The world cycles silently, everyone a blur but me. I sit here and I play a part of someone with a human heart. But mines a life that goes unlived- if I had heart, I'd try to give my brain and lungs and blood and bone to someone who won't sit alone and squander it with nothingness and eat and sleep and bitch and piss. I'm pissing all my life away, and though I know it's not okay, I'll never change. And let's be blunt, that makes me an ungrateful cunt.

And am I sick? Maybe I'm fine and tricked the tests by saying lines that felt real at the fucking time but subconsciously were a crime to everyone Im s'posed to love who handle me with kiddie gloves because they think it can't be helped that I'm a cunt who fucks herself and takes pills that don't do a thing and hopes I'm not imagining how my symptoms match with the list but maybe I have just insisted this was what it had to be till they decided to agree just 'cause they'd had enough of me.

But I sit here and bitch and moan at people I have never known and criticize their every move as if that is enough to prove I know more than they seem to know but they live life. I barely go outside. Im talking tough and mean while staring at a TV screen and typing out the ways I suck though parts of me don't give a fuck and think I am a drama queen who isn't proud enough to preen but emphasizes everything like my life is worth mentioning.

I wish people could read my mind and document the things they find and tell me what is false and true and what the fuck I'm s'posed to do when my own thoughts cannot agree what this shit is that fucks with me and is it just my genes' mistakes or something that I do to make it go to shit? I'd like this solved and sorry to get you involved but now you are so please explain the thoughts that swirl around my brain. If you're wondering what to do you can reply where you'd review. Any insight is awesome, so please click "review" and go go go!