Title: i hate i love

Prompt: You may not realize this, but…

a/n: I didn't know what I was doing with this, but I like the way it turned out. The ending's a bit weak though. Enjoy~

You may not realize this, but I hate roses. I beam when I open the door to your smile and an armful of red and thorns, but the mirth never reaches my eyes. It's not that roses are cliché. I just hate that you don't know that I hate roses.

You may not realize this, but I hate chocolate. I hate opening the box because I know exactly what's inside. I hate the way you politely decline when I offer you a bit, and I hate the way I watch you watch me eat every single bite.

You may not realize this, but I hate jewelry. I hate when my friend fuss over the latest necklace you bought me. I hate how everyone's waiting for you to give me that all-important ring. I hate how everything you give me is expensive and beautiful, yet not at all beautiful as you.

You may not realize this, but I hate your smile. When you smile, the sun comes out and the birds sing. I hate it because you hide behind your smile. Your smile solves all of my problems and prevents me from seeing yours.

You may not realize this, but I hate it when you cry. You don't let me see you cry, so when you break, the situation feels so wrong and foreign and I hate it. It hurts that you don't trust me enough to show me your tears…

You may not realize this, but I hate your friends. I feel like they're judging me. I hate it when you distract me with a task so you can talk to them. What do you talk about and why can't I listen in?

You may not realize this, but I hate your clothes. They're old and wrinkles and baggy and ugly. I hate how they are ordinary. I hate how they make you blend into the crowd like you're just another person. Because you're not.

You may not realize this, but I hate when you dress up. You're obviously not comfortable, not happy, not yourself. I hate how you dress exactly how I want you to dress on our dates. You're only trying to impress me, and I hate how you don't understand that I'm already impressed by you.

You may not realize this, but I hate when you talk to other girls. You're not flirting and I know you're not cheating, but I can't help but be jealous and self-conscious. I can't help but wonder if you wish I was like her.

You may not realize this, but I hate when you talk to me. It makes me feel like you're focusing on me on purpose and do you feel pressured to stay by me or do you know that I'm jealous when you share your wonderfulness with everyone else?

You may not realize this, but I hate when we fight. You disagree with me and I'm so frightened because I'm the bad guy, you're probably right, are we really this different, and what if we never make up?

You may not realize this, but I hate when you apologize, I hate that I couldn't say that simple word first. I hate that I was wrong. I hate that you're apologizing so you can keep me, but I'm too scared to do the same for you.

You may not realize this, but I hate when we agree. I can't bring myself to believe in you. I keep thinking that you're only agreeing because of me, that you feel suffocated, that I'm over-bearing and a control freak… I hate that I doubt you.

You may not realize this, but you cause me more anguish than anything else in the world. I analyze your every gesture for a hint of disgust or discomfort, only to come up empty-handed. I think everything you say is a lie even though the lies hurt me more. I can't find any reason you put up with me.

You may not realize this, but you mean more to me than the world. I hate roses and chocolate and jewelry because you could give the same to anyone else. I hate your smile and your tears because they remind me of everything you hide from me. I hate your friends because every second you spend with them is a second away from me. I hate your clothes because they hide your beauty. I hate everyone you talk to because I've never been this scared before. I hate fights because I don't deserve you. I hate pain because love wasn't supposed to hurt this much. But if loving you hurts me, then I guess I'll have to keep on hurting.