i am back again,
i am back again.
knees to the cold floor
(they will be red, bruised,
filthy for the rest of the night)
glasses on the towel rack
hair pushed out of my lying face.
i pray again to a sinful god
the chosen deity of my mother
and myself,
the patron saint of ugly girls.

and so i sacrifice myself, purify my sins, and
sob, guilty of straying,
attempted escape,
both sorry and relieved to have returned.

after i repent, i look in the mirror.
flushed cheeks, hollow, glassy eyes,
streaked eyeliner. i despise her -
no - i despise myself.

(i need a motherfucking cigarette.)