My First letter for you: Chapter 1

If your reading this Blair it means you found this under your pillow and ether it was before or after you will have or know that I'm dead. I hid this about an hour ago before I died today. I've learned to accept. I've learned to stop blocking the truth and just hear it for what it really is. I'm done fighting my pain, fear, misery, heart ache. I'm just done, completely done. So, too all the people out there who have had some part in my life, good or bad, one person will know everything and I hope, better yet I pray to god that this person takes these letters and confronts everyone of these people in the end after finding and reading each one. You, yes you. You're everything to me. You always will be and I'm so sorry to leave you in this cold cruel world that it is. But you always will be in my heart and soul, and when I was writing this to you, I was in fact dying. I had taken a bunch of pills that would give me enough time to finish off each letter that I wrote and placed in certain places around our town. Each letter will give you a clue to the next one. Each letter has certain pieces and memories that talk about what happened to me in my life how that all turned to crap. Now Blair hunny, I know you knew I wasn't happy for awhile. But I never let you on enough to realize how unhappy I really was. I hid it from you, so you could move on with your life and be happy. I want you to know none of this is your fault. Everything you did you put a smile on my face when I was feeling depressed or like I wanted to kill myself. You gave me happy and amazing memories to look back on. I can't thank you more than enough Blair and there's also something else I want you to know. For years I've been in love with you. I know you never thought that was possible seeing that I was your best friend and we we're like sisters. But I've been a lesbian, well was a lesbian, for a long time and I could never stop being in love with you. It killed me seeing you with guys. I could have made you happy and I could have been the perfect girl for you. If only I was a boy, I knew you would have dated me then. You said it yourself. But no matter, I just needed you to know that. Well so back to what the real matter is, the next letter you will fine Blair is actually stuck in my locker at school. Will you clean it out for me? You can have all my stuff. Besides I have a pair of your shorts that I forgot to give back. Well hun, that's it for this letter. Tell my parents and the rest of my family I love them dearly and I'm sorry for leaving them and you, especially you.

Sincerely,

Leighton. Jane. Taylor

I dropped to my knees and I started to cry. I threw the letter across the room and tears just kept pouring out. How could she do this? How could Leighton do this to me? How was I supposed to process all of this at once? And now she wanted me to go find a bunch of more letters? She had to be joking, and why the hell did she not tell me what was going on? God damn it and she didn't tell me she was in love with me. I could have tried. I could have tried to date her and see if it would have worked. I always pictured us maybe being together. But I never knew she was in love with me. What was I going to tell her parents? Wait, do I tell her parent's about the letter? Holy fuck I don't know. I don't know. I DON'T FUCKING NO! I screamed to the top of my lungs and then my mother walked in.

She had the saddest look on her face and tears were coming down. I knew she had just found out what happened to Leighton. Leighton was like a second daughter to her. She always spent time here and when her parents couldn't do things with her my mom would. I stood up and ran over to her and wrapped my arms around her and ballad my eyes out into her shirt. I could feel her tears washing down my arm.

Never in my entire life have I ever felt like this. I had have people died close to me, but Leighton was the closest person to me in my entire life. Closer than my own mom. She. She was my sister, my best friend. I told her everything, every secret, every moment I had with a guy, my first kiss, my first crush, my favorite moment with her. I can remember like it was just yesterday. It was in grade nine when it happened. I was sitting in my room on my birthday when Leighton walked in.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLAIR!" Leighton yelled.

She got onto my bed, picked me up and gave me a huge hug. We then kissed each other on the cheek.

"I have a present for you." She said

"Oh Leighton you didn't have to buy me anything."

"Oh shush, open it."

She handed me a little black velvet box and when I opened it my eyes lit up. It was a sapphire ring with a silver band. I took it out and placed it in my hand.

"See and I engraved it. On the band it says; Forever Sisters, Always Friends." Leighton said with a smile.

"Leighton I LOVE IT!"

I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her on each cheek and gave her a great big hug.

"How did you even afford this? Why did you even buy it for me?" I asked

"Money was not a problem. I had been saving up for a long time. The reason I bought this for you was because I wanted you to know how much you mean to me. You're my entire world. Your apart of my soul and my heart, I could never imagine living in a world without you."

That was the greatest memory we had together. She showed me truly how much she actually did care about me. I then started to cry even more. How was I going to live in world without her? How could I wake up in the morning knowing I couldn't see her anymore? Maybe I needed to find those other letters. Maybe they would help give me closure and find out why she did really kill herself.

That's it. I would go to school tomorrow, collect homework from my teachers and say I was taking a few days off. I knew everyone would know about Leighton's death and then get the next letter from her locker. Thank god I knew her combination.

When my mom finally walked down stairs to get me something to drink and eat, I re read Leighton's letter one last time. I needed to make sure I could remember everything she said.

"God Leighton, I'm going to miss you so much. I'll always love you…"

Then my tears dripped into the letter and the writing started to go blurry…