Connor's ass was asleep- just like he should have been at this hour. It should not be much of a surprise that he had such a funny feeling in his backside, as he had not moved from his sitting position on the beach in nearly two hours. He got into the habit of waking up early this summer. A year ago, he would practically be dead to the world for at least a few more hours. Carolina would pretty much have to blackmail him to get him out of bed before noon.

There was sand in between his toes and stuck to his feet, too, which made the situation just that much worse because Connor hates sand. He absolutely despises it. It is kind of ironic, if you think about it, as he lives at the beach and all- though, it wasn't by choice.

His grandmother had a pretty bad fall a couple years back and his mom decided that she shouldn't be living alone anymore. Grandma couldn't bear the thought of leaving the place she spent years making a home with her late husband (may he rest in peace) and Connor's mom didn't want to bring some stranger in to take care of her, either. Wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, they moved in.

It wasn't all too bad actually. He finally found something he is good at, something he could be passionate about- surfing. Surfing was freeing for him, a release he could find nowhere else. It was something he loved and a talent that no one could take from him. And through surfing, Connor found Carolina, the best friend he could have ever asked for.

Carolina.

There is something to be said about girls like Carolina Hamilton. She never messed with your head or kept grudges over little things, then pretended that everything is fine. She did not act fake and would not be caught dead pining after a boy. Carolina could not be bothered with anything like that, which made her awesome in Connor's eyes.

Best of all, though, Carolina was always there for him, no matter what he went through. When his older brother died in a car accident because of a drunk driver, she was right there next to him at the funeral, holding his hand the whole time because that was what he needed. When his father's affair with his secretary surfaced and his parents were going through a divorce, her window was always open for him to climb through when their fighting escalated. When he walked in on his girlfriend cheating on him, Carolina was there to hold him back and make sure he didn't kill the other guy (or his girlfriend, for that matter). She was always there for him when he needed her.

Now, though, now she isn't. She can't be.

It was a freak accident. You would not expect a shark attack in such shallow waters- it barely reached up to her waist. There had never even been a shark sighting in the area before, let alone news of an attack. It was a one in a million chance, but Carolina, she was that one in one million.

Connor was there when it happened and could still see it in his nightmares: Carolina laughing, and then screaming from the pain; the water around her changing from clear blue to a sickening, deep red. He was the one who had to ignore the blood gushing from her leg to pull her from the bloody water and he was the one screaming for someone to call an ambulance. Connor was the one freaking out, unsure of what to do.

Carolina, one the other hand, was the one promising him that everything would be all right. She told him that it really was not as bad as it looked. However, Connor could read her better than anyone could and he knew that she was just as terrified as he was of what was going to happen. He could see how much pain she was in- no matter how much she tried to say it really didn't hurt that much- but he had no idea how he could take it away. By the time the ambulance rushed her into the hospital it was too late, she was pronounced dead upon arrival from the loss of so much blood.

This is the closest Connor has gotten to the water since it happened, almost a year later. He would give anything to have her back with him right now.

"You're going to have to do it sooner or later," he heard her voice tell him.

"I prefer later," he grumbled to himself, crushing clumps of sand between his fingers.

She was right, though- or, at least, her voice in his mind was right. He would have to go out there eventually. There was no denying how much he missed surfing and the rush it brought him. He has had friends tell him that he hasn't been the same since it happened and they want the "old Connor" back. This would just be another step in moving on for him.

But there was also no denying how scared he was, either. Connor was down right petrified of going back into the ocean. He had to, though, for Carolina.

Surfing is Connor's life and, if there was one thing he knew about her, it was that Carolina would not want him to stop his life just because she was gone. Carpe diem was pretty much her life motto.

He had to do it for her at least. He put it off for too long all ready.

For the first time in months, Connor grabbed his board and cradled it underneath his arm, walking confidently toward the shore. That confidence faltered somewhat when he reached the spot where the waves crash against the sand and his steps became cautious and hesitant. He stopped when his feet were fully submerged in the water, biting his lip.

For Carolina. You're doing this for Carolina, he silently chanted to himself. But Carolina isn't even here...

No, he has to do this. If he does not go out there now, he will never do it.

So he moved forward, his knees trembling and his eyes searching the clear water. Then, with a surge of confidence, he swam out into deeper waters and jumped up on the first wave that came and rode it out.

It felt great getting on his board again. He felt free and invincible, riding wave after wave. There was nothing in the world that could bring him down from the high surfing provided for him. He felt alive again and, for the first time in a long time, Connor felt fearless.

And he knew that Carolina was watching him, proud of him for finally doing this, wherever she was.

thanks for reading! i would love some feedback!
~ cherry pez :)