Formatting inspired by "Beginning, End" by Jessica Soffer and "Here We Aren't, So Quickly" by Jonathan Safran Foer.

In My Eyes

You got here first. I tagged along a few years later. I was always the baby girl. Mom pampered me. Dad loved you more. We were so happy.

We ran in the yard. I was an airplane. You were a rocket ship. I broke your robot. You fixed my lamp. I threw temper tantrums. You slammed doors. You walked me to school. I bragged about you. You brought me dandelion puffs and told me to wish. I believed in magic. You believed in me. I worshiped you.

You met him. You held hands. You taped his picture to your wall. You brought him home. Mom pursed her lips and Dad did all the talking. I saw you get your first kiss on our front porch in the starlight. I gave you a thumbs-up and pretended to gag.

You always forgot your lunch. I'd take it and have doubles. Once I brought it to you at school. You were surprised. You told me to leave. I was confused. Some boys pointed at you. They called you a fag. They spat at you. I cried. You took me home. I hugged you. You taught me to use my middle finger if it happened again.

You spent more time with him. He got a black eye. He stopped holding your hand. He stopped kissing you goodnight. He said you weren't worth it. We used his picture for a dartboard.

You joined the basketball team. You bought new shirts. I started shaving my legs. You stopped singing in the shower. My razors were never where I left them. You were too quiet. You started staying out late. You made new friends. You kissed a girl. Mom smiled more.

I brought home a boy. You stopped speaking to me. You stopped speaking to everyone. Your showers got longer. I worried about you. Dad told me I was overreacting. I did homework.

You didn't come out of the shower. I had to brush my teeth. I banged on the door. You made a noise. I picked the lock the way you'd taught me.

Your skin was so pale. Your blood was so red. I threw out all my razors.

No one talked about it. You switched schools. I had nightmares. You had a therapist. I got straight A's. You graduated high school. I gave you a dandelion puff and told you to wish. You cried in front of me for the first time.

You left for college. I missed you like hell. You were still hated. You were still loved. My boyfriend dumped me and I didn't tell you. You met Anton and you didn't tell me. We learned to laugh at our oversensitivity.

You discovered that you liked machines more than people. I wasn't surprised. Anton liked numbers. You spent the summers with him. I visited. You fixed cars. He handled the money. I told him that if he hurt you I'd break his face. He laughed and said that if he was stupid enough to hurt his hot mechanic boyfriend, I should break his face.

You asked Anton to marry you. I was your Best Maid of Honor. Mom left the wedding early. Dad apologized for her. Anton's parents didn't show at all.

You and your husband moved away. We fell in and out of touch. I decided to become a doctor. You said I'd be the best. I started dating again. I couldn't trust anyone not to break my heart as much as I trusted Anton not to break yours. I got to thinking you were the lucky ones. You both had to fight so hard. I had it easy. Easy come, easy go. I wasn't ready to fight for anyone, and no one was ready to fight for me.

Dad got sick. I had midterm exams. You came home. Mom let you hold her. Anton helped with the funeral arrangements. Mom shook his hand and said he was a keeper. I almost forgave her.

I started my internship. I hated the paperwork. I wanted to make miracles. I lived off vending machine snacks. I saw people die. I rejected advances. I was too busy to be lonely. I saved a life. You weren't surprised.