An Official Dating Proposal to a Robotic and Hot Voice
by Holly McDede
Dear Robotic and Hot Voice on the subway,
It's me, Rebecca. First time writer. Loooooong time listener. I hear your robot voice everyday during my daily commute, faithfully letting all Bay Area Rapid Transit passengers know the inside scoop of when their train will be approaching.
I write with a question: Are you married? There's a female subway voice, and I've always wondered if you two were an item. If so, that is really cute, unless there is a genetic problem with marrying someone of the same voice variety. I wouldn't want mutations for your children, but I suppose mutations would be difficult because you do not have body parts or intelligence to begin with (it's my favorite part about you!) In any case, I am sure your children will be lovely voices.
That is, if you and the female subway voice are items after all. If you are not, perhaps we could go on a date. I realize that a letter is an awkward vehicle for this proposal, but you always change the topic when I ask you out in person. You say, "Dublin/Pleasanton Now Approaching" even though I have no recollection of asking you anything about Dublin/Pleasanton. Sometimes it feels like your subway voice is saying to me, "Love train approaching...in eight centuries" or even "Love approaching...as soon as you realize I am only a voice and get off my throat."
Think about that question real carefully before you reply.
I have another question. Are you a human? Before you answer, know that I would date you whether or not you were a human. I will acknowledge that a part of me has also always sensed there was a person behind your famous robot voice. My father, for instance, was both a human and a voice – yes, at the same time. Imagine my surprise when I was watching a movie trailer when it was my father's voice that boomed into my ear, "Just when you think the earth is under attack by strange creatures...It turns out...It isn't." Yeah, he's that guy! My own father is a movie trailer voice!
Another reason I think you might be a human is because sometimes I sense some tenderness in your words, like when you say, "This is a public safety advisory. Please keep an eye on all your belongings." You are always looking out for me by asking me to look out for myself. This reminds me of Dad, and how I would always hear his voice in the movie trailer, "Human beings...Watch out for yourselves. There are. Others. Out there." You do not say, "This is a public safety advisory. Please keep an eye on that woman's belongings; she looks like she might have some cash in there." No, no, no, you, unlike voices, have morals.
There are certainly human voices among you that are certainly humans. I don't like them. Once, I wanted to see what it was like to step on the yellow line that is directly before the train. "I know you are not seriously stepping on that line," a human male voice said through the intercom. "Seriously, get off that line." One day, I had lost my ticket and was forced to sneak on the subway. "The transit police will find you." a female voice said through the intercom. "You think you're better than everyone else, is that it?" "Pittsburgh Bay Point Now Approaching," you, the amazing robot subway voice said, coming to the rescue. I hopped inside the warm body of the subway train. Your robot voice is much nicer than those more human-sounding voices, and I think that might be because you are not a person. If that is the case –
Oh well, date me anyway.
A faithful listener