My world begins to spin
On an axis that's too thin.
I feel like I'd fall any second.
Like it'd all shatter and end.
Same old fear clutches my hand.
Same old pain that I understand.
Tears don't well up in my eyes.
Instead my heart silently cries.
I wrap my arms around myself,
Placid eyes screaming for help.
I see and hear you scream.
And it shatters all my dreams.
Shivers run down my spine.
We're standing on a thin line.
I know I'd fall any second.
I know it'd shatter and end.
My fears and pain hold hands and crawl,
Shouting that I don't deserve peace at all.
Sobs rock my feeble body, make it shake.
Fingers trembling with another heartbreak.
My nails sink into my trembling arm.
The darkness suddenly feeling warm.
Lips trembling, I'm unable to speak.
Fluttered and ruffled inside, so weak.
The darkness is like Venom
Shielding and taking over me.
Casting a veil over my eyes,
Darkening everything that I see.
Suddenly I see darkness everywhere.
Suddenly I feel like no one cares.
I feel like everything is going wrong.
I'm so broken, I can't stay strong.
The darkness within me begins
To send my thoughts into a tailspin.
Every minute, every second I spend
Begins to seem more insignificant.
The darkness within me roars with a loud sound.
I feel like I'm over, I'm crumbling to the ground.
The numbness inside is crawling back again.
Yet, my veins are electrified with liquid pain.
No emotions at all are playing at my chest-
Only darkness with me reigning at its best.
I clutch my teddy bear close to my chest.
Tempted to end this 'life' and put it all to rest.
And then my soul can burn forever in Hell…..
With every stroke my skin will be turning pale.
Thick red fluid will gush out- finally I'll get release.
Why am I resisting cutting? Can someone tell me please?
One stroke, and it'll all be gone.
One stroke, and I can carry on.
One stroke, I won't be so mad inside.
One stroke, and I won't have to hide.
A single scraping across my smooth skin,
With blade, scissors, compass, even a pin.
I'm even tempted to just sink my teeth in
And tear and tear until the bleeding begins...
But I won't do any of these.
I'll crumble, but I won't release.
This is a war that I'll be fighting forever.
My problems will only be getting graver.
I'll only be feeling more and more depleted.
The fights will keep on getting more heated.
But I will NOT take it out on my skin.
This is a battle that I will HAVE TO win.
For that mother who smiles looking at my face.
And that father who's always there when I'm in stress.
My love for them is so much stronger
Than the temptation to cut, it won't last longer.
And one day I'm going to break free
From this prison of darkness within me….
A/N: from my personal diary. Hence lack of rhyme, rhythm, etc. It's funny how I can only express myself by writing… I can only hope one day I won't even get an urge to cut; right now I can only resist. If any of you are going through this, please, stay strong.