Life is hard. Nobody knows that better than I do. But there is one small difference between the shambles of my life and the remains of others'... I was hurt. Not just physically, as is what usually comes to mind, but also mentally. My life is worthless. I'm useless, a freak, nonexistent. At least, that's what James always said... and he's never wrong.


April shuffled through her apartment, making sure everything was perfectly clean. It was a result of her OCD problem... She sighed, thinking that it was just another thing wrong with her. James had been right, as usual. He was always right...

April ran a brush through her short black hair, blinking dully at her reflection in the mirror. She hated it. She wasn't pretty, not at all. And she wasn't interesting, she wasn't useful, she was completely worthless and useless and stupid. She sighed miserably, thinking that James had been right all along when he told her to go away- he had never wanted her. But he had somehow charmed her, April thought sadly, getting dressed to go out shopping for a few necessity items. And he was always right.

April quickly dressed in a simple, cobalt blue tank top, khaki shorts that were a few inches above her knees, and a pair of black flip flops. It was the middle of summer- there was really no reason to dress in anything more dignified. She left her apartment, careful to lock her door behind her, and got into her silver Honda, driving to the store. April did have to pick up a few things, like bread, milk, cereal, apples, and the like.


River glared at his older brother, sitting on the couch with a pounding head.

"You know, Benny, if you hadn't gone to the party last night and gotten completely drunk, you wouldn't be in this situation," he snapped, crossing his arms. Ben winced and rubbed his temples.

"Not so loud." River threw his hands in the air, exasperated.

"Benny, you were supposed to be the designated driver. Then you just had to have a vodka shot. Do you know what I expected to be doing at four in the morning? Sleeping! But no, I get a call from you. You're so drunk that you can barely stand, and I'm amazed you had the sense to call someone sober, Ben!"

"River, please... quiet..." whispered his brother, suddenly crinkling his face and holding his stomach. River rolled his eyes, and walked over to the door.

"I'm going out," he said curtly, slamming the door behind him. Once out of the house, River took a sudden deep breath, shaking his head. Ben was such an idiot sometimes... River had always thought that when you turned 21, you got a lot more priveleges, respect, and in general knew a lot more.

Evidently not.

He started walking down the street, hands shoved into his jeans pockets, not quite sure where he was going but not really caring. He trudged down the sidewalk, passing a house now and then between the small shops and stores that lined both sides of the road. Hearing a lot of crinkling plastic bags, he incuriously glanced up to see a girl who looked to be about his age struggling to keep about a dozen bags from falling out of her arms as she simultaneously attempted to put them in the backseat of her car. Almost automatically he hurried over to help, catching two bags just in time before they hit the asphalt.

"Oh- thank you," said the girl, hastily stuffing the rest into the backseat of her silver car. She looked up, then froze when she saw his face.


"You're welcome," the boy said, smiling a little. April quickly ducked her head, ready for the verbal lashing that would always have come from James. But none came, and she cautiously peeked up. The boy was holding the two bags out to her, his face a little confused. April hesitantly took them, ready at just about any second for him to begin shouting at her about how clumsy she was, about how she should have been able to hang on to the bags, how she was such an idiot. After all, this was what she had come to expect from boys her own age.

But the boy smiled at her a little, and she bit her lip, turning away to put the bags in the backseat. More out of some sort of sixth sense than anything, she... heard? Felt? Just... knew he opened his mouth to say something, and cringed, taking an automatic step back.

"Sorry, sorry," she mumbled quickly, ready for the shouting and the accusations, the knowledge that nothing she said would do any good, and eventually the backhanded smack to her face.

"For what? It's hardly your fault for almost dropping something when your hands were full," said the brown-haired boy kindly, and April risked a glance up in disbelief. His hazel eyes were on her, and he was clearly perplexed. She lowered her face quickly, fearing the shouting, and walked around the boy, and realized her hands were shaking slightly.

April went to get in her car, but out of her peripheral vision saw the boy's hand out to her. Fearfully, she half-lifted her hands, ready for the smack that would surely have come from James, but only heard the boy say, "You dropped your wallet..."

"Um... I... thanks," she managed after a moment, tentatively taking it from his larger hand, ready for that same hand to come whipping up to strike her just like James' always had. But it didn't, he merely gave her a curious smile, still standing there. April watched him, wondering what was wrong with him. James had always blamed her for anything that went wrong. Why hadn't he?

"So... what's your name?" asked the boy, blinking. His hazel eyes sparkled.

"April Dawn Ross," she answered immediately and out of habit, tensing slightly. It had been the standard 'question and if you don't answer right I'll hurt you' method that James had always used with her when he wanted to know something. The boy blinked at her sudden response, and offered another smile.

"I'm River Alexander," he said, sticking out his hand. April jumped away from it, her old automatic instincts from James coming back. River gave her a perplexed look, and mentally berating herself, April tentatively took his hand, shaking it and pulling her hand away. "Are you okay?" he asked, frowning, puzzled.

"I-I'm fine," stuttered April, blinking quickly. Her blue eyes were wide, and this... River was doing the exact opposite of what James had always done, and she just didn't get it. Why was he being so... so...

Nice?


River's brows lowered over his eyes, confused. Why was this girl acting this way? It was almost as if... as if she expected him to hit her, beat her. Verbally and physically abuse her. But looking at her pale blue eyes, it... well, it wasn't too hard to see that was exactly what she expected. April looked at him almost fearfully, and he held back a sigh.

Instead, he gave her a smile, and asked her, "Do you live around here?" She hesitated, evidently unsure of whether or not to trust him.

Or of whether he was planning to hurt her or not.

"I do," she confirmed quietly, watching him warily. Well, she hadn't gotten in her car to get away from him, at least.

"Cool. I live just down the street," he said cheerfully, jerking a thumb back in the direction he had come. April nodded once, her eyes still on him. She reminded River vaguely of a puppy. A puppy that had been beaten enough to not trust people. And... he barely knew her, but he liked her. She seemed like an interesting person, and... well, she was also very pretty.

Not that this made her any easier.

"Maybe... I dunno... maybe you'd like to grab a coffee sometime?" he asked hopefully, and she blinked, appearing thoroughly shocked.

"I- um- I'd- just- sure," she managed after a minute, her pale blue eyes wide. River offered a wider smile.

"Great!" he said happily, and April appeared to be dumbfounded. She blinked several times, a few strands of short black hair falling in her face. "Where do you live?"

"I... the apartment complex," she murmured, still not taking her eyes off him. Her posture was... defensive, almost, and River would have bet his life savings that she had been beaten- badly- before, and perhaps more than once. No, definitely more than once. She was too jumpy around people, particularly guys... But River simply smiled again.

"Great," he repeated, and asked suddenly, "Hey, April, what do you say I meet you outside the building tomorrow, and we can go for lunch?"


"I... I guess," April said helplessly, blinking quickly. River gave her another white smile.

"Awesome. So... tomorrow at 11:30, then?"

"Sure."

"I'll see you then," commented River cheerfully, his hazel eyes gleaming. April nodded once, looking at him with confusion the dominant expression on her face. Blinking again, she bit her lip and got into her car, starting it and waiting until he was clear before backing out and heading home.

On the way, her mind buzzed with questions. James had dropped her weeks ago, having gotten bored with abusing her, mentally and physically, and since then she'd not felt like she was good enough. But... she still loved James. And she didn't quite know, River just made her feel more... worth it... happier...

April suddenly shook her head once, her ice-blue eyes determined. She couldn't trust him. He could turn on her just as easily as James had, and abuse her again. She couldn't trust any men that were polite to her, she decided. Yes, she'd respond enough to keep him satisfied, but she wouldn't treat him as anything more than an acquaintance.


River watched April drive away, and frowned again. She didn't seem comfortable, he realized. She had been kicked around too many times. And he knew this because he had seen that look in a girl's eyes once before- his older sister, before... before she committed suicide. As a result, this was one of the reasons he wanted to get to know April. She had that look. That look that told anyone who studied her that she would end her life if anything else went wrong. And River didn't want that to happen to April.

Shaking his head slightly, the brown-haired boy started walking home. When he got home, he would help Ben out, maybe... a cup of black coffee, no creamer, no sugar, nothing. That was supposed to help with a hangover, anyways.