Hey! Another monthly update is here.
I've been pretty busy these last few weeks, work and stuff. And I also developed an – rather surprising - Olympics addiction. Terrible, I know.
Anyway, have a good week! And enjoy this chapter :)
The next few days till Sam came back passed pretty fast.
Okay, who am I kidding – they passed so terribly slow.
And in some point I started checking flights to the UK. So very clingy of me, I know! Who would have thought! I mean, I always hated clingy girlfriends, too much drama over nothing. But with Sam I surprised myself and discovered that I also have a clingy side.
And it's so very pathetic.
So I forced myself to take it easy, it helped when I remembered how I felt when a girl went over clingy on me. I really didn't want Sam to feel that way about me.
Maybe it was because we only began our…relationship, so I kind of needed him with me… but no! The stupid giant had to leave for another fucking continent. Well, I comforted myself with knowing that he scheduled that trip before we, hm, worked things out.
Thankfully – for him – he called me every day like a good boy, and we stayed on the phone at least an hour till we had nothing else to say. I know, very lovey-dovey of us, and kind of embarrassing too, but, hm, I guess I didn't care much.
But the poor man, his phone bill is gonna be something.
Other than that I continued with my ordinary life, even if I wasn't exactly cheerful and happy. People at work - of course - noticed my depressed mood, especially Ben, who bugged me for two whole days till I decided to tell him that the reason was my break up with Anna. Then he was horrified, almost putting me on suicide watch, till I told him - well more like yelled at him – to back off. He was a little offended, but I figured he would forgive me because of my…delicate state.
Talking about Anna, well, I was getting over it, slowly.
In the beginning it was weird, when I thought about something good or saw something nice I immediately thought about calling her, till I remembered I couldn't do that anymore. I guess it's one of the effects of losing your best friend along with your girlfriend.
We didn't talk since that fateful meeting. But I guess it's logical, she didn't contact me and I figured that it was best that I leave her to get over it before I tried talking again.
So anyway - It was Sunday afternoon – a day before Sam's return, and I was sitting in my apartment after talking with Sam, it was late there apparently, and he went to sleep.
So I decided to stay home and entertain myself for a while with some old movies.
My plans changed though when my phone suddenly rang, and I saw unfamiliar number on the screen. I figured it was probably wrong number but answered it anyway, 'cause you never really know.
"Oh hm, Jess?" A familiar voice said, but I couldn't pinpoint it.
I answered in a confused tone. "Yeah, who is this?"
"Oh right. This is Eric! Hm, Sam's assistant, how's it going?"
Oh, Eric. Long time since I last saw him, the last time was at Sam's apartment when we…
OH SHIT. I suddenly remembered exactly how we met, he interrupted while Sam and I were…well, busy.
So embarrassing. He probably knows too, about me and Sam…
"Jess?" Eric asked after a minute I didn't answer.
"Oh, hm, yeah…Eric! Long time no see HAHA." I tried to laugh to cover my awkwardness; it didn't really work I think.
"Yeah…well, I got your number from your sister and-"
Big brother woke up. "From my sister?" I asked in a dangerous tone.
"Uhm, yeah…we talk on facebook sometimes, cute girl! Anyway-"
"On facebook?" I stopped him again to verify. I swear to god that if they met each other in secret that man is going to die in a slow painful death...
"Yeah, it's not like I can meet her, she lives pretty far…Anyway, I'm at Sam's studio right now – you remember where it is right?"
After relaxing about the Julie issue, I started being curious about the cause of this all conversation. "Yeah I think. Why?"
"I wanted to talk to you about something, are you free right now? Maybe we can meet here?" He asked politely.
"Hm, sure I'm free…but what you wanna talk about?"
"I prefer to talk face to face, is it okay?"
"Yeah, sure I guess. When do you want me to come over?"
"I'm going to work here for a while, in an hour?"
"Okay, then…bye for now."
"See ya!" He hung up.
And I was still pretty confused.
Seriously, what did he want from me?
I mean, it's pretty obvious it had to do with Sam, but I couldn't figure out exactly what it was. Was he like, trying to test me or something? You know, maybe he wanted to see if I'm good enough for his boss...
Anyway, I figured it was best to just go there and see what the deal is.
But before that I suddenly remembered that hm, thing I wanted to check. I considered for a moment to just postpone it till later, but I realized that I would probably lose my courage till then.
Why did I need courage? Well, that's the embarrassing part…
Lately during my phone talks with Sam it was rather obvious he was expecting a few things to happen in our relationship sometime soon. Physical things.
Now I'm all up for it, oh believe me I do. But it just the technical parts that had me a bit…worried. I even thought about asking someone about it, you know, gay-someone, and well, since the only one I know is Tom I had the foolish idea to try and talk to him about it.
Needless to say that in the end I decided it wasn't the wisest idea. I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth; Tom had to sit beside me for a few minutes listening to my embarrassing attempt, till I decided to end my misery (and his) and told him some other excuse.
So there was only one option left – the internet.
I suddenly went back in time to my embarrassing adolescence days, when I got up in the middle of the night - when no one could catch me - to watch some porn that would explain me the…well, basics. I so didn't count on the talk I had with dad, I seriously don't know who was more embarrassed during that horrible talk. And yeah I mean that talk.
Anyway, so I figured that if it worked for me once it would work again. Hopefully.
But every time I thought about opening my laptop and looking for those hm, sites, my palms got all sweaty and my breath became a little quicker. So up till now I wasn't able to do that.
I truly had no idea why I remembered that thing at that moment, but since my time was running out – Sam coming back – I finally decided to face my demons. And hopefully they won't be too bad.
So after that talk with Eric I quickly went to my bedroom, and since I'm a little paranoid I closed the window and moved the curtains so no light came from outside, and nobody would know what I was up to. And yeah I know it's rather stupid, but it was necessary.
I took my laptop and sat down with it in the middle of my bed. Just staring at it for a few minutes, like it was some kind of an evil object.
I gulped and took a breath as I slowly opened my laptop and opened Google, typed a few appropriate words and got some suspicious answers. Well, suspicious to me at least.
I stared for a moment with wide eyes at the results and tried to find something that didn't sound too intimidating, which was pretty hard since all the results contained words like cock, anal and…well you got my point.
I finally choose one of the sites randomly, and since I'm such a coward I opened the first video I saw.
Which turned out to be a HUGE mistake.
I mean, I was like, in a beginner mode right? Well, let's just say there were way too advanced stuff going on there, and when I say advanced, I mean ADVANCED.
And no, I'm not going to explain myself.
Anyway, after a minute I decided that it might be wiser to find more…simple stuff.
I was still staring at the screen with a totally horrified look while I searched for appropriate tags, but I forced myself to calm down as I opened another video.
Just take deep breaths Jess, everything is gonna be alright.
I managed to settle down a little when the video started okay – unlike the first one - two guys doing some pretty normal stuff.
Kissing, touching, taking off some clothes.
I figured that maybe it wasn't so bad.
My opinion improved even more when one of the guys started blowing the other guy. And that was probably the moment when I realized that I might not be gay just for Sam.
The two guys were pretty hot I guess, one had more dark-latino-like look, the other was more angelic – blond, cute, big eyed. I figured it must have been intentional, you know the whole dark/light thing, they looked good together.
And I found myself getting turned on.
I fixed my position on the bed a little when I felt my dick becoming more and more interested. The blonde dude started to suck even harder on the other guy, and the darker man seemed to enjoy himself, if you judge by his totally intense expression, and lustful moan. I opened my legs a bit more.
Oh shit, I'm most definitely bi.
But just when I started to consider moving my hand inside my pants the scene changed, and I watched with eager – and somewhat worried - expression as one of the guys turned on his stomach with his ass up in the air. And well, I figured this was the moment I waited for.
The darker dude grabbed some kind of lotion – lube! I read about it! – and after smearing some on his fingers he suddenly pushed two fingers inside the other guy.
I mean, it looked like the blonde enjoyed himself in some way, but I couldn't look away from the two – rather thick – fingers moving in and out of the blonde's ass. I found myself feeling a mixture of disgust and excitement. Even though in looked rather painful, something about the entire thing appealed to me in some way…
It's good right?!
But when I just started to feel better about the all idea - the real action began, and I looked with horrified eyes as the darker dude pushed his entire – pretty long - cock into the – really small looking – hole of the blonde guy. And even though I heard the undeniable happy moan the blonde dude made, I uncontrollably closed my laptop screen at once.
Then I sat there for a moment staring at my now closed laptop.
Oh my God.
I totally wasn't ready to see that.
I gulped while my thoughts started to run wild in my mind.
There's no way Sam could go in…there. I haven't seen his cock yet, but judging from his – seriously big – size, I figure it must be rather intimidating length.
Okyokay…what if… I offered him a blowjob whenever he wants! Hand jobs too! It should be enough right?! We don't have to do the all ass thing right?
But wait, do I really want to totally reject the idea, I mean, right now it looks pretty…nasty, but if I did it with Sam, he would be considerate, and gentle and…
Wait! When it was decided that Sam would be the top?! Even if I'm smaller than his impossible size, down there I seriously wasn't lacking in anything! I could be a great top, a really really good one…
But, am I really ready to do that to Sam? What if I screw up?! And hurt him!
Oh fuck. Too many confusing theories!
I stared into my bedroom with lost look while my mind was losing it when I noticed the time.
Fuck! Eric. I only had half an hour left.
I quickly shook my head and forced my thoughts to settle down while I jumped off the bed to change my clothes.
It's not like I have to decide right now.
I'm pretty certain the thoughts would attack me again at night.
35 minutes later I was in the hallway walking to Sam's studio.
But while I was walking I heard some loud voices coming out from there. I walked a little quicker while I tried to understand what the voices were saying. I was pretty certain that one of them was Eric, the other one…well I wasn't quite sure, but it sounded familiar, and I started to realize who it was as I got closer and closer to the door.
Apparently they were pretty caught up in their 'fight' since they didn't even notice when I opened the door quietly. They were standing pretty far from the door so I guess it was kinda logical, but in any case it was better for me since I had the chance to see and hear them for a few minutes before they noticed me.
And about the other person, let's just say my gut-feeling was right.
Standing there waving his hands at Eric was none other than - Jamie.
"I really don't understand why you won't tell me were the fuck is Sam?! I've been calling him for days, and I checked his apartment!" Jamie said angrily to Eric.
Eric answered right back. "Did it cross your mind that maybe Sam doesn't want you to know where he is-"
"Oh, don't start with that! I have every right to know where he is-"
Eric raised an eyebrow at that. "Really? And why is that? You're nothing to him-"
"Shut up! I'm not nothing! I'm his-"
"His what?!" I interrupted when I felt I couldn't stay silent anymore. Seriously that psycho thinking he could mess with Sam again…
No way sir.
Both Eric and Jamie appeared a little startled after hearing my voice and turned around to look at me. Eric looked surprised, Jamie looked pissed.
"And you are?" Jamie asked me with a sneer.
I stood straighter. "I'm Jess."
"He's Sam's…friend." Eric continued explaining my presence.
"Oh right!" It looked like he finally recognized me. "That Anna girl's boyfriend, yeah I remember you." He said before narrowing his eyes. "Don't interfere in this."
I felt my anger rising, who was he to tell me not to interfere?!
"The one who shouldn't interfere is you! Leave Sam alone." I told him with a dangerous voice.
Jamie looked surprised. "Who do you think you are? Stay out of Sam's business honey; you're not more important than me, that's for sure." He appeared smug.
And I was getting seriously pissed off.
"He broke up with you, you pathetic fool!" I yelled back at him.
Eric tried to calm us down. "Alright Jamie, just leave okay? I can't say where Sam is and that's my final word-"
"No! Wait a second; I want to hear what Blondie has to say." Jamie stopped Eric's speech and looked intensely at me. "So I see Sam shared our past with you. You must be rather important…"
I glared at him.
"…Ohh and you look so angry too!" He chuckled a little. "Oh please don't tell me you're in love with him honey!" The bastard started to laugh in earnest.
I saw red.
"I am in love with him! More than that, I'm his boyfriend!" I yelled at him before I even realized it.
And then I felt my eyes widen as I realized what I just said.
I never even admitted to myself that I was in love with Sam; actually it was the first time I even thought about that. And more than that, I just admitted out loud that I was in love with a man!
Oh My God.
And if I was shocked, then you can imagine Jamie's and Eric's reactions. For a moment after my declaration they both just stared at me with their mouths wide open. The first to recover was Eric, he coughed a little and closed his mouth, but he remained silent, probably didn't really know what to say.
Jamie wasn't too far behind, in a flash his expression changed from shocked to furious. "How dare you-"
"It's true Jamie." Eric shut him. "Sam wouldn't like it if you trashed his boyfriend, I think it's better you leave."
Jamie's face started to look red while he looked at Eric and then back at me. "What the hell?! You aren't even gay!" He yelled at me.
"Apparently I am." I answered him seriously.
And I don't know even how it's possible but Jamie's face became even angrier. "I'm not accepting this! You little-"
"That's enough Jamie! I'm serious, get out." Eric interrupted him and stepped forward to put his hand on Jamie's arm. "While Sam is gone I'm responsible for the studio, and I'm telling you to leave." Eric said with a glare, but Jamie's angry eyes didn't leave my face.
Eric tried again. "Jamie-"
"Shut the fuck up! I'm leaving." Jamie hissed at him and shook Eric's hand off, but still he continued glaring at me while he moved towards the door.
Before left he stopped for a moment and looked at me in the eye with a mocking expression. "Don't think I'm done Blondie." He gave me a twisted smile and got out with his head held high.
Eric suddenly sighed and broke the silence. "Well, that was lovely. Want some coffee?" He asked me with a smile.
I only managed to nod at him while I continued staring at the closed door with narrowed eyes.
Btw, I just noticed that the story reached 100 reviews! Thanks for that!