Chapter 7: We can choose who we love, but not always who we live with.
Looking back and rereading chapters, I realized that I have not yet breached the topic of familial love. So I figure this would be a good time.
Let me say first that I am a firm believer that the term 'family' is one for the people who you feel closest to in your life. The people who know all sides of you, good and bad, and deal with you for it. In order for someone to truly be family you MUST love them first.
I also am a firm believer that this love may not coincide with the group of people you were born into. And, seeing as it most certainly did not in my life, have been cautious about speaking about it. However, nonetheless, as a child everyone grows up with someone else. Whether it is their birthparents, step parents, adopted parents, or an orphanage, the premise is the same. You are surrounded by people for a number of years who you must stay around whether you like it or not for fear of having nothing.
For that reason I am now going to speak of something that, though I may be personally hard-headed on, I believe should be discussed:
Does a person have a responsibility to Love their families.
This is…difficult. You are in a house with a lot of people, if you don't at least care for them to some extent, everyone's life will be brought down in quality. I say this for the reason that living together means working with each other. People will have bad days where they lash out, people will be forgetful, some people will be messy sometimes, some people will be learning what is right and what is wrong. Thus in order for chaos to not ensue, and for happiness to exist, some type of caring and forgiveness must be carried out. For this to be done in the form of love would, most definitely, bring forth the best of end results. People would be there for each other, forgive each other, argue perhaps and fight (as disagreements will happen, and the time tends to always happen with youth when some people know what is good for someone better than the person themselves), but make it through alright. They need to look out for the good of the family as well as their own happiness.
However, say one person is not treating the family lovingly. Say there is a tragic incident, a person with mental instability, a death that causes one person to hide away themselves. Say, you are being beaten by a parent. Do you still have responsibility to love them?
Automatically one may think, no. But let us think further by bringing up a few points.
Anger and hate only sparks more anger and hate—vengeful thinking leads only to more vengeance. You are not being loved, and are treating the pain giver with the same vileness as they are treating you. This will only fuel the fire. Not only does it lead to a rise in bad feelings but will also cause the pattern to continue to exist, until maybe one party becomes fearful of the other—and there is nothing more terrible than living in fear.
On the flipside there is the fear that may exist by not loving but also not fighting with hate. However…I do believe that fear can often be a form of hate. You can love and fear, and you can hate and fear. Either way it leads only to pain. Odds are that this will not cause guilt but will only cause, as with the anger, the problem to persist. It also may cause others to step in, further separating you from this person. While this is one way to answer the situation, it will make it so that the burned bridge will never be rebuilt without much difficulty. It seems, however, to be a good choice if the problem is never able to be sorted out.
The third is to not fight back violently, but not fear. One part of loving is seeing where the other person is wrong. I do not mean "turn the other cheek", but, rather, to identify the problem and not give into it. By continuing to act how you should, but also attempting to see the root of the problem and sort it out yourself, there is a show of maturity. While this may further aggravate the wrong-doer, it could also cause them to see their faults, and while this will hurt and anger them, it may, after time, cause the issue to lessen.
In that way I actually do believe that the best result is possible with the help of love. After all, it would most definitely be love that could help the forgiveness needed afterwards. However, it must also be recognized that for love to help the wrongdoer also must attempt, and though I believe it possible for love to be helpful, it can easily be twisted and it should not be obligated.
Well, this will be only part one, I will attempt to discuss this more in a later chapter. Thanks for reading!