Strange Brew
by ff_b

One night in a rural area of South Carolina, a scaly, red-eyed creature paused from chewing through a chrome bumper at the sound of leathery wings approaching.

"Hey, Gringo!," said the fierce-looking creature as it descended to Earth. "Why are you chewing on car bumpers? Don't you get enough iron in your diet or sumptin'?-You could break a tooth like that, Man!"

Rearing up to its full seven-foot height, the Lizard Man roared at the Chupacabra, flexing its three formidable clawed fingers on each reptilian hand in preparation for battle.

"Dude, chill!," soothed the Chupacabra, extending its own palms in a pacifying gesture. "I didn't mean nothin'! I just meant that metal is tough stuff to chew on, and like have you priced dental work lately?"

The Lizard Man made a hissing sound deep in his throat and hunched down, ready to spring with its powerful hind legs on the Chupacabra if necessary. The reptilian brain was obviously resolving itself towards some primal course of action.

"Whoa, Hermano, chew on the damn car bumper if you want!," continued the Chupacabra. "It's no fur off my snout if you do!," he contended, flashing a mouthful of impressive teeth. "But wouldn't you like to try something a bit more tender, like a piece of goat, maybe?" The Chupacabra extended the hind leg of a goat at the Lizard Man, the remnant of an earlier kill.

"Go ahead, indulge!," offered the goat-sucker. "There's plenty to go around!-Try it, you'll like it!," he added, waving the limb temptingly. The Lizard Man's red eyes were riveted on the goat limb, and he took a tentative step towards the Chupacabra.

A loud thump then came from the roof of the car that Lizard Man was mauling as something massive and heavy landed on it. It was the county sheriff, in total werewolf transformation! He rose to his full impressive height, silhouetted against the full moon.

The Sheriff raised a muscular clawed fist and shook it at the duo of marveling cryptids. "I have had it with you two boys and your mischief!," shouted the Sheriff as he leaped effortlessly to the ground and ripped the mangled, tooth-marked bumper from the vehicle. Brandishing the bumper with one massive arm, he shook it at the strange pair.

"You've damaged personal property!," charged the Sheriff as he swung the bumper at the Lizard Man, landing a solid blow and driving the reptilian to the ground while turning to advance on the Chupacabra. "And you, illegal alien, have destroyed valuable livestock and committed acts of cruelty to animals!" The heavy bumper whipped through the air as if weightless and thudded against the Chupacabra, knocking him painfully backwards.

The werewolf's eyes flashed as he continued his lecture. "You boys just don't understand," he said while flailing the bumper, "that here in the South, we have laws and regulations!" The chromed bumper flashed in the moonlight as the great werewolf rained multiple blows with it at will upon the hopelessly outmatched Lizard Man and Chupacabra.

"Dios mio!," cried the Chupacabra as he recoiled from the beating, "I'm outta here!" The Chupacabra vaulted into the dark skies on his bat-like wings, barely escaping a finishing blow from the Sheriff. In that commotion the Lizard Man also made good his escape, sprinting with remarkable speed and agility into the cover of the surrounding woods.

"Cowards!," taunted the Sheriff, flexing his powerful arms and shaking the heavy car bumper in the directions of his vanquished foes. "Come back and fight me like men!," he snarled. "Oh, that's right!," he added sarcastically, "You aren't men! You ain't even worth my time!"

Throwing the car bumper lightly to the ground, the werewolf pounced back to the roof of the car, the moon bright and full behind him. "Can't kill them," he mused, "they wouldn't learn nothin' if I did!," he grinned. "But this ought to hold them for a while, and when they come back, well...the South will rise again!"

And with that thought in mind, the great southern werewolf reared up to his full standing height, extended his massive muscular arms at the moon, and howled long and loud, his cries reverberating in the night skies...