One of the things that attracted me to Beau was how damn confident he was. He can always take control of anything he wanted.

Whenever we had an interview he could just grab the microphone and say whatever the fuck he wanted to. Sometimes it was sodding annoying-a cocky bastard he is.

He'd always joke about things and I mean we all did but with Beau it was different.

He could make anything into a joke and sometimes he would be so damn serious about his jokes that people would believe it.

That definitely pissed me off-but somehow it was a definite turn on too.

I remember the first time Beau initiated something remotely sexual with me.

"Ladies and gentlemen, 10-sixty-six!" Beau's voice is a bit raspy and pauses between sixty and six.

It's the middle of winter and somehow he's still sweating and shirtless. Of course the sight of his bare chest isn't entirely a bothersome thing.

I'm wearing an oversized 'Berkeley' crewneck sweater we just purchased from a store there. We were just down in SoCal where it was warmer than here.

Beau thought I was whining too much so he bought me this sweater.

"So before we play our last song I'll talk to you all a bit," I can tell Beau's smiling even if I can't see his face, "Let's stay out in this lovely weather for a while longer yeah? Gotta make sure that January freezes her ass off."

We're getting close to ten months since I've joined.

"We all were strolling around Berkeley and grabbed a bite to eat. January was moaning about the weather-which is a first since she's usually too busy moaning while she's under some idiot," He chuckles and I glare daggers at the back of his head, "But besides that she was wearing this skimpy dress as usual and the five of us were waiting for our food at this great thai place. Being the sweet guy I am I get up, walk to the nearest store that doesn't smell like weed and buy her the exact sweater she's currently dawning."

The whole crowd awws at this like he's some angel. I snort and roll my eyes. It was nice but not that nice.

"Oh he's not a saint." I say into the mic.

"That's not what you said when I gave it to you love."

"That's what she said," Johnny chimes in.

"That was so two years ago Johnny." Quentin adds.

"Not important you sodding idiots. The point is that January doesn't appreciate me."

I roll my eyes, "I said thank you so stop trying to milk this."

"Here let's take a vote. Who thinks that January should do something to show me how much she appreciates the brilliant sweater I got her?"

A lot of the crowd makes some noise and I can see a lot of hands raise.

"And who thinks that I'm just being a jerk-but still après that she should do something to show me much she appreciates me?"

Even more noise.

Beau looks back at me, "And the people have spoken!"

I remember being pissed off at him and I remember avoiding him because I definitely didn't want to speak to him. We were barely even accepting of each other's presence at the time.

"Oi stop being so pissy Jan," Beau swaggers on into the bus right as I walk out of the back.

"Stop trying to come off as some sort of saint."

"If I recall correctly you jumped into my arms, called me a saint and put the sweater on."

"Well at this point I wish I hadn't. It only made your huge ego even larger." I cross my arms.

He rolls his eyes, "Well maybe if you covered up every now and again then you wouldn't be so damn cold."

"God you're so difficult," I throw my arms in the air, "Fine!"

I fumble around strip the sweater off as fast as I can and shove it in his arms.

"What are you doing?" He narrows his eyes.

"I gave the damn thing back okay?"

Beau sighs, "I'm not trying to guilt you Jan. I'm glad you like it." He looks me dead in the eyes but I look away glancing at the ground.

Beau tosses the sweater aside and puts his hands on my waist, "I've been hostile towards you-it's just hard to adjust…"

I make a pained face, of course he's not trying to make me guilt and yet I do feel it.

"Adjust?"

"I'm not going to be super nice to you or anything, but I'm not going to be making your life hell. You're here to stay and I've accepted that."

"Aren't you sweet…"

"Naturally," He smirks and the bridge of his nose is pressed to mine. Against my better judgment I kiss him.

Although it wasn't the first time we kissed it was definitely the first time I wanted to jump his bones. We were on the couch; his hands were all over me and both half naked. He was sort of seeing this bird from the first stop on the tour.

Except I didn't feel bad about what we were doing-hell he could've been married and I wouldn't have cared.

After a long rough session of making out and feeling up his phone or my phone buzzed-it didn't matter and we both fell off the couch. I was straddling the boy and he was definitely down to fuck. Admittedly I was too.

"I think we should go," I bite my lip and Beau pushes himself so he's supported on his forearms.

"Yeah…" He grabs my hair and lures my face to his.

The sexual tension could eat me alive.

Gently and slowly he gives me a kiss and then another. Compared to earlier the kisses are feather light. Sometimes I question if he really kissed me or if it was a ghost kiss.

And then before we knew it we were fully clothed and off the bus. No intercourse to be had.

"Your hair's a ruddy mess." Beau puts a hand on top of my head.

Obviously it's all knotted because you were mauling me back there…

"It's your damn fault." I swat his hand away.

"And your point is?"

I look up at him and glare. His hair looks like he just got laid. It's a pretty damn sexy look.

"It's not like you're hair's any better."

"I never said your hair isn't attractive. I'm only informing you that it looks like you've been royally fucked."

"Calling yourself a king now?" I snort.

"Didn't think of that, but if you insist." Beau slaps my ass when a couple members of another band come towards us.

"You two been shagging?" One of them chuckles sending us a smile.

"He wishes," I deadpan.

Hop off the stool and head upstairs to check on Max.

It's dreadfully weird to think that I have a son. I mean I knew I've always had one, but for him to be here? Unreal.

He's the most adorable-beautiful thing to exist. I'm certain that he'll end up a charmer like his father.

For some reason though I'm not in as much shock as I feel I should be. I'm just more confused than anything.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

"Do about what?"

I turn my head and find Beau right behind me. Guess I said that out loud…

"About this mess you've dragged me in." I glare at him.

Beau leads me out of Max's room and lightly shuts the door so our sleeping son won't wake.

"January," he rubs my arm and looks at me so damn lovingly.

"I told Tom about this-well now Max. I told him that we're still married and that I need to take some time away…he's okay with it even when I said you'll definitely try to win me over."

"Nice guy," He touches my face, "Nice and awfully confident that you 'love' him." He puts air quotes around the word love and I roll my eyes.

"How do you know I don't love him?"

"Because I know for a fact that he doesn't make you feel the way I do."

I bite the inside of my mouth because it's true. Have you ever thought that even though you're in love with someone and they love you-you're just not meant to be with each other?

Beau smirks, "I knew it."

I angrily poke his chest, "Stop being a smug bastard."

"But honey I'm always a smug bastard," He smiles at me, "Look I commemorate Tom, I really do, if I were him I'd be rabid and-"

"What fly over and claim me as your own? Actually Beau I've been going on my life for five years without a single visit from you."

"Jan it's not like that-we've already been through this."

"And I know that-I'm just restating something." I give him a cold look and I can see a slight pain in his eyes.

He grinds his teeth together for a moment, "You should call the guys. They're worried about you."

"Over my dead body." I walk away down the hall.

"Jan, they're deeply sorry."

"Bullshit."

Beau chuckles, "Okay maybe not. But they do love you-they just had to keep it a secret. It's not exactly a secret that they could spill."

"Yes they could've! I'm surprised that I'm speaking to you."

"Well I'm persistent and you love me more-"

"Stop," I put a hand on his chest as he runs into me, "You have no right to ask me to do anything."

"Just because I don't doesn't mean that I won't ask. This isn't to help me-I benefit from this in no way-besides that the boys will stop bitching to me. I just know that you hold grudges even when you don't want to."

"Well Beau you better consider yourself lucky that even though I'm currently holding a grudge against you-I'm still speaking to you. So I suggest you drop this if you want that to continue."

He sighs, "Fine-but you're being a stubborn bitch January."

"And do I look like I care?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Never," He chuckles and kisses my cheek, "Want to take a nap with me before I have to head back to the hospital?"

"In your dreams,"

"Only if I'm lucky," He winks.

I scoff and head back to the kitchen.

I'm have half a mind to speak to the boys and ignore Beau instead.

A/n: Seriously I hate cornell notes but me procrastinating is the only reason why I managed to write this…otherwise I'd be too swamped.

Anyway review? And I love suggestions too…

XO