Chapter 1: I Almost Kill a Foreign Lady With My Butt

I stood outside the door of Bath and Body Works. It all started when my dictator like girlfriend Mint Mere asked me to pick up her favorite perfume. Normally I would be like eww no way I don't want to go shopping for you. But in this case I was a little scared to say no. Cause Mint… well you'll soon be to understand my pain and suffering.

I held my breath and walked through the door. People were somewhat staring at me, at least it felt like they were. I decided the best way to do this was to ask one of the worker people where Dark Kiss was. (That was the scent Mint wanted)

I made my way up to a blonde haired girl in an apron. I tapped her shoulder to get her attention.

"Yes?" She asked me. Wow. She was seriously beautiful. She had princess blonde hair and gray eyes that were mysterious. I had to remind myself that I had a girlfriend. One I loved very much.

"My girlfriend asked me to pick up a bottle of Dark Kiss for her." I said trying not to sound stupid.

"Sure, right this way." She said pointing to a shelf filled with tons and tons of perfume.

She walked over to it, and I followed.

"Excuse me." I said trying to get around a foreign lady. She seemed to have not understood me. I had to squeeze really close to the shelves to get through. Ok, they really need sturdier shelves because I barely even pressed against the shelves but all of the bottles of perfume and lotion came plummeting down on me. There was enough force to knock me right on top of the foreign lady and Julia. (I figured out her name from thetiny rectangle on her apron) The bottles burst as they hit the floor. And I probably smelled like a… well I have no idea what I smelled like. My head had bumped the foreign lady and well I think it may never be the same.

"Stupid boy! Stupid boy!" She yelled to me and whacked me with one of those Trader Joe's reusable bags.

"My hip bone!" I screamed without meaning to. I have this horrible hip that pops all the time! It was awful running from my mom's friends son at the bowling alley. I don't even want to think about it. Oh Crap! Julia hadn't said anything! My first thought was did I kill her! I realized I was sitting on her.

"Sorry!' I said to her as I got my butt off her head. She took a step away from me. "Wow that's going to cost you a load." She said to me.

How was I going to explain to my mom that I had to by half of the items in bath and body works? Wait great idea! I can just make Mint's dad pay! He's really rich! Except he really doesn't like me, which sucks cause he is like filthy rich, and then he could by me video games and all the other things I need to survive and live a healthy lifestyle with. I still don't know why. I mean it wasn't my fault I poisoned his tea, or killed his cat- those things just happen sometimes ok!

"You alright?" I asked her after making sure my hip wouldn't need medical attention.

"I'm ok." She said quietly. I learned that day that my butt can be used as an excellent weapon.

"I'm really sorry. I hope I didn't cause any permanent damage! That's happened before. Can you move?"

"Um yes I can move. Thank God you didn't paralyze me! But I'm afraid you might have to pay for the damage." She said. She looked in pain but I was sure I could see laughter in her eyes.

I decided the best thing to do was go straight to Papa Mere. Hopefully he was in one of his good moods. That's when another super idea hit me. What's my motto? Oh yeah when in doubt say Obama! I should give him that Obama book I saw in Barnes and Noble! Neil you are a genius! Also devilishly hot.

After purchasing the book I made my way over to the Mere Mansion. It's not actually a mansion, but compared to my mom's apartment it pretty much was.

I rang their doorbell. It was the sound of Mint's dead cat Mr. Loveymuffaloo's meow. It kind of brought back another painful memory of why Mr. Mere doesn't like me. It was a natural instinct to throw the cat! You would've done it too if it was clawing at your face! Maybe I shouldn't have told you I killed the cat… Now you're going to think I'm an animal killer! Erase those last couple sentences from your memory please.

"Yes? How may I help you Mr. Finch?" Said George. George is the Mere's butler who I think really likes me. He always says hello unlike Mrs. Mere, she just ignores me all together. Mint hates her step mom Rebecca. I don't understand why though. She gave me 'special' cookies once. I don't know why she called them special? I just remember passing out after eating them.

"I'm here to see Mr. Mere." I said trying to sound sophisticated.

"May I ask why you smell so foul?"

"Yes you may ask." I told him.

He shook his head. "Why do I even try?" He mumbled to himself and then let me in.

The 'mansion' was really high class looking. It was billionaire's heaven with 3 swimming pools and a tennis court in the basement even though no one in the family plays tennis!

George led me into Mr. Mere's office. I noticed he added a new sign to the door. It read; Stay Out Neil Finch. I wondered if this was another Neil Finch or if that was how much he really hated me.

"Yes Neil?" He said with a tone of aggravation in his voice. As I came closer his nose crinkled up in disgust from the smell of me.

"Going for a more feminine smell Neil?" Mr. Mere asked me.

"Um no sir, But that's exactly why I came to talk to you." I said. Mr. Mere is extremely intimidating. Keep that in mind if you ever start dating Mint. Remember that a good impression counts.

"Are you suggesting you want me to become more feminine?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

"Of course not sir! But actually it's quite the funny story-"

"You know I don't appreciate humor Finch." He said cutting me off.

I decided to pretend I didn't hear that, "Well I went to pick up perfume for Mint like I told her I would. And well um, the place kind of got destroyed by me and I was wondering if you could pay for the damage." I said quickly.

"Our you out of you pea sized mind! Of course I will not pay for your sheer stupidity and now out with you!'

Well that was a great move.

I then had to go back to Bath and Body Works and explain to them that I didn't have the money.

"Well Neil, there is another way. You could work here and all the money you make goes to the damage." The manager Lauren told me.

One look at Julia and well yeah I was in.

"Sounds good." I said not realizing what I was getting myself into.

Was it good? i wrote this story along time ago and then altered it to fanfiction Percy Jackson and the olympians style and then thought why not put it up on fiction press? so i made an account for this!

Thanks for reading!

i will not update unless i get 3 reviews!