Who is Rachel? I never know what to say, because there's just too much to me. I am Rachel the blindy, who is very opinionated. I am honestly a bit proud of what I have to say. I am a person with a lot of inner struggles. I think I am good at the same time I think I completely fail in life. I also think I am ignorant and yet I think I have some solid opinions. I think I can do it yet, I don't think so. I think I am worth something and am confident, and then I turn around and scorch myself. I think I am a worthy friend and that I have something to offer then, I think you know what never mind I am just a stupid girl that no one deserves to hang out with. I think about how different I am and am very proud of what I made myself, and then I also turn around and tell myself I am no good. I think I speak up saying things about me or write things that are worth reading, the next minute I feel like striking it all down and curse and scorch myself for what I write. Something is always brewing in my head and if my negative side takes over too much then I tend to be saddish. I have a feeling a lot of the negative is rather irational, which I really try to get rid of, but never seem to be able to do. I mostly don't let it out except in the privacy of my room. I really try and yet it happens when I am not in my room too. I don't think my sadness is for anyone else and this is the longest description about my inner struggles and I feel bad for writing it because it seems like complaining. Sorry for wasting time. I could have probably give you better information. I've probably already bored you.
I am honest, clever, integrative, intellectual, forward, opinionated, philosophical, debatable, political, chatty, friendly, egoist, and truly confused. My past makes me who I am and why I have my opinions. I am also a bit bitter because life, and sometimes I am proud of it. I know what is what, because of my extensive studies and experiences. I was treated like a useless blind person at the beginning of my school career and didn't learn very much. I was pulled out of class all day. In fourth grade my dad fought with the district to mainstream me and so I repeated fourth grade. So, this is my 13th or 14th year in school. I sat there though and learnt what I didn't before and caught up. I was still held back by my share of delayed books, materials, and plain missing stuff. I was still pulled out though and didn't stop relying on the vision room until high school when I didn't have a room in which I could chat it up a storm. I'd make excuses for myself and left to go to the vision room. I didn't do my work in the vision room I waisted time in there being on the computer doing stuff that certainly wasn't school assigned work. I was held back from valuable information, instead I stpend too much time dreaming. There were too many things I didn't know. There were too many things that I should have learnt and didn't. I was overly sheltered at home. I was allowed to go out, but not allowed to travel far until I accidentally had the whole city after me at fifteen. I am very proud of that day, and thankful that it happened. My parentts told the school I couldn't learn to take public transportation. Until that day, they didn't want me on the buses, which I would ventually have had to learn. Otherwise, i things always seem to happen at school. People scream when I get near them. I was most definitley labeled that blind girl. Outside, I don't do very much, my life is fairly boring and normal.
As to who people think I am, I don't know it depends who you ask. Some think me, arrogant. Some think me too forward. Some think I am boring. Some think I am goofy. Some think I am mature and inteligent. I don't really know how people think of me, and I don't really care about it.
Author's Note: so yeah, sorry it's rough it's a journal I wrote at school for my speech class and I'll just leave it this way it's a journal and my continue thoughts. I didn't really stop and think very much, so enjoy my true feelings and a few new details I have not shared with too many.