*A friend and I were talking, and I was complaining about writers block. So he gave me the idea for this story. It's just a joke, and certainly not my best work, but enjoy.*
Little Johnny Harper hoisted his little sister higher up on his shoulders, grunting up at her,
"Can you reach the candy-canes yet?"
"Almost." Jamie lisped back at him, pushing her tongue through the gap where her front teeth had once been, a habit she had when concentrating, despite her mothers many warnings that if she kept it up the teeth would never grow back. The stool he stood on had a rather rickety leg, and the eight year old was rather worried that both he and his sister would come crashing to earth if their weight remained on it for much longer.
"Got 'em!" Came the triumphant cry, and he lowered her onto the counter, closing the high cabinet before stepping off the old seat. Her little hands scrambled with the packaging until he snatched it away from her, opening it with ease. Jamie was an intelligent girl for her six years, yet opening plastic bags still alluded her. He passed her the first one he pulled from the bag, and she tugged at the wrapping with her remaining teeth, ignoring the many breaks she caused.
Johnny, the constant perfectionist, peeled his off more carefully. Yet crunched down on it the moment he had it open.
"What if Mommy and Daddy find out?" Jamie worried, swinging her legs and furrowing her brow as she licked the red stripes from the sweet.
"They won't. We don't open the candy-canes till just before Christmas." Johnny waved off her concern, pretending not to be afraid of getting his Christmas presents taken away. The kitchen was quiet for a few minutes, until the rustle of the plastic bag as Jamie reached in for another treat. But a foreign voice stopped her.
"I say, you'll rot your teeth!" Both children jumped, eyes darting to the doorway, expecting to see an angry parent. Yet it remained empty. The voice came again,
"Can't you children hear right? I'm over here."
"Oh, you're so rude to everyone. They're just kids." came another unfamiliar voice. Jamie realized just where the voices came from,
"You're fruit!" she yelped, jumping down from the counter and skipping over to the table where the bowl was set. Johnny was more suspicious, and sniffed what was left of the candy-cane, wondering if he'd been drugged, like that movie he had watched from behind the sofa.
"Yes, we're fruit." said the first, grumpy, voice. And Jamie realized it came from a lemon. A lemon that had strangely grown a face, arms, and legs. Jamie was an imaginative child, and this didn't disturb her as much as it did her brother.
"But, fruit don't talk." He pointed out, and the second voice scoffed, and they now saw it came from an apple, with similar features to the lemon.
"I beg to differ. Although, I wouldn't call what Banana does talking." A third voice, belonging to said banana, protested,
"I so talk, dude."
"Young man, if your mother were here, would she like to hear you talk so moronically?"
"Don't talk about my Mom as if you knew her, Lem. You always mention her. I swear I'll start peeling myself again."
Apple rolled his eyes, and Jamie asked,
"Do you talk to many people?"
"You aren't really asking the right questions." Apple replied, smiling,
"Okay," Johnny frowned, "Do all fruit talk?"
"Most things do. You just never really listen." Lemon said, "Now. You two were stealing candy."
"Yes." Jamie gave a gap-toothed grin, "Third time we've gotten away with it this week!"
"That's not the right attitude to take!" Lemon scolded, her voice shrill, "Don't you wonder why all your teeth keep falling out?"
"Mommy says they're meant to. The Tooth fairy brings me dollars for them."
"Your mouth wouldn't be so empty if you'd eat fruit once and a while."
"Are you telling us to eat you?" Johnny questioned.
"It would be a relief from this cold, dark world." Banana pouted, a tear threatening to run down his skin.
"Where do you get this shit?" Apple shot him a look, Jamie gasped and slapped her hands over her ears.
"FROM MY SOUL!" Banana yelled, moodily, "None of you understand me."
"Young man, don't use such language. Particularly not in front of the children." Lemon said, looking disapprovingly at Apple.
"Don't be such a sour-puss. Johnny will be saying much worse in a few years." Johnny blushed a little, recalling a conversation he had over heard between his older brother and his girlfriend when hiding under his brothers bed.
"As I was saying," Lemon said, hands on what Jamie assumed was her hips. "You two should really eat healthier. Eat Banana, he irritates me enough."
Lemon reminded Jamie of her Grandmother, and had always been a little afraid of the old woman, so her little hand darted out and grabbed the fruit.
"Put me down! Lem, you're sick! Stop it!"
"I thought you wanted relief from this evil world?" Apple reminded him, as Jamie peeled his face off and bit out his brain. Lemon wore an approving smile.
"See? Not bad."
"Not as good as a candy-cane." Jamie said through a mouthful, yet enjoyed the fruit.
"Johnny, I think you'd enjoy me." Apple said, leaping into his hand,
"Won't it hurt to be eaten?" Apple considered the "your mom" jokes that could be made, yet let it lie, rolling his eyes again he said,
"Banana's a wimp. Take a bite." Johnny bit his face off.
"Thank god I can finally get some sleep." Lemon sighed, settling down at the bottom of the bowl,
"So this wasn't so we'd eat healthier?" Jamie pouted,
"No. I don't really care how you eat. Most of America is dying of eating to much crap anyway."
"Oh..." Johnny said as the fruit dozed off. "Bitch." He commented, tossing the apple core into the trash.
"Johnny!" Jamie said, reproachfully, the boy shrugged.
"Dad calls Mom that all the time."
"Okay... More candy?"
"Of course." Jamie grinned, delving into the bag again.