Author's Note: This was a random story me and my two best friends made up one day when we were bored after we got kicked out of the library for being too loud. I revised it so it would make sense and typed it up. ONESHOT :P Starring me and my two best friends as ourselves...sorta.
One day, Ethan the crazy werewolf kidnapped Ken the Barbie doll and forced him to fetch him a gelato cone from Costco or he would transform into a wolf and bite him. The problem was, Ken was kidnapped so he couldn't go to Costco to buy some gelato for his pesky friend and kidnapper even if he wanted to, so he phoned Darren the police officer. Officer Rutello came to Ethan's house to investigate the case.
Darren aka Officer Rutello loved gelato as well. As you can see from his last name, he is of Italian origin, just like gelato. Darren thought of a plan to make Ethan share some of his gelato with him. However, it was a stupid plan. He arrested Ethan and put him in juvenile hall for abusing Ken.
Ethan messed up the trial and accidentally debated for the wrong side because the judge was his ex-girlfriend, Judge Waverly the vampire. Ethan was therefore in line to receive the death penalty.
As Officer Rutello had no idea of this, instead of helping his convict out of unfair justice, he commanded Ken to fetch some gelato for him on probation. Tired and freezing for fetching so much gelato, poor Ken staggered into Ethan's house where Officer Rutello was hungrily waiting.
Officer took 10 tubs of gelato for himself and left 10 tubs in Ethan's fridge just to be nice.
Poor Ken was still on probation for nothing, so he decided to go see Judge Waverly. Judge Waverly started to flirt with Ken and because Ken is so hormonally charged, he accidentally drooled in the courtroom and immediately lost the debate. Ken was in line for the death penalty too.
As he stood in line awaiting his horrible fate, he saw Ethan nervously fidgeting in the front of line.
"Ethan," Ken called. "Back-cut me, dear brother, and let's think of a plan to escape!"
Relieved, Ethan ran back in line until he was together with his captive/friend. Ethan apologized for asking for gelato and kidnapping Ken. Ken said it was okay. At least they could die together.
Suddenly, Officer Rutello appeared at the end of line.
"How did you get here, Darren?" Ethan and Ken asked their friend/arrestee.
Officer Rutello sighed. "Well, Costco sued me for taking all the gelato for myself and making their customers angry."
Judge Waverly was an unfair judge because she was also the death penalty. Just as Judge Waverly was about to sink her deadly fangs into Ken's flesh, she caught sight of Ethan crying and suddenly had a desire for him once more.
She dropped Ken and turned towards Ethan.
"Ethan, darling, I'll make you a deal," she beckoned him closer with a finger. "I won't kill you and you're lovely friends Ken and Darren, only if you stay here with me and be my assistant and husband."
Though their previous relationship had been abusive (Waverly always liked to bite Ethan for no apparent reason than to make him weep), Ethan agreed to save his friends.
He lived sadly ever after working in the death penalty room and Waverly's built-in bedroom at the local death penalty place. Gladly, Ken and Darren brought him gelato and condoms once in a while to cheer him up and empty his nostrils of the smell of blood and his wife's perfume, and to promote a safe, childless relationship.
Moral: Never lust for gelato too much, or you may have to marry your bloodthirsty ex-girlfriend and work in the death penalty room.
PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS RETARDED! I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF INSULTS :P