Author's note: I'm doing a complete re-write. I'm changing up the story, but the main characters will still be here and the overall plotline. I'm just not happy with what I wrote but let's see where I go!

Edit: A warning to all my new readers, my main character has a potty mouth. And for some of you who have been messaging to me about it, I'm sorry. The fact is when I created her, she reminded me so much of my own friends who curse like it was their reason for breathing. I don't see this changing because it's a part of her vernacular. I can only promise I'll keep your considerations in the back of my mind! Also this story is very strongly rated T. It will probably be mature but that isn't going to happen for a long time.

I have left a lot of things out of this story (just for now) as I really don't want to rush anything and rather take my time building a story and let my characters grow naturally. Any other questions, feel free to message me.

Chapter 1:

It was pouring rain. Not like pouring rain where rain would be a slight inconvenience for your hair, or something you could run in to quickly get some milk from the deli down the block. No, this was 'fuck you' rain. This was 'drown you in the fucking ocean' rain. It was 'look at the sky; it's a sign of the apocalypse. Let's confess our sins before we die' kind of rain. That is literally the best description of the weather I could give you. I mean I guess I could tell you the sky was pitch black, even though it was barely 4 pm. The dark clouds were fluffed up; it looked like they would reach the ground. And every few minutes there was a deafening boom of thunder with a burst of lightning that lit up the whole sky. There, a little bit of imagery for you folks. Not as good as the first one but I aim to please.

If I were in my room at home, this would've been perfect weather. I would've stayed inside, got under my favorite blanket, put on Netflix and re-watch Bob's Burgers. But I was here, at Ernest Veil University. A prissy, snooty, Ivy-league kind of school. My parent's had dropped me off only hours ago last night before the storm got really bad. The bastards didn't even stay for dinner. (Except for dad who was kind enough to buy me Mickey D's.) I was stuck in my dorm room, with my roommate Amanda Nickels. She was in the bed, opposite mine, reading a computer science magazine. God, she was boring. She had her oily, blonde hair in a ponytail. Her glasses pressed all the way to the top of her nose with her green eyes scanning the page like it was the handbook on how to do real magic. I mean, I would soooooo read that.

I was sitting upright on my bed, staring at her, absently shuffling a deck of cards.

I was ready to throw myself out the window when my phone rang suddenly. I was so surprised, the cards I was shuffling crashed out of my hands and landed directly in my face.

"Motherfuc—" I answered the phone, "Yeah."

"Well you sound incredibly happy." Said an Australian voice that belonged to my beautiful best friend, Tre who was incredibly muscular, had straight white teeth, pale green eyes and golden hair that reached his chin. Of course he played for the other team.


"And you are incredibly gay."

Laughter on the phone. "Thank you very much."

"What do you want?"

"I'm bored. Let's hang out."

"I thought you were hanging out with your frat brothers. The Alpha Dog Essex."

"First of all, I'm not in the fraternity. At least not yet." I could hear the hopeful 5-year-old Santa-believing child in his voice. Sickening.

I used my feet to push the cards off my bed, as Amanda continued to be impressed by her magazine. "Oh no. Let me contain my sadness."

"And it's not the Alpha Dog Essex." He continued, "It's…"

I threw my head back in exhaustion, hitting the headboard. "Oh my god. Who cares? I thought you said there would be parties and shit here. And I'm sitting in my room, playing cards with my feet."

"There's a bad storm, it's thrown everything out of order."

"Yeah no shit Sherlock." I said, flopping on my bed, bringing my knees to my chest in a fetal position. "I'm soooooooo booooooooored. And I think I'm having migraine. Or I'm on my period. "

"We can go out."

My head began to whirl. A pounding ache crossing my vision, like a 16-wheel truck crashing into my third eye, reversing and then driving into me again. Maybe it was my period.

"I'm not feeling up to it anymore. Besides, it's pouring out."

"We can watch Se7en at my house."

"Oh go fuck yourself. That just means I have to drive to your place in this fucking bitch of a weather. No thank you."

Out of nowhere, there was a knocking at my door. I looked at Amanda, who turned the page of her magazine, making no move to get up and answer the door.

"Someone's at the door. I'll call you tomorrow bitch."

"Alright fine you old whore."

I smiled a little at that. There was nothing that could cheer me up better than my best friend insulting me. I don't think anyone else could get away with calling me a whore. I got up, put on my life-like bear slippers, and opened the door.

It was the Resident Assistant, Barbara. She was about an inch short than me. She was black; her skin darker than mine and her hair was perfectly straightened. She had on dorky glasses, wore a tight blouse to show her great breasts and tight khaki pants. Her hand on her hips, she smiled pleasantly. "Hi, I'm your new RA"

"Hi." I said, feeling like a slob. I had on Tre's giant sweatshirt (with the words 'feminist' in the front) that was three sizes too big on me with leggings that had one gaping hole at the front of my left knee and one hole near my right ankle. And my bear slippers.

Yeah, totally a college student.

"We're having some programs on the 2nd floor so we can all meet each other. A little mixer, really. There's going to be some music, food, drinks…non-alcoholic obviously." She said, flipping her hair to the side with a shake of her head.

"I thought a lot of people didn't show up."

"Yeah." She gave a breathy sigh. "The storm made it hard for everyone to get here for the Welcome Weekend. But there's a few students in the building, and we might as well do something." She said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh okay."

"Yo Barbs!"

Barbara turned her head down the hall and smiled, her face lighting up. "Hey." She said, her voice turning up a few notches.

I stayed by the doorway; not seeing who it was that caught her attention. "Okay so I'll swing by."

She remained raptured by whoever it was down the hall, ignoring my words. She stretched her back a little, her breasts squeezing into her red shirt.

Laughter in the hallway.

She licked her lips and rolled her eyes, her hand on the doorframe.

"Okay byeeeeeeee." I said, slowly closing the door on her.

I picked up the cards on the floor and the bed, and shuffled them in my hands again. I really didn't have anything to do here and my roommate couldn't have been any less interested in me. I put the cards on my pockets and grabbed my Yoko-Ono sunglasses; I couldn't stand the bright light in my room. I grabbed my Adventure Time water bottle and popped two Advil in my mouth. I left the room without a word to Amanda and headed downstairs. I opened the door to the 2nd floor; there were several RA's on the floor, all of them wearing the same thing, red shirts and khaki's. Several of the female students were all pretty dressed up, make up on, hair done. It looked like they were all hoping to party tonight. I couldn't 't have looked more out of place. Some of the guys were wearing hoodies with Greek letters and were clearly the center of attention. I walked to the long table where the attention should have been.


There were soda bottles, juice boxes, and little bags of chips, bowls of assorted candies, tortilla chips and salsa. I grabbed a plate and piled on some chips, salsa and three boxes of Yoohoo milk and candied worms.

"Oh man. Really?"

I turned my head to see a really tall, gangly looking dude with glasses. He was like Dwight Schrute from The Office, college edition, with the exception of the severe acne clouding his cheeks.

He pointed at my milk boxes. "I think you grabbed the last three."

"Oh. Yeah." I said. Any person would've taken the hint and offered to give their Yoohoo. But I loved Yoohoo, so.

I continued to stare at him, hoping to intimidate. He gave a meek laugh and opted for the juice box. "Guess I'll take that instead."

I smiled with a "What-else-are-you-going-to-do?"

Maybe I would have been nicer if I didn't feel like my uterus was trying to end my reason to live.

I high-tailed it out of there and headed to the lobby. There was a giant HD flat screen with giant couches. It was going to be the perfect place for me to temporarily hibernate. There were a few loiterers hanging around the entrance to the lobby and two guys who were playing a board game at a nearby table. I sat down on the couch, put my food on the table and began to play with the touch screen pad next to the T.V. Finding the right channel; I hopped back to the couch and drank my delicious chocolate milk.

"Adventure Time fan?"

I ignored the voice, and chomped down the chips with salsa. My hood was over my head, my eyes directed at the screen. Could it have been more obvious I wanted to be away from civilization?

"I love this episode. It's so good. Have you seen it?"

I opened my mouth and purposefully made my chewing obnoxiously loud, like a horse at a stable.

Dwight Schrute landed on the couch next to me. Not on the other end of the couch or half way, but right next to me, where if I moved an inch, his knee would graze mine.

He draped his arms on the couch, right behind my head, like it was a normal thing to do. I could smell the body Axe spray on him. At that moment my irritation was being surpassed by my resentment.

He relaxed into his seat, putting his right leg over his left knee. "The Ice King is my favorite. Let me guess…Marceline the Vampire Queen?"

"I'm sorry." I said, kindly. "I just want to watch the show, if you don't mind."

"Sure thing." He said, his smile now oddly restrained. "Just trying to get to know my fellow residents."

I nodded my head, sucking on the straw of my milk. "No I get it. I'm…not feeling too great." I rubbed away the crumbs on my hands with my leggings.

He leaned in close and smirked. He was wearing a large sweatshirt but I knew deep down his body was flexing. "You know I'm OTP." He said, making it clear it was a secret to be treasured.

I stared back, eyes squinting, my mind drifting between whether or not I had brought enough sanitary pads with me and whether or not I would throw up all over him. "My stomach is like super cramped up. I feel like I might die here."

"Right." He scratched his head and couldn't have looked more disinterested. "Look you want some advice chick?"

Chick? Advice?

"You should be a little bit more open to people, otherwise you wont make any friends here."

I felt sorely tempted to fire a punch-in-the-balls insult but my body was aching, and I wasn't interested in any drama tonight.

I gave him a wide-toothed smile and shoveled candied worms in my mouth. "I'll keep that in mind sweetheart."

He scoffed and got off the couch, murmuring 'bitch' underneath his voice.

Yeah, no.

I quickly voiced 'motherfucker.'

As soon as I said the word, the television turned off.


I jumped off the couch and slammed my hand on the panel. Every time I turned on the television, it turned off. After six times, I heard a loud burst of laughter behind me. It was Dwight Schrute with the remote in his hand, surrounded by four other guys who were laughing as well. My anger went from DEFCON 4 to DEFCON 1.

"That's fucking hilarious! Real fucking mature shitface." I said, pointing to my face, in reference to the acne that covered his. His laughter died down and the tall boy next to him laughed harder.

The boy shoved past his friends and threw the remote in the trash.


I turned on the television again, and sat back at my seat. Before I opened my third milk box, the TV shut off again. I turned around, seething.

The boy laughed and showed his hands defensively, with the remote in one hand. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I'm sorry!" He laughed some more and turned it on again.

After two minutes, the TV shut off again. I didn't turn around, my ears tuned into the laughter that echoed in the lobby. I grabbed my plate of food, my Adventure time water bottle and milk box. I threw the food in the nearest garbage. And watched as the four guys stood talking to each other, no longer amused by me. I noticed the elevator nearby, an idea suddenly popped in my head. I smiled at myself.

I headed to the elevator and stood by waiting. I didn't press the button or anything. I simply leaned beside the elevator and cryptically stood watching the boys. After a few minutes they headed in my direction, clearly wanting to use the elevator. I quickly pressed the up button. The doors opened up and I stepped inside.

"Wait hold the elevator." said the tallest boy out of the four.

I smiled and nodded, pressing the 10th floor and then flipped the bird.

The doors began to close as I waved. They all ran to the elevator but not before it finally shut. I pressed all the buttons on the elevator, 1,2,3,4,5 all the way to the 12th, manically laughing in the elevator like a deranged psychopath. I laughed even harder remembering that the second elevator was out of order and their only choice was to wait for this one.

I continued laughing even when I reached my floor and headed to my room. I opened the door with Amanda still reading on her bed. I flopped on my bed and began to shuffle the cards that were in my pocket. After a few minutes, the doorknob to my room began to jiggle. I got up and went to the door, looking in the peephole. I gasped, surprised. All four boys were in front of my door. They were all heaving for breath, two of them sliding against the wall. I kept quiet, my heart racing in anticipation. I really didn't understand it, but I was excited. There was no better feeling than getting the upper hand.

"She might not even be in there." Said one boy with a thick British accent. The boy sitting beside him, answered back. "Barbara said she was wearing the bear slippers."

Fan-fucking-tastic! I looked down at my comfortable, adorable slippers. They were my favorite.

"Shush! Be quiet."

Looking through the peephole, I knew he had his ears pressed up against the wooden door. I bit my lip, wondering if I could do it or not.

He did laugh at you. They all did. They laughed every time you tried to change the channel!

I had made up my mind and opened up my closet, looking for my duffel bag. Finding what I was looking for, I pressed my mini-fog horn against the door.

I turned around to see Amanda opening her mouth, looking confused at my foghorn. "Go! Go into the bathroom!" I whispered.

She seemed insulted. "You can't-"

I shushed her, gesturing wildly for her to into the bathroom. She ran into the bathroom and I looked into the peephole, the boy still pressed up against the door. And then, I pressed the horn. The loud noise surprised him so hard; he accidentally shoved himself backwards against the wall, his friends scrambling to the side. I finally let out my laughter; laughing so hard I found it difficult to breathe. I knew they had to have heard me laughing.

"God damn it!" A hard pound against the door.

"That's what you get for trying act smart downstairs, asshole!"

I looked through the peephole, and to my amazement, he was smiling.

"Fuck this shit, man."

"I'm going back to my room."

"Let's just go!"

I threw my fist in the air and rejoiced at my success. And maybe added in a little dance of my own.

A knock at my door.

I looked in the peephole again, my vision blocked by his hand.

"Who's there?" I said nonchalantly.

"Don't be a smart ass."

"Don't be an asshole." I countered.

I heard husky laughing. It sounded sexy.

Keeping my eye glued to the peephole, I asked, "What do you want?"

"My hearing back."

I muffled my laughing with my hand. "It wasn't that loud." I struggled to keep the amusement out of my voice.

"I would like an apology."

"Ugh!" I said, outraged. "I think I deserve one."

"I never used a fog horn against you."

"No but you laughed at me. And turned off the TV when I was watching it!" I braced my shoulder against the door, ready to defend myself from a counter-attack.

"Yeah and you got me back with the elevator. By making me walk back 10 flights of stairs." His voice was dark and husky. The more he kept talking, the more it seemed to turn me on.

Oh my god. What's wrong with you?

"So then why'd you try to open my door and get in?"

There was a pause. "To…say….sorry?"

I banged my fist on the door. "Oh come on! You're not even trying to sound sincere."

"Open the door."


"What if I promised to behave myself?"

I snorted. "I don't know you very well, but even I know that sounds like complete bullshit."

"Hey I'm a nice guy." He said, sounding truly sincere.

I wasn't buying it.

"Yeah sure."

"Alright, you leave me no choice."

I rolled my eyes. "What're you gonna do? Call campus police on me?"

No answer. I tried to look into the peephole but his hand was still blocking it. I kept my ear against the door, hearing muffled words. Giving up, I stood by the door waiting.

"You know we can call a truce if you open this door."

I immediately became suspicious, his voice upbeat. "What's opening the door going to do?"

"I want to see your face. The face of my enemy."

"Oh cry me a river drama-queen."

A knock at the door.

"Knocking isn't going to help asshole."

"Excuse me?"


I recognized that voice as my RA Barbara. I looked through the peephole that was no longer covered. She stood in front of the door, both hands on her hips. I unlocked the door to see her pissed face.

I gulped. "Hi."

"There's been a disturbance reported in your room."

I gasped. "What!" I looked passed her where the tall boy stood. I was not prepared. His dark brown hair was tousled; he was wearing a large sweatshirt that I was sure held a body that was muscled and lean. He smiled, revealing his dimples, perfect teeth and high cheekbones. His skin was a sun-kissed tan and his lips were so poufy and pink, it looked nearly ridiculous on him. I could tell my face was completely flushed and my body steaming from my toes to the top of my head. He was beautiful.

I made sure I didn't sound as breathless as I felt. "You tattled! Really?"

He laughed, licking his lips. He looked like his face belonged on a GQ catalog. The son of a bitch. "I didn't. I swear."

I pressed my palms together in a prayer. "Look, I didn't mean any harm. He was annoying me downstairs and he-"

"There's been a compliant filed against you." She said, still pissed, and not at all ready to hear what I had to say.

My mouth dropped. "What? Are you serious? He's not even deaf!" I pointed at him. "I bet his hearing's just fine too! Look at him! He's enjoying this!"

She turned to look at him, where he abruptly became solemn, like his dog died. I wanted to beat his face into the ground with a baseball bat. The balls of my feet were digging into my bear slippers, rubbing against the carpet in the hallway.

"I swear." He said, smiling once more when Barbara glared back at me, "I didn't call her. Maybe if you apologize to whoever made the call, it can all go away."

"You son of a bit-"

"Okay language please!" She said, with her palm out like a stop sign.

I threw my head back. This was fucking perfect. My first day and I was going to have a compliant filed against me.

"Alright whatever. File it, I don't care. But I'm filing my compliant against him!"

Barbara crossed her arms on her chest.

I raised an eyebrow. "Should I give you a pen to write it down?" I asked, the pettiness in me coming out.

She was not thrilled by my response. "I want the fog horn now."


I slammed the door shut on her face and grabbed the foghorn. Amanda came out of her bathroom and I swiftly noticed her cellphone bulging in her pocket.

I stood frozen.

"Did you call the RA on me?"

Amanda opened up her magazine and flipped through the pages.

I kicked her bed. "Did you?"

She glanced up at me. "And if I did?"

I leaned down and pressed my face close to hers. "Then I guess I'll have to tell her about the pet snake and tarantula you're secretly keeping in your closet.

Her eye widened in shock. "How…you never saw…" She jumped off the bed. "You went through my closet!"

The truth was Tre had met Amanda, and immediately made it clear she disliked him. In matter of seconds he had found all he needed to know about her when she made a trip to the bathroom.

"Get rid of this compliant against me or I spill the fucking beans!"

She was livid, her pale face a furious red.

A pounding at the door.

I opened it and shoved the foghorn in Barbara's hand. "There."

"Come follow me, so I can write the report."

"Wait!" said Amanda. She pushed past me and stood in front of the RA. "I take back the compliant. It was a mistake."

The boy raised both his eyebrows in disbelief and mouthed "Seriously?" I ignored him.

"Well it doesn't really matter anymore. You're not allowed to have this in your dorm room."

"What! She's taking it back!" I exclaimed, annoyed. I shoved my arm against Amanda. If she didn't get Barbara to take it back, I was throwing her to the wolves.

"There's nothing in the student handbook or regulations that states we can't have foghorns, so she can't be punished for it."

It was Barbara's turn to be livid. "You complained about it."

"And I'm taking it back."

Her mouth shut and opened numerous times, like a fish out of water. "Alright, well then I'll write a complain for both of you."

"For what!" Amanda and I both screamed.

"Alright, alright, alright." He said, putting both his hands on the RA's shoulders. "Come on Babs. Let's talk about this."

"Eric, I'm not in the mood for this."

He leaned down to whisper in her ear quietly and her lips quirked up.

She sighed. "Okay fine. I'm letting you two off with a warning. If I get a compliant about you, I'm writing it whether or not anyone takes it back." She warned. She flipped her hair to the side and walked away with a strut. Amanda shoved past me and headed to the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

"Nice roommate." Eric said.

"Maybe it's time for you to get lost. Fun's over."

He smiled a mega-watt smile. If I wasn't so pissed and had such a stringent control over my libido, I would've swooned. "Oh don't let that ruin the fun. It's not like I called her here."

I felt my migraine come back in full speed. "I'm not in the mood for this anymore. I'm tired and sick."

He shoved his hands in the pocket of his jeans, glancing at me with skepticism. "Come on, I'm bored."

I snarled at him. "I'm sure you can find someone else to play with." With that, I slammed my door shut not before I heard him say, "I think you just became my favorite."

Ta-Da! Oh I like this so much better than my original chapter.