Are you bored? Do you like to cause explosions? Do you enjoy salt and other salt-based products? Do you hold a grudge against water? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then sodium is for you! Sodium is an element, one of the fundamental building-blocks of life.
Not only is Sodium an element, it is also the answer to any problem you have now or could possibly concieve of having in the near or distant future! For example, lets say that one day, you were taking a drink of water. Then, suddenly, you began to choke on said water. Eventually the episode passes, leaving you out of breath and...thirsting for revenge. So, naturally, you buy the answer to any and every problem, sodium! Just slice off a sizeable chunk and throw it in the glass of water that dared to obstruct your windpipe. I'll bet that your glass of water isn't so cocky now that it's on fire!
Now, if firey water revenge and explosions don't happen to be of intrest to you, although I can't see why they wouldn't, sodium has many other uses. As mentioned above, if you have an affinity for salt, then sodium can help! All you have to do is buy our Sodium: Chloride Expansion Pack(TM) The Sodium: Chloride Expansion Pack includes a 1-pound brick of sodium, a box of seawater, and the Beginner's Guide to Evaporating Seawater Using the Sun. (NOTE: If you don't know where to find the sun, the guide includes directions).
Of course, if you'd rather not spend your free time evaporating seawater, then you could mine halite, or rock salt. However, in order to mine rock salt, you'll need a pickaxe, which we happen to sell as well! (See 101 Reasons to Buy Deadly Weapons that Aren't Considered Deadly Weapons).
Now, if none of these slightly illicit activities pique your intrest, then there are other options as well. Have you heard of soap? Sodium happens to be a key ingredient in most hard soaps, which are much better than their liquidy brethren. So, if you are interested in soap,then you can purchase our Sodium Cleanliness Deluxe Package, which includes a bar of soap made using sodium compounds and a bar of the element sodium the exact size, shape, color, and texture of the aforementioned bar of soap.
Not only is sodium important to your hygene, it's important to your life! Sodium is necessary for regulation of blood and body fluids, transmission of nerve impulses, heart activity, and certain metabolic functions! So, if you don't buy sodium now, then you will die a horrible, extremely painful, gruesome death. This is a Limited-time offer, so order now! (WARNING: Sodium is an extremely volatile element that should be handled with care. By reading the above passage, out loud or otherwise, you remove this company of all liability and have only yourself to blame for any burns, maimings, cripplings, other injuries, and/or death. Enjoy!)