I've got a secret.

Hush, hush.

But I can trust you, cant I? After all, you are my big L: the love of my life, right?


Okay, here's the deal; it's about Jack—you know Jack, my big bro?

Well, when he was a senior last year he had this girlfriend.

No! More than that, she was his big L. The same as you are to me.

Now, all through high school they were together, so the day of graduation my big B popped the big Q to his big L! Romantic, hu?

Well, apparently that bitch didn't thinks so, she laughed in his face and said some pretty hurtful shit. That can really fuck a guy up, you know? What's a man to do?

Well, see a few days went by and Jack was a total wreck. Finally, one morning he locked himself in the bathroom and didn't come out all day, so at night I went in after him. I found him lying there on the floor, between the wall and the toilet and blood was everywhere.

He'd tried to slit his wrists, but the wound wasn't deep enough, in the end, he'd just succeeded in making a big mess.

So, I pulled him up, and dragged him to the sink, and began to clean off his hands… that's when it happened.

We—*I* looked up at him and I just wanted to take away his pain. He was such a wreck, you know?

I wanted to make it better so…I kissed him. I did it for him, from his little brother, with love.

Sweet, right?

No, wait.

There's a bit more.

I don't know how it happened, but after that kiss I just…I couldn't stop!

Maybe it was the way his lips tasted. Like burned out Lucky Strike cigs and the Berry-Burst gum he had chewed to hide his dirty habit. Maybe it was the sheer waves of warmth, radiating off his muscular frame, pulling my senses in deeper.

Whatever it was, suddenly the kiss wasn't for him.

It wasn't for him when I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, when I pressed against him, demanded more with my body, my soul, my entire being.

And don't you try to blame him! It was all me, every bit of it!

Jack, he was so out of it.

It was like his mind had been shattered. He looked like an addict trying to kick the habit cold-turkey; desperate, broken, needing and denying-forcing one to retreat to more primal urges….

That's what he was: primal.

His physical needs were detached from his conscious judgment.

And I took such advantage of that.

His body was so responsive to me, to my sudden need.

He kissed me back, so deep and passionate, like he was starved for love.

Anyone's love.

And his hands were incredible, I moaned like a whore under his fingers as he touched me all over. The lightest caress igniting my pleasure, stoking the growing fire between us, until I couldn't stand it.

It was all so intense, sharp. Yet kind of fuzzy at the same time.

I knew who he was, my big bro, Jack; but that didn't make it seem wrong, in fact it was like our relationship gave me permission, gave me the right to do this for him, to offer him some release.

That's when he did it,

He turned me around by the hips and pressed me hard to the edge of the sink.

I was so eager I undid my own jeans in a second and kicked them off before he was even able to undo his fly. Somewhere in that he found the ability to laugh at me, though it was short lived.

He bent me forward over the little counter and pressed his cock to my virgin ring, so intense I shivered and looked up….

Our eyes met in the mirror right then…. I'll never forget the look on his face, so many torn emotions in just one man.

His big brown eyes showed me a sea of hurt and loss, revealed a ravenous need for attention and love, and through it all I saw his hesitance at what he knew he was about to do to his little brother.

When I saw that I panicked. I didn't want him to second guess himself, to doubt. It risked the desperation I had worked so hard at.

So I watched it all disappear into the most exquisite show of passion when I pushed myself down onto him, going down fast and rough until he was all the way in me and I could hardly breathe for the fullness inside!

I always thought my brother to be gentle at heart, and perhaps normally he is, but not in that moment.

In that diminutive piece of existence there was only his pain and the release my body willingly offered.

He took me hard.

Pounding deep, spreading and stretching me, leaving me with just as much pain as pleasure, until something in him snapped.

He reached up and grabbed a fistful of my hair, jerking my head back and exposing my neck to his teeth as he sawed in and out of my body, shifting deeper with each thrust, sending jolts of electricity throughout me.

I could feel him against me, solid, demanding.

He had me begging for more, even though I felt like it was all too much!

That's when he taught me that special thing… that deep feeling that only a few open minded people know about.

He slammed into me over and over, building up waves of my orgasm until the levies broke and I drowned in an ocean of ecstasy.

I came, my beloved brother's name on my lips.

God, even now, I can feel what he gave me.

But just like it had started, it was over, in this crazy blur.

He came in me just a few moments after, and he was gentle again.

He even allowed me a few moments to recover before pulling out and turning me to face him.

And here was the hard part.

The pleasure had snapped him out of it.

He asked me, "Why?"

…I didn't know what to say then and I still don't know now, really, except for the one truth.

"Because, I love you, brother."