It wasn't easy for Felicity to wake up in the morning. Her head would pound and her eyelids would always feel heavy, as if she always had a hangover. Plus, there was nothing to wake up to. Sleeping and being awake were always on equal levels. That darkness always engulfed her. Everything looked the same and everything felt similar. According to other people, senses to them were heightened if one of them didn't work. For her, that wasn't true. Being blind, wasn't anything special, it was just a dark reality that not only went through her bright green eyes, but her whole body as well. In other words, Felicity would never really wake up.
However, she never needed a guide to help her get through the day. She felt her away around her environment as if she could see. Her hands were quick, along with her feet. If someone first met her, they wouldn't realize she was blind, until she had her sunglasses on and even then they sometimes didn't notice until she had to tell them. That was the worse part, she thought, until she had to let them know. At first she would get that feeling. It was the worst thing in the world. It was almost as if she died immediately in front of them, or disappeared. She would rather be invisible at times, instead of having to deal with the reactions.
So this morning wasn't any different then any other mornings, except for the fact that she was going to play the piano in front of hundreds of people at noon. She walked around her hot bedroom in Florida, with a calm demeanor, instead of the expected nervousness she used to get. She walked over to her large wooden oak dresser in the right corner and pulled out her white frilly dress. Felicity hated wearing it, but if she didn't then she would have to hear the screams from her mother. She could already imagine the high shrill her mother's voice would become, did become.
"Wear it Felicity! Do not look improper! Let me brush your hair. You don't know how to do it correctly. And stand up straight, don't slouch your shoulders!" Luckily, she wasn't up yet. She had gotten up earlier before her mother and maybe just maybe, she could call a taxi and leave Mrs. Deering behind. It was that simple and she had done it once before. It was a challenge though, to get away with it again.
Felicity went over to her laptop on the small plastic chair near the slightly taller nightstand by her bed, in the left corner of the white washed room, and played some quiet music while she took the brush and did her hair. Her hair, if she remembered correctly, was a deep red and always trickled in straight waves down her back. It always felt like silk to her every time she touched it and sometimes she wished she could really look at it, just to make sure it was really a part of her. Felicity's body was thin, with small curves that only started to develop when she turned seventeen last year, along with little brown freckles that she was told she had, crisscrossing along her little nose.
Suddenly, she thought she heard her mother's footsteps in the next room over. Panic went through her quickly. She practically ran back over to her laptop to shut the music off and then left the room with her little blue bag that was easily accessible near the door. Felicity walked straight down the small hallway and into the little kitchen and connecting living room. The black door was by the couch and near the smooth glass coffee table. She turned the brass doorknob and opened it with relief as she stepped out onto the porch.
A wave of heat overwhelmed her body and she started to break out into a small usual sweat as a reaction. Without moving from the doorstep, she took her silver cell phone out and called a taxi. When would they get here? She asked the man on the other line. Fifteen minutes. That wasn't enough. She would be caught in less time then that.
As soon as she hung up, with disappointment and rejection, she heard her mother inside the house calling her. "Felicity! Where the hell are you? We only have five minutes before we have to go!" She swallowed, feeling the heavy lump in her throat. Instead of answering her mother, she reluctantly opened the door back up and went inside. It was so close. So damn close.
"There you are. Why were you outside? Don't you understand that we're going to be late? Let me look at you." Mrs. Deering had walked over to her daughter and had grabbed Felicity's thin shoulders to turn her around in circles, as if she were spinning a little doll. Her daughter had no concept of time and that was a fact. How was Felicity going to survive in college in a couple of weeks, without her? That music scholarship was only going to take the girl so far. Especially with her condition. Then there was that other thing, but no, Mrs. Deering wouldn't think about that.
"You look good enough for now, so let's go." Felicity swallowed for the second time, hating her mother. If she could scream she would. If she could fight back she would, but really would any of that make a difference? She was still the blind daughter and her mother was able to see. She remembered a little of what her mother looked like from when she was around two, before she became blind. Or so she thought she did. Mrs. Deering had matching red hair, but short, with underlining curls. Her face was thin and bony and she was slightly taller then Felicity, with a figure that was flat and almost unrealistic. Her blue eyes arched slightly under her eyebrows, making her look like a witch. Yes, that was the word; she could picture her mother looking like an evil woman that captured innocent people.
In the end, her thoughts didn't count though. Felicity followed her mother's footsteps out the door again and into the car that was in between the broken fence and the front lawn. Luckily, the entertainment hall wasn't very far, so she didn't have to listen to her mother talking for that long. Mrs. Deering could talk to her all day and all night if Felicity stayed around her for a while. Sometimes, when she wasn't putting her daughter down, she actually spoke about interesting things, like a book she read or a new recipe that she found earlier that day. That was very rare of course.
"We're here. Now Felicity, don't listen to the audience. Just remember your timing. If you get off, which I know happens all the time, just try to focus on your fingers. It's not that hard. And remember, some of the representatives from the college are coming again, just to make sure you're still on track. Don't let them down, or else. So let's go in."
Before she could take off her seat belt, Mrs. Deering had opened the door for her and grabbed Felicity out of the car. Anger pulsed behind her hand as her mother held it. "I can walk," she said evenly. She had to at least say one thing, especially under these circumstances.
"Of course you can walk. But since you haven't memorized this place, we don't want you to walk into anything." It wasn't all about memorization she wanted to say. It was once again about feeling with her hands and feet. Along with listening, but Felicity didn't like to listen in general. That sense bothered her, because people were too loud and too angry.
Soon enough, they got behind stage. "This is it," her mother whispered. "Don't screw up. The piano is straight ahead. You remember, we came here once before a couple of days ago. There's a girl that's playing now and I'm pretty sure you're up next. Just wait until the director calls your name. I'm going now to sit in the audience, but as soon as you're done, wait for me backstage and I'll come up right away. Got it?"
Yes she got it. She wasn't a baby. In response though, she nodded her head. Instead of whispering her good luck, or kissing her on the head like a normal mother, Mrs. Deering walked away with quick rushed steps off the stage and into the audience. It was good though, because now she had temporary relief. She took a deep breath and waited for her name to be called.
"Felicity Deering is next everybody! She will be playing her own original song, called the Night Hunter!" She heard the audience clap and she knew that was her cue. She walked quietly onto the stage and felt the heat of the head light upon her. As she sat down on the dark wooden bench beside the piano, which was in the exact middle, and slightly ten big steps away from the front of the stage, she felt that calm feeling come back. This, was something she knew how to do and if she wanted to be, she could be perfect at.
Felicity counted the keys that she felt underneath her fingers until she knew she was in the right place. Then, she began. The music from the piano seemed to flow over her and through her like cool water from a waterfall. High notes and low notes were singing and echoing with triumph through the theatre from the instrument. No, she wouldn't mess up. Not with her own handwritten song that she had to create for her portfolio. It had taken her months to make it exactly how she wanted it. Playing the piano made up for everything, she thought, and the best part was that she could lose herself in each and every note.
The song was done too quickly. If she had to choose, she would have kept playing and playing until her fingers were sore, but the audience was already clapping. Felicity stood up from the bench and took a small bow, until the audience died down a little bit. She then walked back, her head slightly hung low, and her feet dragging. Her mother wouldn't say anything good about her performance. Why would she? Nothing was ever good enough for Mrs. Deering and Felicity had stopped trying to prove herself worthy of her mother a long time ago.
"All right, let's go back before it gets too late. At least you didn't mess up." She felt her mother grab her hand again and suddenly her anger was back. This time though, it was building, like a fire that roared, waiting to be let out. As she followed Mrs. Deering back to their car, the heat inside of her just increased, her body even started to shake. Her mother felt it and stopped suddenly.
"What's wrong with you? Why are you shaking like that?" Why was she shaking? First of all, she usually never got this angry. Second of all, even when she did get mad at her mother, her body never had this reaction. At the same moment, it was the first time she really heard worry course through her mother's voice, instead of frustration.
"I uh, feel sick," she said quietly. It was slightly true, because the feelings were so overwhelming all of a sudden. She wanted to, well, it sounded silly, but she wanted to do damage to something. If she could see anything at the moment, she would run as fast as she could away from the car and away from Mrs. Deering. She could picture it, the adrenaline pumping through her veins and her body moving at fast as lightning around palm trees.
"You look it. And I'm sure you're burning up as well. See what did I tell you? It's a good thing you didn't have this kind of reaction when you were playing. Let's get you home." She practically pushed Felicity into the car and shut the door. As soon as her mother started to drive, the burning fire seemed to suddenly disappear as quickly as it had come. However, more then anything, for some apparent reason, she wished for that shaking to come back.