Do you know what it's like to support all of the weight of a teenager? Some of them even fart! I have to smell that horrid order all day while you and your 'little' friends run off to the next poor soul that has to deal with your weight and your dreadful stench.
Does anyone care for a chair? No? I thought so. You should all appreciate all of the work that I do. I hold you up when you're drifting off to sleep when a teacher is droning on about how Columbus discovered the Americas. You think that you're the only one suffering through the lecture? I have to listen to it FIVE times! Five times, do you know how boring that is? It's not like I could walk away from the classroom and be free or anything. I have to stay there all day and all night, like a slave to the school board.
Some people even stand on me! That's right; they stand on me when they need to reach for something that's on the highest shelf or when they need to fix the stupid clock that's never on the right time! I mean c'mon people, can't you all just get a ladder to help you with your shortness! I'm not the extra boost that you need to help you beat your friends to see who's taller. I'm just the thing that you all sit on and misuse!
Talking about misuse, a kid stuck gum on me! That's right, gum. Do you know how long it takes to get that sticky stuff off? Do you know how many therapy sessions I take for this kind of neglect? There is a trashcan right there, right next to you so you can throw your stupid piece of gum in the trash and not on me! I'm not your trashcan, I'M YOUR CHAIR! Are you all too lazy to just get up and throw your gum away?
And another thing, STOP DRAWING ON ME! I don't want the initials of your boyfriend or girlfriend tattooed on me with Sharpie! I don't care that Sally's lover is Billy Bob Joe. You two aren't a perfect match to begin with! Billy cheats on you Sally, he CHEATS! If you don't believe me then look it up on my back! It says, Billy Bob Joe Hearts Cindy.
So what I'm getting at is, I just want to be treated with respect and love. I want a holiday just for me, so I can have a break from all of your butts. Maybe a day where you'll all be the chairs and we chairs can all sit on you, and see how you like it. Maybe then you'll have respect for what we chairs do for a living?
Wow, my therapist was right, talking about it does help. Maybe I should do this more often. Thanks kid, you're all right for a human. I should probably untie you now.