Dedicated to Lizzy for being the best fake wife I've ever had.

She looks at me
With those big brown eyes
And comes out
With the most obscene things
I have ever heard.
Which I find doubly amusing
When introducing this vixen
Hidden under a guise
Of naïve, innocent maiden –
But then of course
She opens her mouth
And spoils that image.

At times it's unfathomable
How such an angelic face
Can quite calmly and sweetly
Let loose such innuendo.
Her case is further hindered
By the fact that she possess
A penchant for swearing
That would put any sailor
To shame.

Of course, she has her drawbacks
One such, for instance:
She's raises some questions
That make me rather squeamish.
Or rather, make me wonder
Just how to answer
Without appearing
Two-tenths of her level.

Because I, unlike her,
Can't ruin this angelic face.
I, after all, have a different reputation.
But in the end,
I don't mind
The compromising positions
She seems to favour
When leaving me behind.
It adds a little spark
To an otherwise… incident free life.

And that far outweighs
Any conceivable drawbacks –
She will always be worth
Every questioning glance.
So, I will amusedly
Watch on the not quite side-line
As she shocks those around me
With the downright obscene.
If for no other reason
Than she adds a little colour
To this drab, fickle place
I've found myself in.

She says that sometimes,
When I look at her,
Big, blues eyes
Surrounded by fluttering lashes
I say the most obscene things
With the straightest face.
But then she just laughs
And claims all the credit –
Saying she's rubbing off on me
(In more ways than one).

It's in those moments
I can see how we function,
How we somehow managed
To keep this charade alive.
So, regardless of the looks
We always seem to garner
I'll widen these blue eyes
And sweetly play along.
If only because sometimes…
Well, "sometimes," she says,
I make her so proud.