Standing under the shower,
Cold water rushing through my hair,
Here I am wondering
How I can be both here and there.
Physically, I am cold
But deep in my heart I can feel the pain.
An old film reels through my mind,
You know the one –
Where someone is crying in the rain.
They say the worst time to feel alone
Is when you are in a crowd.
Yet it seems that only now
I want to talk aloud.
Sure, they ask me questions
To which I respond with a smile,
A laugh, or a grin
But when will they look beyond my mask?
When will they see what's going on within?
Don't get me wrong – I do have friends
And they have heard all that I had to say
But even with all the comforting,
I still seem to be stuck this way.
People are always saying that
There is a silver lining to every dark cloud
And a lesson to be learned from each loss,
But my vision is blurred, and
The lesson undecided
Will there be a guiding hand?
Or silent signs that scream out loud?
I look back up at the water,
Endlessly gushing down.
Where's the simple life, I wonder…
The days when I didn't have to think if
The water could swallow me whole
So I could drown…