"What?" I asked.
It felt like my heart was ripping right out of my chest.
"I'm sorry, Taylor." Wilson was crying hysterically. He started getting up to run away from me.
I held onto his shirt to keep him where he was.
"You're breaking up with me?" That question didn't taste right in my mouth.
"I'm so sorry." He said again. He escaped from my grasp and started walking away, his face buried in his hands.
I tried to get up to follow him, but my body felt like it was made of lead. My stomach seemed to weigh fifty pounds. My heart, even more. I felt nauseous, dizzy, short of breath. The love of my life was walking away.
But I refused to let him.
I somehow managed to scramble to my feet and run after him. I felt like I'd been here before, chasing him down after some kind of upsetting scene. It felt like all I'd ever done.
I would not let him do this to me.
I caught up to him and grabbed his hand. He fought and struggled against me, sobbing and saying, "Let me go." But I didn't. I refused to. I had an iron grip on his hand and I wasn't going to release it until he came to his senses.
I literally dragged him back to our spot on the grass. He struggled, trying to run away from me again. He protested constantly, telling me to leave him alone. I forced him to sit back down and I sat across from him. I still held his hand firmly, never letting go. He gave up struggling. I suppose he realized there was no point in trying to run, since I could easily catch up to him.
"Taylor, listen..." He sobbed.
"No." I shouted, "You listen to me."
The sadness and panic and dread that I had felt just a few moments ago was forming into pure anger. How could he think for a second that I would let him get away with this?
He gave in, quieting down and listening patiently to what I had to say.
"You are so stupid." I told him. I know it was harsh, but he deserved it. I continued, "How could you possibly think that breaking up would be good for either of us? How could you think that I would be better off without you? When are you gonna learn that I can't live without you?"
At my words, he cried even harder. I squeezed his hand and scooted closer to him.
"Wilson..." I sighed, "If you're depressed, I can help you! I can be there for you. I want to help. Trust me. Breaking up is not gonna solve any problems. It'll just make us both miserable. I can understand what your intentions are, but this isn't right. Breaking up could never make me happy. And it would make you even more depressed."
His body relaxed a bit, as if he realized my words were true. He nodded. The lead that had previously filled my heart and stomach was going away. I was filled with the warm feeling of recovering from nausea.
"We are not breaking up." I said, almost shouting to get my point across.
He was sobbing so much that his face was covered in tears. "Okay." He cried, "Okay, okay, okay..." He leapt into my arms and settled himself there. He cried against my shoulder and filled my ears with his sobs. It broke my heart all over again.
"You're right." He cried, "You're right... I'm sorry."
I found myself shaking in the aftermath of all that shock. When I woke up today, I had no idea that my day was going to be so emotional. I woke up happy, thinking I was going to spend a fun day with my boyfriend. But in the course of the last twelve hours, he had given us another suicide scare, revealed that he's depressed again, and actually broken up with me. It was so much pain in one day that I felt completely overwhelmed.
Part of me couldn't believe that he had given in so quickly. For a moment I'd assumed that I would have to do some major convincing to get him to stay with me. But he'd caved after just a few moments. It was a relief. But it also showed that he had no idea what he was doing when he broke up with me.
"Are you mad at me?" He asked in a small voice once his sobs had quieted down a bit.
"No." I responded without hesitation, "No way, baby."
And it was the truth. I wasn't mad. Wilson was depressed, and it probably caused him to say and do things that don't make sense. When he broke up with me, he was completely sacrificing himself to make me happy. Although he was wrong, he had very good intentions. He was so selfless. I loved that about him, but it made me worry about his well-being.
We held each other for several minutes, eventually laying back down in the grass with the blanket protecting us from the chilly night air. We didn't speak for a long time and I watched him calm down from his crying fit. I continued to hold his hand, making sure that he didn't feel alone.
I couldn't help but stare at his incredible features. His brown hair was as soft as feathers. His cheekbones were flushed with color. His beautiful blue eyes still twinkled in the aftermath of crying. He was gorgeous. But of course, there was something beyond that. I looked past those blue eyes and saw him. He was just a kid who had seen so much pain in his life. His life wasn't exactly terrible, yet the inner turmoil he felt every day had left such a mark on him. Literally and figuratively. I looked at the scar on his right arm and tried to picture what it must've been like for him to create it. I couldn't even imagine.
I loved him so much. From his trademark laugh to his silky kisses. From his wild and crazy side to his affectionate heart. He was my everything. I loved the way he cared so much about his family. I loved the way he appreciated small things. I loved the way he always put others first.
I remembered back to the night before I realized my sexuality. I'd spent the night at Wilson's house and we had discussed his love for me. I'd asked him what his biggest wish was, and he'd said, "For you to be happy, Taylor." Looking back, I now realized that that was my biggest wish too. I cared so much about Wilson's happiness. Although I wanted to be happy as well, he still came first. He always would.
We'd been best friends since the 2nd grade. He was my first relationship, my first kiss, my first time, my first love. I tried to imagine myself loving someone else and I couldn't. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the boy in my arms.
Wilson was depressed. But we'd get through it. I'd help him. We'd fix this.
Laying in the grass, I kissed his scars. We still didn't speak, but the silence spoke for us and said all the things we couldn't. I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his. It was brief, but it spelled out so many complex things. When I drew away, we gazed into each other's eyes, for several minutes it seemed. Gray into pale blue.
At one point, he closed his eyes.
The love that filled my heart was too much. I had to express it somehow. And I knew what I wanted to say.
"Will you marry me?" I asked in a whisper.
It seemed to take a few seconds for him to register what I said. I watched his eyes slowly open once more to reveal that dazzling blue.
"What?" He asked soundlessly.
I giggled softly, "I mean... not any time soon. Maybe not even for seven or eight years. But someday. Will you?"
He stared at me with surprise etched into his features. His cheeks were red again. Adorable.
"Why... why are you asking me now?" He seemed dazed.
I laughed playfully at his confused face. "I don't know, I just want both of us to know that we're committed to each other. Forever."
I stroked his cheek with my last word.
"Taylor..." He was smiling now, "Are you serious?"
I smiled back and resettled my position so I could look at him more clearly.
"Wilson," I said softly, "I love you more than anything in the whole world. I know you're not entirely happy right now, but we can get through it together. I know that we're gonna be together for a very long time. Most likely for the rest of our lives. I wanna marry you. I wanna spend forever with you."
All my thoughts had just spilled out, and yet I meant every single word of what I said.
Wilson appeared on the verge of tears again, but this time with happiness. It was beautiful.
"Will you marry me?" I asked again.
He laughed. "Yes."
We intertwined our fingers, making a solid promise.
We kept our promise.
A/N: That's it. It's over. But thankfully, you all can look forward to a prequel and a sequel. And I have another slash story idea in mind. So check my profile sometime in the near future or Author Alert me! I really hope you guys enjoyed this one. I poured my heart and soul into every chapter. These two boys are my life. PLEASE don't be afraid to tell me your final thoughts in a review! Especially all you people that have followed the story religiously and yet have never reviewed a chapter! Please tell me what you think! Don't be shy! :]
I'd also just like to thank some people:
Raaawr Ima Dinosaur: For sticking with this story from beginning to end.
Woman-of-the-night: How do I thank you enough? Not only have you stuck with this story from beginning to end, but you seem completely devoted to this story. You give me great feedback, and because of you I know that this story has impacted someone other than just me. It makes me tear up to think that this story inspired you to write your own, and that while you were reading this story you found the courage to come out to your parents. Love you, girl :]
StarryNight359: For sticking with this story from beginning to end.
Catherine Julia Jefferson: For sticking with this story from beginning to end, and for giving me very complex reviews that stated how you actually felt about each chapter.
Kaidyen Nemerah: I don't know if I could put into words how much your reviews meant to me. To hear you quote several meaningful lines from the story, and tell me how much they impacted you...it made me so happy. And thank you also for giving me such fantastic constructive criticism. Because of you, I was really sure to give an editing eye to certain aspects of this story. And because of that, the story was an apparent success. Thank you.
prostock69: For sticking with this story from beginning to end.
JHeartbreak: Your constructive criticism and advice was extremely helpful throughout certain parts of this story. Sometimes, as a writer, it's hard to edit your stories without getting someone else's advice. And you were that advice for me. Thank you.
foreveran: For all your amazing reviews.
Thank you everyone.