Juggling Cracked Eggs

Ch. I - the proposition

Ever since I was young, my mother taught me to be chivalrous. She always tried her best to set an example for me, such as holding doors for people, saying please and thank you, and overall just being a nice person. I've thought that those things should always be taught to a child, but apparently some parents have forgotten. Over the years, it worked in my favor, especially since chivalry was considered to be dead- teachers tended to love me, and I made many friends.

But the most important aspect of my attitude was the amount of female attention I got. As well as my 'charming' personality, members of the fairer sex thought of me as good-looking and as prideful as I could be, that's not even my ego talking. I've gotten many compliments for my apparently luscious blonde locks, sharp grey eyes so easy to get lost into, and as ridiculous as it was, they even thought my name was handsome.

Archer Emil Johansen.

I personally think my parents were drunk off their asses to think that it was a great idea, or that it was an attempt at trying to make me into a hipster... but, hey, apparently that's sexy.

They've also christened many nicknames such as 'cutie-patootie,' 'Mr. Handsome,' and some others I'd rather not mention. Because of being a girl-magnet, ex-girlfriend one and two got fed up and broke up with me, but since it was solely for that reason we were still pretty good friends. See, I wasn't one of those bullshitters that told you "we could still be friends" and didn't keep their words, I actually kept my promises.

Hell, I even turned Haley, my second ex, down when she was acting irrational. Her current boyfriend was away for three weeks since his grandma died and she was getting really lonely. I, a human male, refused a friends with benefits proposal when the well-endowed woman tried to push her chest against me... Believe me, it was extremely hard to resist. When I told my friends that, they thought I was insane and concluded that I was gay, because self control is a quite the insane concept to grasp.

But, anyway.

Even so, I'm not perfect... I admit that sometimes I have ego boosts, no matter how modest I try to be, because of the attention I recieved. I could be arrogant, a bit of a kiss ass, and I am one of the very few guys who suck at Call of Duty. I'm even apparently a closet gay. But the one thing I was not... no, I am not, is an asshole.

So why the hell was I considering this?

I groaned, picking at the tomatoes in my salad. They were plump and red like my sister's rosy cheeks. My friend Theo smirked at me and threw his orange at my face. It hit my nose, falling straight into my salad, and I threw it back at him.

"Screw you, man." He only rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, anything to take you out of your daze. What're you fantasizing about now?"

"...You're horrible."

"And you're a girl." He laughed and looked at me straight into the eye. "So, have you been thinking about the bet?"

I grimaced and recollected yesterday's events.


We were down in my friend Johnny's basement again, enjoying the Sunday before school started and signaled another week of total boredom. Theo and Sam were sprawled on the couch, with Theo hogging the remote and flipping through random channels. Garrett was on the beanbag and eating a bag of chips while Johnny and I called the armchairs.

"Man, there's nothing to watch," Theo groaned, finally settling on a shitty cartoon channel. "Where's your frickin' Xbox? Let's play some frickin' COD or something."

"Can't, my brother tattled and said I hogged it too much so my mom's making me let him use it for the week. Fucking snitch." Johnny was staring at the ceiling intently, hoping that suddenly something interesting would happen. Maybe a black hole would open up and suck everything into its vortex!

"Sucks," Garrett said, still munching on the chips. Sam grabbed the bag from him and he glared.

"Dude, share or something, you selfish pig."

"Your girlfriend shares her mouth with like everyone on the cross-country team," Garrett muttered under his breath.

"Well, at least I actually have a girlfriend! And no, she doesn't!" The red-headed Sam replied, glaring. "At least I had the balls to ask her out... You're still trying to talk to the foreign exchange student and getting her to understand you! Well, sorry man, but you barely passed French, and I don't think you're going to remember all that from sophomore year."

Garrett in return tinged pink and we all snickered at him. Suddenly, Johnny turned to me.

"Speaking of women, the oh so beautiful bearers of wonderful, miraculous breasts, how's our favorite closet gay doing with the ladies?" They all looked at me and stared me down, still snickering, except I stopped as soon as he asked me that question.

"Goddamn, you guys, I'm not gay," I moaned, rolling my eyes. "I can't help that I actually care about girls and don't objectify women!"

Theo chortled and stole a chip from Sam, flicking it at me. "Yeah, yeah, yeah you feminist. But really, how are you doing with the ladies? I swear, I even hear the freshmen talking about you, you lucky bastard."

Murmurs of "pedophile" were heard, and my black-haired friend promptly flipped everyone the finger.

I sighed, sinking deep into the cushion. "I'm doing alright, I guess? I mean, I don't really want a girlfriend. It's not like a relationship in high school would even last, and I'd rather wait 'till college to actually date again."

I heard Sam mutter "girl" under his breath.

"Oh, come on, Johansen. Do you not thirst for delightful encounters?" Sam started, but then Garrett cut him off.

"He's obviously waiting until college to search for spicier meats. I hear college girls will do like, anything." For a moment, everyone turned blank-eyed and sighed. "Awww yeah."

I could make out a little bit of drool falling from Theo's mouth.

"I'm sorry that I'm mature and actually want a real relationship." I frowned at them, and they just snickered some more. I suddenly saw Johnny's eyes brighten up and a slight smirk started forming.

"So, since you're so mature," he drawled, and Sam raised an eyebrow. We all stared at him, "You know, I have a little proposition for you."

I tapped the arm of my chair. "Do carry on, Muller."

"Well... You know, since you're such a gentleman, I bet you'd never consider this," he flipped a strand of his dark brown hair, "But... you know when Theo tried to get with that Asian chick while he was dating Mary Grenford?"

We nodded, and I heard Theo mutter something about how he thought Asians were feeble but his balls were still sore after a week. "Yeah, by the way, you're such a dick for that, Isler."

"Thanks, Johansen."

"Yeah, whatever. But, I'd like to see how many girls you could juggle at the same time."

A silence befell the room. Suddenly, my four friends were caught in a fit of guffaws, and I turned pink.

"Oh god! That's hilarious, man! What are you even thinking!" Garrett was slapping his stomach and fell off the bean bag chair. Sam was laughing just as hard, dropping the bag of chips onto him and soon creating a huge mess.

"Shut up, Scott, I got a ninety-five in French and I'll fuck that foreign exchange student before you can say tu es tres belle to her!" Garrett finally stopped laughing, and he scratched his head. "What does that even mean..."

I chose to ignore him and glared at Theo, who was still laughing the hardest. Johnny had finally stopped, calming down a bit, and I flipped him off.

"W-W-What the hell, man?" I responded, letting my hair fall into my eyes. "That's pretty frickin' dick. One of the stupidest things I've ever heard from your mouth... and you're pretty fucking stupid."

"Whoah, calm your tits, man, just a thought. I already know you'd never do it. You're too much of a goody-goody two shoes."

"Who gets more girls than you," I muttered, and Johnny glared.

Theo finally stopped and snapped his fingers. "Sounds like you're proposing a challenge, Johansen."

"No, I'm not, shut the hell up Isler."

The room was silent for a bit again, and finally Sam spoke up. "You know, I'd like to see you try dating a lot of girls, Archer. You're pretty uptight about this kind of shit."

"Because cheating is bad... I thought that was pretty obvious."

"Yeah, it is, but you're just the perfect little gentleman, man. You've never done anything remotely interesting at all. Girls flock at you but you don't even look at them," Sam sighed. "I wish I was you. My girlfriend barely gives me any attention."

"Because she's sucking everyone on the cross-country team's dicks?" Garrett repeated, and Sam glared.

"Screw you, Scott."

"Yeah, yeah. We're all jealous of how every girl wants Archer's dick." I rolled my eyes at Johnny. "But... you know. You need to let loose man. We're going to college soon and then into the adult world of frickin' full-time work. But for now we can abuse Theo's discount at Walmart."

Theo rolled his eyes, then snapped his fingers. "Hey... I have an idea. What if, you know, we each pooled in... Let's say... fifty bucks. The four of us would make two-hundred dollars. Let's see if the little bitch here can even date four girls at once. Come on, Arch, it's just like our cute little group here."

I stared at him, wide-eyed. I then glanced around at everyone else's faces. Johnny looked satisfied, a sinister gleam in his eyes... Garrett, the freckle monster, had a huge smile on his face and Sam was smirking at me.

"That sounds pretty fair."

"...Only two-hundred?" I said meekly, and I hated that I was considering this. I mean, I recently just quit my job because school started and I could use the money. And... as much as it went against my morals... I haven't dated a girl in a long time and it wasn't as if they were asking me to be serious with them. I'd make it clear that they were just... flings.

"Okay, maybe we'll each put in a hundred. Just to see the little goody-two-shoes try to do something badass for once," Theo replied, stroking his chin. "You have to date them until... Fucking before prom I guess. Then you can crush each and every girl's heart and tell them you're not taking them to the biggest event of senior year!"

The guys started laughing again, and I shifted in my seat.

"So, what do you say, Archer? You in?"

It was so much pressure... I gulped, and put my hair into my eyes again so I couldn't look at them directly. "Uh... I'll... I'll... I'll think about it?"

I praised God for the next moment, because suddenly Johnny's little brother ran into the room. "What do you want, you little snot?" Johnny groaned, and his brother stuck out his tongue.

"Mom says that you had a red sock with your white underwear so now all of it's pink! Hahahaha!" His little brother then ran up the stairs and we all started cracking up. Johnny, however, was not amused.

"Shit, man!"


I felt the orange being chucked at me again, and I blinked.

"Fuck, man, you sure doze off a lot," Theo muttered, and I stabbed a tomato with my fork. "Sorry."

"So?" He stared me down and I gulped. From the corner of my eye, I saw Garrett trying to talk to the French girl again. He was having no such luck, and I could see Johnny hit his forehead with his hand. The French girl seemed very confused, before bowing at Garrett and walking away while he frantically tried to get her attention again. However, those efforts failed, and I smirked. I also saw Sam making out with his girlfriend, and heard faint shouts of "Get some, Kresner!"

"I don't fucking know," I said, and finally finished off the last bits of my salad. I walked over to the garbage can to throw my plate away, and a random sophomore fluttered her lashes at me. I smiled at her but continued over to my table, and saw that Garrett had his face down and that Johnny was back too, muttering something about how Garrett was such a loser.

"Why don't I remember any French," Garrett sobbed, and Theo slapped his back.

"There there, you dipwad, there there."

Garrett came back up, and then I found all eyes on me again. Fucking shit, man. "So, Archer, the ordeal?"

I gulped again, and responded, "Well, Sam's not here! I mean, we should have all the guys here before making official decisions, right! Like the great Iroquois Council or something!"

"...You're a faggot, Archer. A big, flaming one," Johnny murmured, slapping his hand to his forehead again. Goddamn facepalms. "Well he's probably trying to get head right now, so whatever. Just make the damn decision, it's not really that hard. What do you have to lose? We're not saying we're going to take something away. And if you succeed, you'll be four-hundred dollars richer and have the satisfaction of showing us who's boss."

...Well... I would like to put these guys into their place.

I scratched my head, and inside my brain I repeated I am not an asshole. I am not an asshole. I am not an asshole. I'm just doing this for four-hundred dollars, and money's scarce these days... And so I can show these stupid shits that I can a freaking badass when I want to, I'm just a nice guy.

"...You know what? Screw you guys, I'll do it."

They all snickered, which they seem to do a lot, and then promptly high-fived each other.

"Man, you actually agreed to it! Archer Johansen isn't that much of a pussy after all!" I smiled crookedly, processing everything into my mind and wondering what I just got myself into.

Fuck.

Suddenly, Sam came back, red-hair messed up and brown eyes gleaming.

"That was a good session." He high-fived the guys as well, and I wondered why I was friends with these assholes.

"Hey, Kresner... I saw Shannon walking with Lewis, the cross-country captain. Are they physics partners or something?" We heard a voice from another table and saw Dante raising his eyebrow and afro poofing about.

Sam frowned.


(A/N: First off, the title's still in beta mode, lol. And I swear to all that is holy, I will for sure continue this. For sure. I mean it. I will try my hardest to suppress my Writer's ADHD. First off, Archer's precious, and this idea is just pretty fun. Um, honestly, I ripped it off Bakuman, the manga, which I don't own. Any mentions of stores and shows and everything, I don't own... So yeah. But, Mashiro and Takagi were talking about an idea they had for a plot, and I couldn't resist. So, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and that it wasn't dragged along too... meh. I'm still just a n00b at writing so please tell me what you think! Thank you for reading!)