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AN: First off I would like to thank my beta (Kanika Sanura) for reading through this and editing everything necessary, I must have given you a headache, so sorry. You were a great help dear. This is after all yaoi so yes there will be malexmale/slash whatever you like to call it. The characters here are all fictional and they're mine. So, you've been warn and what not, enjoy!

Am I Just A Substitute? Or Am I A Lover?

"Get off of me!" I yelled at my friend, Chris. Having him on top of me wasn't something I wanted right now. My body was pressed tightly to the cold, hard floor under his as I struggle to get him off. One, he was heavy; two, I knew what he was looking for from me and three, I wanted him off me. Now! Maybe I should blame my lack of muscles and energy for not being able to get rid of him from my back.

"Oh, come on, just let me stay this way for now," he whined like a puppy. If he were a dog, I would've be able to hear him wagging his tail energetically right now.

"No," I said back, managing to roll over. Well, that didn't do me any good. He was still on me, but now we were facing each other. I could feel my stomach being slowly squished against his weight. Why does he have to be so freaking heavy?

"Oh, this position is kind of arousing, isn't it, Nick?" He asked smugly, pressing himself more against me. Our faces were only inches away from each other and that made my heartbeat quicken. That was it, I decided to use all my strength to shove his face away and quickly sat up so that he didn't get the chance to crush me again. "God damn it, Chris, just because your girlfriend dumped you, doesn't mean you can use me as a substitute and do this. Now get off!" I yelled at him.

"Aw, you're so cold, Nick," he pouted and finally got off of me. He was so childish sometimes. If he didn't get what he wanted, he would act like a five year old sometimes.

"Fina-" I was about to say when Chris grabbed me by my collar and pulled me up to a kiss. Well, he tried to anyway. I was so familiar with this that I dodged, causing him to fall face down onto the cold, hard floor this time. Serves him right. I looked at him, offering no help.

"What's up with you coming here every time this happens?" I asked, standing up, patting dust from my pants.

"I need comfort," Chris shrugged, rubbing his head in pain.

"If you would learn how to keep your relationships, you wouldn't, would you?" I asked back.

"Come on, you should be used to this by now," he said, latching himself onto my back the moment I turned around. His recovery from the fall was quick. He doesn't know when to give up, the damn idiot.

"I don't care, I'm getting tired of being your comfort buddy," I said, pushing him off and walking to the sofa.

"Oh, really?" he asked in a low voice from behind me. I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck as he wrapped his arms around me. I shivered, and almost gave in, when my senses kicked back in as he slipped his hands under my shirt and squeezed my nipples. What was I thinking?

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked quickly.

"What do you think?" he asked softly as he kissed my neck, using his hands to knead my nipples. I could feel them harden, and I knew if I didn't stop him, he'd go further .

"Stop it!" I yelled as I pushed myself out of his embrace.

"Aw, you're no fun, Nick," he said, standing up and walking over to the fridge. The one thing that can distract him from something like this was food or booze. And for sure, he was looking for one of those in my fridge.

"I'm sorry I'm no fun, but I'm not some whore you can fuck with. If you're planning to get drunk, do it somewhere else," I spat at him.

"And you're not a whore, never said you were, anyways. You're out of beer?" he asked me, ignoring my comment about getting drunk.

"I don't drink as much as you, we're not even supposed to be drinking," I said. Considering there was school tomorrow and knowing Chris, he'd probably drink till he dropped dead drunk and with a hangover.

"You nag too much. I'll just go buy some more at the store then. Wait, I think I have some at my place. I'll just run over and get them," he said, hopping towards the door.

"I told you already, no drinking here," I said, gritting my teeth.

"Then, we'll go to my place," he said, simply grabbing my hand and pulling me out of my apartment.

"Look, I already told y-" before I could finish, he was already dragging me away. His place was three doors down from mine, so it only took him a minute or two. I gave up and followed him. Chris and I have been friends for nearly 12 years now, and nothing has changed. Chris was a natural born playboy, and that lead him to having many relationships, short ones anyway. Make it a guy or a girl; he would go from one relationship to another. And whenever he would get dumped, he would always come to me for comfort. Or for comfort sex anyway. Unlike him, I was 100% gay. Up until 9th grade, we have both been normal friends, after that one incident our relationship went from being just friends, to being just sex friends. And to make it worse, I like the damn guy. Of all people why him? I would always ask myself.

Chris is one of those types of guys who you find at the beach surfing with a group of girls surrounding him and just lusting to touch him afterwards. His body was fit, he was gloriously tan with soft, curly blond hair that just screamed out "touch me!" and eyes that say they can seduce you in a snap of a finger. And me? I'm a normal nerdy guy with dark black hair and no features that scream out "I'm hot stuff." Though I don't wear thick glasses, I wear contacts. You don't need glasses to be a nerd, what you need is intelligence. So what was so special about me that made him want to cuddle in bed with me? I don't know, I tried to answer that question myself but never found one. And I wasn't going to get one it seemed.

"Do you ever clean this place up?" I asked him as I entered his room.

"It's not that bad," he said, and walked over to his fridge. Not that bad? It was like a pigsty in here. The dishes were left out unwashed, his clothes were tossed about everywhere, and report papers cluttered the floor and table. I made my way to the couch through all the mess and flopped down on it and scanned around. Looks like I'm going to have to help him clean up again this week.

"Here," he said, tossing me a can of cold beer. He opened his and started to chug it down. I opened mine and took small sips. Unlike Chris, I cannot hold my liquor that well and I wasn't about to make myself available for him tonight. God knows what I do when I get drunk. And believe me, when I get drunk, I get really drunk, to the point where I can't remember what happened when I wake up the next day. And then I'm left with this horrible hangover that lasts for days.

"Man, what more did she want? I gave her all she ever wanted in me and yet she was still unsatisfied," he started to complain and took another swig of his beer. Here we go again. This is how things always start whenever he gets dumped. Even though he was a player - most of the time - he was the one getting dumped.

"Did she do the same thing the others did?" I asked him, putting my beer down on the table.

"What? Test me? What good will that do?" he asked.

"That's your problem. You don't get it. They're doing those things to see how you would react. Intentionally flirting with others to see if you'll get jealous, pretending to ignore you to see if you would get sad, pretending to break up to see if you really care," I told him, emphasizing on the last part.

"Hah, if they're doing that, it just means that they have little trust in me. But what happens? They don't. Would you be okay with that if it were you, Nick?" he asked me, and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Look, I'm trying to help you here and, hey! Don't spill your beer on me!" I yelled at him.

"Oh, don't be such a nag, come on, drink more!" he said. He grabbed my can of beer and pushed it to my mouth. I spluttered as the rush of beer burned my throat. I pulled his hand away and started to cough violently, trying to breathe.

"Damn…you," I choked out between breathes.

"You were never the drinker, Nick," he said, leaning back into the couch.

"And you've become an alcoholic. Better off as I am and not as you," I retorted, finally able to breathe normally again.

"I'm no alcoholic," he said seriously.

"Well, you're on your way to being one," I snapped. It was true. The past 2 years he'd been drinking way too much. Maybe the all of the relationship problems are finally making him crack. He'd always told me that he wanted to find the right person soon. He was impatient, an idiot, spoiled and stubborn, but he always had that look in his eyes. Since we were little he had always said that he dreamt of raising a happy and warm family. Maybe that was the reason he was such a player? Then how do I fit into this equation? Or was I even part of the equation?

Those thoughts always caused a jarring pain to cross my heart. The mere thought that all along, I was nothing but another person in Chris's life that he'd soon leave behind hurts. Just the thought that I didn't mean much to him broke my heart. That was my reason for doing these things with him. But they were all just excuses to be with him, I know that.

"But you'll stop me before it's too late, right, Nick?" he asked, his voice filled with self-assurance.

"What make you so sure I will?" I asked bitterly.

"Because I'm special to you," he answered, showing me his smug expression.

"Shut up," I hissed at him.

"You know, things wouldn't have changed between us if you hadn't told me," Chris said seriously, looking into my eyes.

"And I regretted ever telling you," I barked back at him acridly.

"I thought you liked it this way," Chris said, glancing at me from his beer.

"Like what? Being your sex friend? If you think I'm happy seeing you with other people and then using me as a substitute afterwards, you're dead wrong," I said resentfully.

"Whoever said I was using you?" Chris asked, coming closer to me.

"It doesn't need to be said. It's clear as can be. Get off of me, your breath stinks of alcohol," I said grimacing.

"No duh, I'm currently drinking beer. You know what, Nick? Even though you're smart, you can be so stupid sometimes and it's so frustrating," Chris said, putting down his beer.

"What is tha-" I was about to ask, when I was met with a kiss from Chris. He's still at it! My body was pressed to the couch under Chris's weight.

"I love you," Chris muttered to me, continuing to stay on top of me, and staring lovingly at me. He had never looked at me that way, or was it I'd just never noticed it? I blushed, from my head to my toes probably, 'cause he started to laugh. This isn't fair! It's cruel, how could he mess with me like this?

"Stop messing around with my feelings," I said, grabbing the comforter and throwing it at him.

"Whoa, hey, didn't you hear what I just told you?" Chris asked, grabbing my right wrist and moving so that our entire bodies were close to being melted cheese, molding into each other. So close, so near. Even when we were having sex, we were never this close.

"It's not like you mean it. You're probably just drunk," I said, not facing him. I knew I was blushing hard, because I could feel my cheeks and ears burning hot. My face must be bright red by now. I wonder if it looks like an apple?

"Am I really?" he asked, turning my head so that I faced him. His beautiful face that I've wanted to hold in my hands and feel is so close now. It's not that I've never done that, but I was never able to do it without feeling guilty and sad. Even though it seems like he's using me, I feel like I'm really the one using him.

His gaze made my body tingle and plead for his; to feel his well sculpted body against mine. The thought made me shudder with desire. His sky blue eyes pierced through all my defenses and made me want to give myself to him. Just give in, a voice in the back of my head told me. But I wouldn't listen, not with things like this.

"What are your intentions?" I asked weakly, still resisting against him, using my free hand to try and push him away. But by now, I felt like most of my strength was gone.

"None. I just want you to know the truth," he said earnestly.

"The truth? Ha, don't make me laugh. If you really did love me, we would've been going out a long time ago. But no, you still go and date others right in front of my face, ignoring the fact that it hurts me every time I see you together with someone else," I said, my voice quivering as tears ran down my cheeks.

"I had my reasons why," he tried to explain.

"What reasons?" I asked.

"I…when you confessed to me, I was confused. I didn't know what to do after that. Even though we were both guys, I didn't feel disgusted a single bit. And in the midst of all my confusion, there was this strange feeling I had for you. At that time, I was still that immature kid, so I couldn't put a finger on what they were. I kept on feeling bothered for not understanding those feelings, so I started to mess around, a lot. I thought maybe it'd help, you know, but it didn't; it all just made me feel uneasy. And then suddenly you and I started this sexual relationship, which satisfied me, but something still irked me. I knew it would hurt you, but I couldn't help it, and before I knew it, we weren't normal friends anymore.

Look, after that my feelings manifested and whenever I saw you really happy with someone else, it irritated the fuck out of me. A girl even noticed and told me bluntly that I love you, but I didn't believe her. Until a month later, when I saw you with some guy I've never met before. You looked so happy with him, more than you've ever been with me. It made want to run over to you guys and beat the crap out of him. Exactly then did I finally realize that I did love you all along. The truth was, I had all those relationships and ended them so easily because I wanted to keep on being able to hold you. I was afraid you'd change your feelings for me. I didn't want to find out if it was true, so I kept on it…until now," he finally finished , smiling serenely. He looked at me, searching for understanding.

"But it hurt so much," I said breathlessly.

"I'm so sorry. I just never knew," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"You think sorry will just make me forgive you?" I asked.

"But if you're still here with me, it must mean that you still love me, and that I still have a chance to be forgiven. I finally got my answer, and it's good news, not bad news," he said, gently kissing my tear-stained cheeks.

"Huh, that's the strange thing. I always wanted to know why I'm still with you. Am I that in love with you? 'Yes' was the answer I always got," I told him.

"That's the good thing right? I don't ever want you to leave me," he said, caressing my cheeks.

"How do I know you're not lying to me? How do I know if I'm not just like any other you can play with and then throw away like trash, huh, Chris?" I asked him.

"You're not. Why can't you trust me on this?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

"Maybe after all these years, I can't seem to trust you anymore. What you just told me, it could all be a lie. If we go out, I don't think I'll be able to withstand the heartbreak that might come with it," I told him.

"But that won't happen. I promise you, I'll never make you cry like that again," he told me sweetly.

"Will you really?" I asked him, reaching out to touch his face, searching for the truth.

"Yes, really," he said, taking my hand gently and kissing my palm.

"Since when have you been so romantic?" I asked, smiling slightly.

"You don't need to know," he said, nuzzling me.

He let go of my wrist to hold me in a deep kiss as he carried me to his bed. I returned it passionately, our tongues interlocked with each other, pushing the other gently first, then becoming more demanding as the moment grew. I wanted him, letting my defenses fall and engulfing myself in him, and I knew this time for sure that he wanted me too.

"Mmnn…" I moaned slightly, my breath coming out short and panting.

"Look at you. Only a few sips and already this way," Chris said, chuckling, and brushing my lips tenderly

"Shut up," I whispered, but I knew my face betrayed me.

"You seem to be more erotic and passionate than the other times," he chuckled quietly.

"I wonder why," I said in a half daze, kissing him.

"Hm, I wonder too," he said, before starting to make an invisible trail of kisses down my body.

"Ahn…" I moaned, gripping onto his shirt. He removed my shirt and flung it to the floor. He started to slip off my pants and left it at my ankles to remove my boxers. Chris was very good at undressing people. Especially when it came to me it seemed.

"Nick, have I ever told you that you're really lovely when you're in my arms, crying out wildly?" Chris asked me devilishly.

"You pervert," I said, blushing.

"But aren't I so lovable?" he asked playfully.

"Yeah, really lovable," I said sarcastically, and kissed him again. I opened my mouth to let his tongue enter and roam. Our tongues pushed at each other, tugging and dueling, our moans mixing together.

"Should I make you go wild tonight?" he asked me in a hoarse voice as we pulled away.

"You animal," I giggled. We both knew we wanted it badly right now. We were just waiting for it to happen.

"Oh, yes, I am," he said, giving a wolf like grin as he rubbed my length.

"Oh!" I cried out. I could feel myself quickly become more aroused from his touch. He kissed me on my neck and down to my nipples, playing with them and the area around them so much that I swore I was going to have a bunch of hickeys on my body the next morning.

"Mmn…Ahh…so good," I groaned. My whole body became hot as I became more excited.

"Your nipples are so pink and hard," he said in a husky, sexy voice. He continued to play with my nipples, kneading and kissing them, sending waves of wanting through me.

"Chris…I…ah…want it more…ngh…there," I begged him.

"So erotic," he kissed my ears before he brought his mouth to my cock. I jerked from the sudden rush of pleasure.

"Ahhhhh…" I cried out. He began sucking quickly, teasing the tip until I couldn't hold on anymore. I shuddered. Every time he sucked on my cock, a riveting feeling of pleasure passed throughout me. Every part of me screamed out for more from him.

"St…Stop…I'm gonna….co-come," I pleaded, trying to push his head away. He wouldn't budge and he kept on until I came…in his mouth. He looked up and smiled, licking his lips.

"That was dirty," I said.

"That was delicious," he replied, and kissed me again. "Touch mine."

He took a hold of my hand and drew it to his big, hot cock. I slowly moved my hand, stroking it gently and felt it grow. Our moans filled the room as we stroked and pleasured each other. Or lips met once again, hungrily seeking each other, our breaths coming out quick and ragged.

Then I felt something cold slip in.

"Wha!" I yelped out in surprised. He started to thrust his finger in and out, seeking my sweet spot. One finger, next two and then three. The pain was subtle, but it was still there. I soon lost measurement on how much he was thrusting inside me. Then he hit my prostate several times and I cried out as I came again. A smile spread over his face from my reaction. But then he pulled his fingers out and I clung onto him, whimpering for him not to stop.

"Don't worry, I'll give you something more substantial soon," he told me in a low voice, caressing me. "You come so easily."

"Shut up," I managed to utter, but I might as well not try. He bit my ears and licked the lobes. His mouth found mine once more as one hand rubbed my nipples and the other stroked my length.

"I can't stand it anymore," he whispered to me before he plunged in. I cried out as the sudden rush of pain spread throughout my body. Even though he had loosened me up, it still hurt as he entered me. He lifted my body, turning me over so I was on my belly. I protested, but he told me it would be easier this way.

He waited until my body stopped quivering before he thrust in and out of me slowly, letting my body get used to his shape. I moaned out loud as the pain lessened and was replaced by immeasurable pleasure. I could feel his hot length sliding inward and outward with ease, throbbing inside of me. The heat in my lower area grew as my desire for more of him increased. I ground my body into his, making him moan out loud.

"Do it more, Love," he whispered into my ears. And so I did, making him go faster and harder until he was ramming up to the hilt into me rapidly. Soon, I could feel my orgasm screaming to come out, but Chris wouldn't let me, even though I begged. He said he wanted to do it together. And like he wanted, we both came at the same time. Both parties exhausted and content? I guess that would explain everything.

After a few minutes of resting and snuggling each other, Chris lifted me up, leading me to his bathroom.

"I can bathe all by myself, you know. I'm not that fragile after sex," I said, chuckling softly.

"Let me help you clean up, then," he said, kissing my forehead, not putting me down until he had the water running. This was a new side to Chris I'd never seen before, or at least, never noticed before. We got in together and washed each other.

"Hey, Nick, you wanna go eat lunch together?" my friend Allen asked beside me.

"Sorry, but thanks, I already have plans with somebody else," I answered, packing my stuff and heading to the door.

"With whom?" he asked curiously.

"It's a secret," I told him, smiling.

"Hello, Love, where should we go for lunch today?" Chris asked me, wrapping his arm around my waist, ignoring all the stares we were getting from the other students.

"Anywhere is fine," I answered, giving him a quick peck on his cheeks, disregarding all the whispers that were now arising.

"How about that all you can eat meat place, then?" he asked energetically.

"Eat some vegetables," I sighed, hitting him on the head.

"But it's all you can eat meat!" he said, rubbing his head tearfully.

"Fine, but when we get back home, I'm shoving Brussels sprouts down your throat," I said teasingly.

"But I hate Brussels sprouts!" he groaned.

"Tough luck, buddy," I said, patting his back.

"Okay, then it's all you can eat meat, then!" he jumped up, surprising me, and grabbed my hands to lead me to his car. I laughed all the way there. It felt great to be with the one you loved. End.

N/A: Actually I know this story was very cliché. I mean, even the name sounds cliché. I guess, when you start out, it's best if you use an idea that's easy to work with. I was planning to make a sequel on how their relationship changes and develop after they've become a couple, but I'm unsure on whether I should or not considering I have other series to work on. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it! And please comment. I would love to have some feedback, thank you!

Hien Phan