I submitted this story to a different site, and just wanted to get some outside feedback on my story.


He could not remember where he was before, or how he got to this place. All that he knew was that it was dark. He could sense it, but could not see it.

'Why can I not see anything?'

The intense darkness swept over him, blocking his vision like an inky shroud. Since he could not see, he figured he would try to at least raise himself up into a sitting position, but struggled with the task of lifting his limbs. They felt too heavy for his body, and after several failed attempts, he gave up.

As his consciousness grew, he realized he could feel a slight heat rising in his face and a deepening pressure in his chest. It felt like something was preventing him from breathing in. He could not get air into his lungs, so he started to panic. He tried to make a sound, but found himself only releasing short gasps.

'What is wrong with me?'

He needed someone to help him stop the pain before it got worse. He started to hear a faint voice calling from the distance, but could not distinct who or what it was. Once again, he tried to make a noise, hoping that whomever it was that was calling out, could hear him.

Before he could even muster up the air to make a sound, he felt the pressure in his chest increase to a more excruciating level. Now, he could not even gasp for air. The only thing he felt, were the hot tears streaming down to his neck. In his mouth, he could taste a liquid he was faintly familiar with; ichor. It was rising up from his throat, choking him in his failed attempts at breathing. He tried to mentally call out to the unknown voice, but it was of no use. His body had already surrendering to whatever it was that was hurting him, resolving him to listening to the waning sound of his heartbeat, until he lost the strength to even do that.