i behave myself always, even when the
other children talk to each other over the teacher.
must follow rules. i turn in my homework and
make straight a's and read all the time.
and i am oh-so careful to remain invisible,
because i do not want to be noticed. i do not
want the teacher to call home for any reason,
because maybe my father will answer and she
will speak to Him about me and He will remember
that i exist.
i do not want Him to see me - i want to hide,
small and quiet and absent so that He will never
find a reason to hate me again.
(cover your eyes, cover your ears. if you can't see it, it can't see you.)
but today i am not lucky,
(i am not ever lucky.) He
enters loudly, swearing at me,
shouting, shouting, SHOUTING!
that i am a useless idiot and
Look What I Did Wrong Now.
but i don't understand, i don't understand,
i didn't do this, i didn't, i swear i didn't,
it wasn't wasn't wasn't me, daddy, please,
it wasn't me oh god, why why? why do i
(i was so good, daddy, i did so good)