There must be some reason

Why you did this

Some extreme reason

There has to be


I wake up

Thinking that I hear you

Like you're walking

Into my room

like you used to

But then I remember

That you won't do that

Ever again


This room is filled with you

So many pictures

You look happy

What a giant lie

If you had been happy

In any of these pictures

I wouldn't be here right now

And you would be

Standing next to me

But you're not


I wonder what you would say

If you could see this all now

Would you say anything?

People come in and look

They come to see

The family and grave

Of the girl who

Made her end

Come too fast

They are all spectators

On my grief

It isn't fair


Did you ever once

Consider what this

Would do to us all

Did you ever look

Down at me and say

This will hurt her

In more ways

Than I can count

I bet you didn't

I bet you just thought

Of only yourself

Like you always did

Because everything had to be

About you


What did it feel like?

Did it feel good?

Like some giant weight

Was being lifted

Or were you scared

Did you think of turning back?

Did you think

Of calling someone

And saying that

You tried to kill yourself

Somebody come help

I wish you had called

Then there wouldn't be this mess

And I wouldn't feel

So much pain


Did you know

What mom did after

You were gone

She cried

And cried

And cried

And dad just looked forward

Like there was nothing there

Like I wasn't there

Because of you they lost

Their favorite daughter

You made them proud

In a way that

I never could


What I never will forget

Is the silence

There is only

Quiet

Silence is loud

It fills the spaces

In our house

It chokes me

And strangles me

And it keeps me from

Saying the things

That must be said

Out loud

It is because of you

That this silence

Is here


I tried not to think

Of what

You must have felt

At the time

I thought

For so long that you

Were perfect

The perfect daughter

The perfect student

The perfect girl

What happened to you

That wasn't perfect


People stare

When I walk down

The hallways of our school

They think that

I can't hear what

They say

But I can

They talk about you

And they talk

About me

I heard a girl say once

That I would be next

That killing yourself

Must be contagious

Because I looked

Like a dead girl

Walking

This is all

Your fault


I was always being

Compared to you

From the very beginning

People would look at us

They would see you

And then me

"What a cutie" they would say

When they saw you

"Too bad the other didn't

Get the looks like

This one"

Is what they would say

When they saw me

One day when we got

Our report cards

You came home with all A's

I had three B's

But the rest were A's

Most parents would have said

"Good job honey

You must have worked hard"

But ours didn't

They just said

"Why can't you be more like

Your sister"


Nowadays I can see

That we were more alike

Than I ever thought

We both wanted to

Escape from our lives

You just did it in a

Different way


I thought that

I saw you differently

That I knew the you

That you kept hidden

I guess that I was wrong

In the end I never would

Have expected you

To do what you did


The school gave me a week

Just one week to morn

I wasn't ready

I still woke up in

The middle of the night

Crying

For

You

One week

It just wasn't enough

For me to cope

With you

Never coming back


It's been awhile now

And yet

I still wake up

Thinking that I heard you

Thinking you're still here

Thinking things are okay

I still drown in sorrow

When I remember that

It isn't true

You're still gone

And nothing will

Change

I still get looks

And I still hear whispers

You'd think that

At least one of them

Would forget you

Or at least

The press about you

Would go down

But just as in life

You still are on

Everybody's mind

You just might be

More popular now

Than you ever were

In life


I can remember the day

That you met Nick

He sat in front of us

At a football game

That I didn't want

To go to

He was charming

The kind of guy

That any girl would want

And he went after you

Just like everybody

He saw only you that night

That night

You gave no phone number

Only your name

You said that if

He wanted to find you

He could look in the phone book

And he did

After trying twenty numbers

He found you

Just like everything

You got the perfect boy