Quite Possibly an Author's Note Tied With a Premonition of Mayhem

Creepy Noise: *is creepy*

Ty: Did you hear that?

Emy: What day is it?

Ty: How is that relevant?

Emy: Is it near Halloween?

Thal: Where are the weapons?

Ty: Why don't I know what's going on?

Zena: When do you ever know what's going on? (1)

1. Excerpt from Lina's Journal:

Friday, Not MY Fucking Problem

Dude, I swear. WHAT a whiner (1) It wasn't even that cold! (4)

And FUCK YOU ROE! (5)

1.

Everyone: *is deposited in an ungraceful heap on the ground, except for Lina, who landed easily on her feet next to the smoking portal, and Roe*

Emy: Where ARE we? This isn't a giant magical jacuzzi.

Thal: *stares at bleak rocks around everyone in the deep canyon* . . . No.

Zena: WTF? HOW are we going to get out of here? Lina, fire up the portal! Take us closer to our destination!

Lina: BITCH! My portal is fucking SMOKING, and you want me to destroy what little power it has left to fail to bring us a little closer? NO!

Roe: *jumps down in the middle of everyone from where she'd been crouching unnoticed on top of a tall pile of rocks* (2) We couldn't go farther than this even if we wanted to. This is an epic quest, not a luxury cruise (3)

Zena: This is Ty's quest, isn't it? So let him go on an epic quest, let's go straight to Them!

Ty: *picks himself up off the ground, where he has been curled in the fetal position on his face* Leave me out of this crap.

Zena: EXACTLY! Leaving him OUT!

Ty: I MEAN FUCKING HELP ME OR I STAB YOU HO!

Lina: I already tried to help you bitches, you couldn't IMAGINE how hard it would have been if we went the long way *grumbles and slinks off to a corner, where she tinkers with something that makes a strange whirring noise every now and then*

Roe: *shudders* Ahhh, the first time was so terrible.

Emy, Zena, Roe, and Thal: *begin planning out how to escape the Pit of Despair*

Ty: *looks around* This isn't hard at all! *walks toward walls and begins to climb*

Walls: *kicks Ty in the face* GET the fuck off!

Ty: *falls to the ground, mangling his limbs* Owwww.

Thal: *laughs hysterically* Now we know what NOT to do.

Ty: I bet that was the first thing you were going to try!

Thal: *hides plans to climb cliff* Pshhh, no.

Emy: I give up! It's a pile of shit! Crappy, hopeless, shitty, damncrapdamn!

Zena: Let's just watch Ty figure it out, it's more amusing anyway!

Roe: *watches from above, not commenting on stupidity*

Ty: FUCK YOU! I WOULDN'T TAKE YOUR HELP IF YOU OFFERED IT! IT'D BE LOSERISH AND UNHELPFUL ANYWAY!

Lina: . . . Would this be a good time to mention I have a flying carpet?

Ty: Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

Emy: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU NOT TELL US THAT?

Lina: Because I just finished!

Thal: . . . What the HELL did you make it out of?

Lina: Loose pieces of the portal, some leftover pieces of the gum and toaster-

Zena: *eyes giant portal* There were LEFTOVERS?

Lina: *glares* Distilled awesome from Roe, and a bit of Thal's hair.

Emy: Oh, I was wondering what happened to it.

Thal: WTF? *pokes hair* Whaaaaat? Where did it go?

Thal's Hair: Meh.

2. Because she's cool like that.

3.

Emy: I signed up for a luxury cruise.

Lina: STFU BITCH!

4.

Ty: *sniffs, vainly trying to block out the strains of Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss drifting from the floating carpet* IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING, I'M DOING JUST FINE ON MY OWN! *wraps plastic bag more tightly around shoulders* IT'S NOT LIKE I'M DYING OF THE COLD OR ANYTHING!

Thal: *falls off carpet, stumbles around drunkenly before realizing that she is no longer in the air* Beam me up, Scotty!

Jared: Stop calling me that! *beams Thal up*

Ty: How about a blanket? Please?

Jared: *stumbles unsteadily away with Thal*

Ty: Fine! Be like that! Leave me here to rot!

Thal: That's the plan, Pumpernickel! Now, Tiber, let's have an adventure.

Jared: It's still Jared.

5.

Roe: Did you bring the hoodie?

Lina: What? No.

Roe: *puts up hood* I wish you luck.

Lina: Wha-

People: *spill from hills* Shiny, Shiiiiiinneeeeeey, Shineeeehh *converge on Lina's exposed hair, the brightest material in the group*

Roe: They value things by their ability to reflect light. Highly useful guards if you don't want a fight. Oh, and if you have normally colored hair. I believe certain colors of hair act as their currency (6)

Shinehians: *attempt to tug Lina' hair*

Lina: *beats off with stick*

Ty: I don't suppose anyone cares how my night was? *attempts a pout that makes even the Shinehians back of for a moment in disgust*

Emy: Not really, no.

6. Somewhere in the world of the Shineeeehians, a single display holds the only strand of hair ever taken from the great Roe. Three more collectors items, hairs belonging to Lina, can fetch quite an extraordinary price. They are passed down as heirlooms of the families to which they belong.