name.
It's like how things are with Stella. Not matter how many times she breaks my heart or how long we've been apart I still love her. I don't understand why but I do and there's no way to stop it.
I'm probably the most different from Levi but I think I'm closest to him.
To describe Levi it's basically the three V's, vegetarian, vegan and virgin.
One of the few things that we have in common is that I'm also a vegetarian. But otherwise I'm the farthest thing from a virgin. In fact I got around almost as much as the school whore Sierra Pope but that's only because she's bisexual. Sierra and I were voted 'Class Crush'. It sucks that Lev is so into her though but whatever.
I don't drink; my father did enough of that for the both of us.
I don't smoke, Karsen does that.
But I do really like piercings. I've got my nose pierced, collar bone- horizontally though, and a spider bite piercing. It's not exactly something I do for the thrill or pain or whatever. I just like it.
It's something I just do. Like how I wear this silver ring on my thumb and another on my right hand middle finger.
Like how I wear really simple clothes, plain t-shirts and slim jeans- sometimes skinny jeans and I wear my black Vans everyday no matter what.
If I want to do something I do it. If I want to do someone I'll do her.
Like how I wanted, nay needed, a lacrosse team and I made one. I found a sponsor, two guys to coach and got it cleared with the school board.
And when I found out that Autumn Pyland was pregnant I just had to be her friend.
It interested me how she didn't give a shit what anyone thought about her. She was a statistic, pregnant at sixteen and the father of the baby left her.
She held her ground though and for some reason I stepped up and stood by Autumn's side during her pregnancy.
I don't regret it though.
Autumn and I never dated, we never had sex, hell we never even kissed.
It wasn't like Levi and Sierra though.
I admired Autumn. She was strong and I wasn't. And she knew that I was into her but she never thought it was anything serious.
She wasn't my best friend- like how Karsen and Bailey are- she just became my rock. The good thing in my life that I could always turn to if I needed to get my footing so I didn't fall.
I put on this façade like I was fine and that nothing was wrong- because I was that strong six foot two badass with piercings and bleach blonde hair to everyone else.
But to Autumn I was the broken boy who needed to be fixed.
I'll always be the baby of the group, like how how Karsen is the father.
But it's not that way because of our age- it's because that's who we are.
Karsen has this protective thing about him where he has to be the provider and care-taker. Which I think stemmed from his friendship with Bailey.
Then Levi took the position as mother because he was clearly the most caring and sweetest.
While I was the baby because I always seemed to be the one who needed help; despite that Blake was diagnosed as bipolar when he was little.
But sometimes even though he says he takes his medication I don't always believe him. I see him and some days he looks like the world means nothing, like he's deep down in this hole.
I worry about him but I do, not all the time but sometimes. I don't say anything about it because I know it might be about Stella-or something worse.
The only time Blake mentioned Stella-or any feelings for a girl was in ninth grade.
He was having one of those days where he's at that high point. He was walking with Stella- everybody loved her and she was clearly the prettiest Asian girl in our grade possibly the whole school. He looked really happy with her- like exuberant. They parted ways, I asked if anything was between them and all he said was that she made him really happy.
I for one was shocked. Blake showed less interest in girls than Sawyer. Back in grade school Blake didn't even give out Valentines. The only yearbooks he signed were ours.
He openly pushed girls away as opposed to Sawyer who didn't bother noticing girls.
We're basically a messed up group of guys with an ongoing love drama rama.
You see I'm currently dating this girl Brooke Allsopp but I don't know things just don't seem to be working between us.
And the reason why things aren't working is because I'm gay. Whoops.
So Sierra is bisexual. And was deemed class whore- unofficially- and class crush officially.
God she's gorgeous-dark almost black hair, fair skin and always rosy cheeks, blue eyes and perfectly pouty lips. She's this cute height of five foot three and had the perfect hourglass figure with the skinniest waist.
And then there was the way she made me feel.
She made my heart drop and butterflies appear in my stomach, she got me tongue tied and terrified and she made me smile like no one else could.
Many guys, and girls, wanted her because of the way she looked but I needed her because of the way I felt about her.
But then she'd have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and it seemed like I never got a chance to be with her.
Now she goes to NYU with Karsen actually and she's good friends with Bailey Daniels.
"Yeah?" I turn around to see who's speaking, "S-Sierra! Hey!" I nervously scratch my neck.
She smiles. God I wish she won 'best smile' with me instead of 'class crush' because then at least we'd have a picture together forever in the yearbook…yeah pathetic I know.
"Do you think you could help me with my math homework?"
"Yeah!" I say a bit too loudly before I accidentally elbow the person's head who's walking behind me, "Sorry!" I call out to them. I pull on my ear and I can feel the heat rising to my face.
Sierra smiles, "Great-"
"Oh wait…I can't. I have a basketball game and extra practice all week." God Junior year kicked my ass.
"Oh okay, I can find somebody else."
"N-no! Uh wait-"
"It's okay Lev, really. Don't sweat it." She gives me a soft smile.
I sigh, God she's probably going to have sex with whomever tutors her and I'll be sad and pathetic.
"I'm really sorry."
"I told you its fine. Good luck with your game though." She leaves me with a wave and I run my fingers through my shaggy dirty blonde hair.
By math class the next day Sierra is sitting at her usual seat with Harmony Blake beside her and I'm at the back corner next to Max Larman- a kid who no one talks to in this class but me. He's really nice and smart and he was a pretty cool kid to me despite his acne.
"God Harmony you're so annoying." Sierra groans.
"Sierra! Seriouslyyy," Harmony whines, "Hang out with me."
"Bitch please," Sierra turns her body away from her, "I don't like you."
I chuckle. Her honesty amazes me. Sierra comes off as a bitch to some people but I like it.
Harmony scoffs and makes a weird noise before silently returning to her math.
"Sierra is really hot." Max whispers to me.
"Yeah bud she is." I stare at Sierra's form-perfect curves and yet so skinny. Damn.
It's a bit ironic how I'm the virgin and Sierra's the only girl I want and the most sexually experienced- more than Oliver the resident player.
"I wish I had a chance with her, but do you know who I really want to date?"
"Who?" I ask amused.
"Her name is Maxine Summers and I wish she'd notice me. At least Sierra says hi to me sometimes." He sighs.
Ah Maxine Summers, the female version of Max. Maxine is in band with Blake- she doesn't have acne but she doesn't have a fashion sense unfortunately.
"That's cute Max and Maxine. I could hook you two up." I nod affirmatively.
"Really?" He looks at me surprised.
"Definitely, my friend Blake is in the band with her."
Our teacher interrupts us, "Okay class go ahead and finish the packet with a partner."
I turn to Max but I look up when I notice Sierra walking over this way.
"Hey Lev, Max." She grins, "God I hate Harmony," She rolls her eyes, "Can I work with you guys?"
I'm a bit shocked, my mouth hanging open. "Uh yeah, sure, definitely."
The kid sitting in front of us gets up to move so Sierra can sit there but Max gets up.
"Here Sierra, sit in my seat." He offers.
"Thanks Max." She smiles at him and I can't help but feel a twang of jealousy. I mean I know I'm attractive, I've got an athletic but not bulky build, and I dress fairly well. I wear skinny jeans but I sag a bit too much and I wear band t-shirts or plain t's, some plaid and sweaters too.
I can't help but feel like I'm uglier around Sierra though.
"Levi-"Sierra puts a hand on my forearm and I tense up a bit.
"You're really cute you know that? Like so good looking."
She bites her lip and I clear my throat, "So…math…"
"Sierra, do you know Maxine Summers?" Max asks thankfully interrupting.
"Yeah I met her when I was in band freshman year. Why?" Sierra gets this sly smile and devilish look on her face.
"I like her and I really wish she'd notice me."
"You were in band?" I interject.
"That's really cute Max and yeah I was. I used to play the clarinet." She looks down and scribbles down some stuff on her paper. I look at her and the way he long eyelashes graze her cheeks.
Sierra laughs and rests her cheek on her hand, "No she isn't a sexually active band geek. But you Max you could make her into one."
"Sierra you just read my mind."
I chuckle and finish the first row of math problems. I shift my leg and my knee bumps into Sierra's thigh.
"Oh uh s-sorry." I scratch my cheek and look at the wall.
And that's how a lot of situations went with Sierra. I'd get nervous and ruin things or someone who miraculously be there to take me or her away.
"Hey Kar," Sawyer pats my on the back as I set my coffee cup down.
"Hey Bro, what's the news?"
I type up two sentences and then sip some more coffee.
"Kar I think you should put out your cig and hand me the coffee."
"What? Why?" I wrinkle my face in disgust.
Sawyer reaches over the table, grabs my cup and rests a let on top of the other.
I sigh and put my smoke out but I leave my laptop open.
"So," Sawyer sips my coffee, "Damn you need to use less sugar. But anyway I was at our apartment right and I was packing up my guitar for class all nonchalant and whatnot. Right as I open the door there's Bailey."
"Woah wait Bailey dropped by? Why didn't you tell me earlier-"
"It was really early in the morning and you were busy fucking your girlfriend. So yeah, Bailes came by and she told me something…important."
I give his look that says 'tell me already' because I really feel like punching Sawyer if he doesn't get to the point.
"Bailey's boyfriend- Gareth – asked her to marry him." Sawyer purses his lips in a sad smile before drinking some more coffee.
"Wh-what?" I look around, um no that can't be true.
"That's a lie."
"Not even, would I lie? Especially about this?"
"No…" I rub my forehead, "But it's only been like what a year? He can't be that serious."
"What Bailes say?" my brows furrow.
"She didn't know what to say. So she came by to talk to you."
Of course Bailey drove all this way for something like that. I know she wouldn't want to talk about this any other way but in person.
"God, ugh. Is she still here?"
"No she drove back to DC but she says she'll talk to you this week and maybe see you this weekend. But Bailey doesn't know that I told you that she got proposed to. So don't tell her you know."
"What! Hold the fuck up, did she say yes or no though? Did she tell him that she had to think about it or-?"
"I don't know! I didn't ask, she didn't say." He shrugs.
"What the fuck not?" I shout, my eyes practically popping out of my head.
"Bailey isn't my best friend." He sighs, "Look dude, I know you love her and all but you really don't have the right to tell her to not marry the guy if you don't plan on marrying her yourself."
Fuck, it's when Saywer Evanston gives me good love related advice that I know I'm screwed.
I've always prided myself for being the least romantically involved out of the wolfpack. Back in high school most people thought it was Blake since he never even spoke of having any feelings for any anyone…at all. But then I know he's in love with someone especially the girl he lost his virginity to and repeatedly had sex with.
He never spoke of it but of course Blake goes to parties and he always ends up sleeping with someone.
But the thing is he's really good at keeping it was a secret. It's creepy because all these girls say they slept with him- because they obviously wanted to be the one sleeping with him- but Blake denies it.
So I'm pretty sure it's the same girl but I never actually asked about it.
Now that I'm thinking about it I really want to know who it is.
"Hey Evanston, what's up?"
I hold onto my side as I lean against the wall, "Just waiting for the practice room to open up. You sound breathless, hot sex?"
Blake chuckles, "Nah I just finished at the batting cages here."
"Hm cool…so speaking of sex, who was that girl you hooked up with in high school?"
"Wow sawyer, how very smooth of you. Why do you ask?" I hear Blake set his phone down somewhere and some Velcro. I'm guess he's going to bat while we're talking but that's nothing new.
" Just reminiscing. So who was it?"
"Umm…" I hear the oh so familiar sound of metal bat on baseball.
"It was just one girl right? You never said anything about it but I always figured it was. I'm right right?"
He chuckles, "Yeah it was."
I can tell he tapped his bat to his shoes.
"So who was it?" I tap my fingers on my bass case. God whoever that jackass is that's in there needs to get out.
"Come on dude, we're best friends. Can I please just get to know who has your virginity?"
"Stella." He grunts.
"What? Stella Hoang? The really hot one and dated drum major Micah Kim? The one who was voted biggest flirt and homecoming queen? The one who-"
"Yes! Yes, that Stella." He shouts before hitting another baseball.
"God damn Blake! How come you never told me? Or anyone one else?"
"Well Oliver knows I lost my virginity to her. He saw us right after we slept together. Which if I could've prevented I would've."
"Huh…" I make a face, the hits keep coming! How can this be possible? No wonder he never spoke about Stell- it must've broken his heart to see her around so many guys. Sure Stella isn't a whore- actually I thought she barely had sex but she does have a lot of man friends.
But damn Blake went to parties almost every week and got laid almost every week too. How is any of this possible? My mind is officially blown.
"Okay well it's always been Stels right? The girl you slept with? And why didn't you say anything before? Why didn't you ask her out? DAMN, so she cheated on her boyfriends with you? You're the other man?"
"Calm down," Blake chuckles, "Yeah it's always been her. It's not like telling you guys would've helped…it was just something I had to do without people really knowing. I—I don't know why I didn't ask her out. And yeah I guess you could call me the…other man as you put it."
"Seriously bro my mind is blown across the wall. What is life? WHAT IS AIR?" I shout.
"Seriously Sawyer calm down."
"Okay, okay! Fine…was she good?"
"Damn…okay so why aren't you marrying Stella Hoang right this instant? Why isn't she Stella Steele God her name would be very nicely alliterated." I wave my arm around and accidentally hit the door. Whoops, whatever.
"I'm not marrying her because she doesn't love me and I love her. That's why we're not getting married. And also because I haven't actually spoken to her to in more than a year."
"Has she tried talking to you?" I shift a little bit. God this is juicy, I'm not exactly one for gossip but damn.
"What? Why aren't you with her?"
"Okay well I sort of ignored her." Another bat on ball.
This sounded like an angry hit.
"God Sawyer I fucked up things with Stella." He sighs.
"But that's okay because you're Blake Steele and you can solve anything."
"I wish she's one-uh hey Evanston I'll call you later."
I hear the clattering of his baseball bat and he hung up.
Way to leave me hanging.
I puff out my cheeks; this is far too much news for my poor deprived heart to handle. Next time I see Blake I swear I'll hug that boy and then kick his ass.
Finally I hear the door unlock and creak open.
"God damn could you have taken any long?" I groan.
"Could you be any ruder?" The girl scoffs. Oh wow she's pretty.
"Oh…well sorry for being rude." I pick up my case.
She rolls her eyes and scoffs, "Right." And she saunters off with some music in her hand. I trying to see if I can find her name on the music or what piece she's working on but she's out of sight before I could.
I couldn't believe I just confessed only part of my history with Stella to Sawyer. It's not that I don't trust Sawyer with things-he's possibly the guy I'm closet too- I just didn't think I'd tell anyone about things with Stella. Not even one of my three sisters knows about things with Stella. Except the oldest of my younger sisters, Inkyung, does know that I was really close with Stella since she came over sometimes.
But besides that I've kept a tight lid on my ongoing heartbreak.
See, Stella went to a lot of parties- pretty much every week. Guys loved her and so did many girls- she was homecoming queen and all. I got invited to parties not nearly as often as she did but well I was really stressed out one Saturday mid junior year and I decided to actually go to a party instead of studying or playing baseball.
I had a drink or two but I wasn't even closed to being buzzed; I'm really good at holding my alcohol.
Well anyway, I was talking to some other guys from the baseball team and I saw Stella.
She was wearing this tight strapless dress that literally took my breath away. I remember how everything around me didn't matter but Stella.
She was dancing with this guy and his hand was dangerously low on her back.
Without thinking I walked over to her, put my hand on her lower back and pulled her away from everything. We ended up upstairs yelling at each other. That was one of the best things about being with Stella is that we could have the asshole relationship yet being insanely lovey dovey.
The asshole relationship is where you can be complete jerks to each other and fight- but we'd still love each other. At the end of all the fight and arguments we'd be able to make up instantly and say we loved each other.
But back to the reminiscing.
We yelled about some stupid things until I brought up us. Things like what happened to us and why weren't we together.
She didn't answer me and we both got quiet. All I could do was kiss her and kiss her and kiss her.
Our kisses got deep and passionate and she ended up pressed against the wall and shortly after pressed between my body and the bed.
I'm pretty sure you can connect the dots from there.
My virginity was lost and Stella cheated on Micah. Of course he never found out- he and no one else found out about me and Stels sexcapades- except Oliver of course.
Me and Stella walked out of the room together and of course Oliver was there with an insanely drunk girl and a big smile on his face. He promised not to tell anyone and took over the room that was once occupied.
For two years Stella cheated on every guy she dated with me. No one knew. No one suspected a thing.
Most times we had sex I woke up alone and heartbroken though.
I thought that maybe just once I'd wake up and find her still asleep in my arms. She'd be snuggled against me and I could give her a kiss before making her breakfast. Of course that never happened and I just found a cold bed that smelled like sunflowers, coffee, warm sugar and alcohol.
I stopped taking my meds for my bipolar disorder around the third time I woke up alone.
I looked in my bathroom mirror taking in my freckled shoulders and face, my muscular baseball arms and some bruises. I'd have at least one or two on my chest from Stella and one from baseball. My lips were usually swollen like every other day of my life but my cheeks were red and I had nail marks on my back and hips from Stels.
Instinctively i touched the nape of my neck, at my height of five foot ten and her height of five foot five she perfectly against my body and I could rest my chin on her head.
Without a care I flushed the last couple of pills I had.
Every night will Stella became my high point and every morning became my lowest.
I'd go from a little child getting a puppy to dementor sucked out my soul.
I actually like my highs and lows though. My emotions felt uncontrolled yet in check because I could feel anything at any moment and I could swing at any time but Stella controlled my emotions without even putting a thought into it.
I haven't taken any medication since but everyone thinks I still do.
Even when Sawyer brought up Stella, stirring up all the memories again I haven't had a swing since the last time I saw Stella.
That was the lowest point I've ever had in my life.
Conveniently I turned my head and saw her. Stella Hoang walking hand in hand with Jude Tate. My heart dropped and so did my bat and I hung up on Sawyer. She passes me without even noticing me. I pull of my helmet and that ends up on the floor too. Ha just like our clothes.
"Stella!" I call out. She turns around and she has this wide eyed panicked look on her face even though she hasn't seen me; but I'm damn glad to recognizes my voice.
"Stella!" I call again.
This time she sees me and my heart drops. I can't tell if I'm high or low right now.
"Blake…" I manage to get the cage gate open and I step out hurriedly.
"Hey Blake…?" Jude asks confused. Great, she has to be dating- or hopefully just flirting with a guy on my college baseball team.
"Jude," I acknowledge him briefly, "Stella what are you doing here? I thought you went to VCU-"
"I did…but I actually decided to transfer here." She blinks a couple of times and looks around. She's still as gorgeous as ever- as heartbreakingly gorgeous.
"I thought you didn't want to go to Berekely since you didn't want to go to college with me." I say coldly.
"That was one reason-getting away from you though really did me good though." She says with a tone just as cold.
"So why change your mind? Miss me?"
"Actually I decided that thinking about you is wasting my time a long time ago. I wanted to be closer to home." And then she gave me this mean look that pieced my heart once again.
"I'm glad you started thinking Stels," I paste on a smile, "You know Jude you should really keep an eye on this one. She has a history of cheating on her boyfriends with me. Isn't that right Stella? She always seemed to be crawling into bed with me back in high school."
This really hits her hard and she looks taken back.
But then her features soften and we share this look. The look that we always gave each other after a fight and before we kissed each other.
I wouldn't be surprised we ended up in bed together tonight.
Autumn's baby was a still born.
She cried for days. Her auburn hair was tied up in a bun and she wore oversized t-shirts and sweats. I remember how she lost all the pregnancy weight and actually stopped eating for a while until I made her eat. She was so skinny and fragile.
It was at that point where I realized that I couldn't live without Autumn in my life. I wouldn't have to marry her or date her or anything; she just became something I needed.
She wasn't my best friend.
We just understood each other in a way no one else could.
After two weeks of no school and moping I went to her apartment, her mom gave me a hug before leaving for work and I sat with Autumn on her couch. The giant window took up most of her living room and let in so much light- it illuminated her face in a way I could never forget.
Especially how the light would shine on her tear stained face.
I picked her up, tied her hair up put a sweater on her and walked her out the door.
She didn't say anything or resist and just went we me. We walked around for hours, stopping at the park, getting things to eat. We didn't speak much but we didn't have to.
"O?" Autumn spoke quietly.
"Thanks," She looks up at me and gives me a sad smile.
I sigh and tuck loose strands of hair behind her ear and kiss the top of her head.
"Not a problem."
She half smiles and we keep walking occasionally bumping into each other.
"I thought you'd be off sleeping with another girl instead of help poor little ol' me." She halfheartedly jokes.
"Jealous?" I smirk.
"No Oliver you see I just called you a whore."
"Oh I confused you calling me a whore with how sexy I am."
"I'm sure you did." She chuckles. Autumn takes out her phone briefly and slips it back in her pocket- her elbow hits my rib cage and I wince.
Autumn looks up at me knowingly, "Oli."
"Ol, is it from your dad or your recent sexcapades."
I smile, "You know me too well."
"Look Oliver, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just saying that I hate your father and you should really hope you don't get herpes or something."
"Yeah well I hate my father too. And I'm very careful."
"Unlike me." We look at each other.
"I'm really surprised that Sierra doesn't have anything-despite the rumors." Autumn laughs to herself.
"I always thought it was funny that the class whore ended up being one of your best friends."
"Jeez Oliver I don't think you're the class whore- okay maybe you are."
"Shut up," I laugh, "I meant Sierra. But with all good intentions. She's a whore but a good kid."
"Yeah she is, she judges people but she looks deeper than the average person. She got to know me before making a snap judgment like everyone else. But then that's how she ends up a bitch because she gets to know you and if she doesn't like you she won't care about you or your feelings."
I look at Autumn while she looks at her feet, "That's how she's kind of like Levi- he doesn't make snap judgments. Well I don't think it's possible for him to make bad judgments or to not care about someone."
"Levi's the really nice one you told me about right? The virgin?"
"Yeah," I confirm, "And he probably won't be losing that title anytime soon."
"Why not? He's cute, plenty of girls like him. If you want I could set him up with someone."
I laugh, "Nah he's good. It's just that he's got his eye on this one girl who apparently won't even consider him."
I'm dying to tell Autumn that Levi really is in love with Sierra but I'm not allowed to do that. Gotta have my man's back, but finding out who Sierra is into couldn't hurt.
"Really? I'm pretty sure almost every girl loves a guy who's a virgin- at least for a relationship. Plus from what you've told me he's like a golden boy."
"What do you want to date him or something?"
"Ew, never in my life," she wrinkles her nose, "He's not my type. It's cute he's saving himself or whatever though."
"He's not exactly saving himself- it's just that there's only one girl who can get him going and she doesn't want him."
Autumn whacks my arm, "Okay and how do either of you know that she doesn't want him?"
"Well I know because that's what Levi told me and that's what I go by."
She rolls her eyes, "He's just probably shy around her. Why can't I know who it is again?"
"Because," I say tersely, "Now what's up with Sierra? Who's she dating now?"
Autumn gives me a look, "Now I was surprised that you haven't slept with her yet do you-"
"No. No, now never in my life. She'd not my type." I mock her.
"Ha ha. I'm surprised though, she's gorgeous and good in bed. That sounds like your type to me."
"Oh she's good in bed? Is that coming from a personal experience you've had?" I joke.
"You wish." She laughs with a very happy smile on her face.
"I do, but you know what I wish even more?"
"To go back to your place and watch Fight Club."
"I never understood why you like that movie so much." She looks at me.
"Well it's a cult classic, you just don't get it," I ruffle her hair, "But it's also fun to watch people beat each other up before me and my dad beat each other up."
"Don't worry Autumn Pyland. If things get too intense between us I'll go to your place okay?"
"Okay fine," She sighs.
a/n: Okay part two of my author's note. I decided to beak this up into a three-part story or a three-shot? It'd flow better if it was submitted all as one story/chapter but that'd be too long. This first part is already 19 pages on word and I have 23 pages written already.
So yeah, I've LOVELOVELOVE feedback because I'm not even sure how I feel about this. I mean I love the characters but I don't know it might be better if I split it up into six separate stories for each boy but we'll see. Plus right now there's a lot more about Levi because I want to wrap up his story but I divulge deeper into some other stories but YEAH okay I'll SHUT UP.
Reviews and feedback would be much loved! x