A/N: Brought to you because I obviously have too many plot bunnies breeding in my head. O.O
So this is a slash story. Meaning M/M boy on boy action. It also deals with Suicide and some other sensitive topics. I in no way condone the subject of suicide. Don't do it. There are other options. Talk to a close friend, parent or teacher if you have these thoughts. Talk to someone about how you are feeling. There are people out there that care, even if it doesn't feel like it. So share your thoughts don't act on them.
This will include lemons as in graphic scenes of sexual encounters that is another reason it is rated M
if you have a problem please don't read, or just skip over those parts.
This is a work of fiction, any similarities to individuals either fiction or living is purely coincidental. Please do not copy with out my permission. Thank you and enjoy.
You know how when you are doing something scary like rock climbing or going to the top of a giant skyscraper and someone tells you, don't look down? But you do because, hell, now you couldn't listen to them if you wanted to and just to see why you shouldn't look down.
Someone should have told me not to look down.
I should have listened.
The waves crashed against jagged rock cut away at from windy days and the tides the brought with it. The water was an angry blue and wherever it collided with its self peaks of white erupted like fury.
Beads of water dropped down on me like needles and the storm had all but just begun. I wonder if any one will wonder why I waited till today, I wonder if they'll know it wasn't because of the rain. I wasn't trying to make this poetic or dramatic although I'm sure it will come off that way.
No, I was here for one reason, it was Saturday and I had a car available.
I know weirdest reason ever but I didn't want to take the bus or have someone to drop me off. I didn't want any one to question where I was going or why I was going there.
I didn't choose it because of the rain.
I probably should have left a note, but I didn't want any one to get the dumb idea to come out and stop me. That would be inconvenient.
That's why I didn't take a whole bottle of pills or slit my wrists. That would take too long and someone might save me. I figured if I was going to kill myself, I might as well do it right.
Anyway my point is I shouldn't have looked down. It dawned on me how high up this cliff was and my heart started to beat faster in my chest creating a little drumming noise in my ears.
I gulped. It was a long ways down. Although I'm fairly certain it wouldn't feel that way when I jumped. Gravity was fast and I'd be on the bottom and out in no time. At least that's what I told myself to calm the fuck down.
My careful planning hadn't factored someone actually finding me before I jumped.
"What the hell are you doing?" My best friend screamed at me. His bike was on the ground and his eyes were big. Funny how he was acting, he was always so mellow and indifferent. "Dude you are too close to the edge! You might fall!"
Oh the irony amused me.
"I'm sorry!" I shouted back to him looking at him regretfully.
I took one step back and-
I was right. It didn't feel as long as it looked.
Just so you know, I'm not emo. I'm not goth. I don't hang out with people who are. I was on the football team, not quarter back or captain or anything, but on it. My best friend swam for the school and my girlfriend was a cheerleader. I've never seriously done drugs, just one sad attempt on a puff of a cigarette and I wound up choking on it and never trying again. My life was average, my grades were lingering some where in the middle of B's and C's on a slow decline downwards but I'm sure that would have changed if I wanted it to. My parent's were still together and I wasn't dying of cancer or anything.
Still the only way I could see out was to take that last step, so I did.
It took seconds before my head crashed against the rock and my lungs filled with salt water. My life didn't flash before my eyes either, not even a sad song crept into my mind. For some reason the only thing on my mind was nothing of importance.
Maybe that only happened if you succeeded in dying.
Because I didn't.
I failed and was brought attention to this fact by a low beeping noise next to me.
My head hurt like it had been ripped in two and for all I knew it had. I couldn't move much and I had an overwhelming feeling that I might have been paralyzed. That is until my eyes adjusted to the light and I came to the realization I was just in a couple of casts.
I let my eyes slid shut again and wished myself self back to sleep. Maybe I'd be lucky and get a heart attack as I slept.
When I finally came too again I was annoyed. My luck sucked. Not only had I failed but I would have to deal with the after affects of failing to commit suicide. The broken bones weren't what I was afraid of either.
The sad looks, the psychiatrist, the never being aloud to be alone again for a couple of years, yeah I was afraid of that.
Although I was alone at the moment.
It gave be time to think for a second. I highly doubted I could spin it as an accident. I wasn't good at lying, although that skill had greatly improved over the past month. I was certain my parents would see through the whole, "momentary insanity" plea.
My Dad even had commented on how I had been acting strange lately. Perhaps it was better if I just came out with it. My mind had been dragging on it ever since it happened.
Still, I don't think I could.
Instead I just looked out the window.
It was still raining out. I bet it was still cold. I wondered briefly how long it had been since I jumped. An hour? A day? Maybe a week. I really couldn't be certain. There was no calender around telling me what the day was.
There was remote. If my limbs weren't in casts I probably would have turn the TV on and looked for a news station. But they were so my only source of entertainment was myself.
I realized I was hungry. Great.
I cleared my throat. "Excuse me?" I noticed it had an unusual gravel taste to its tone. "Excuse me!" I said a bit louder and a woman in about her forties popped her head in.
"Oh Mr. Boomer. You are up." I had never had anyone call me Mr. before. It was strange. "You gave us all a scare, we weren't sure if you would wake up." She explained moving more into the room.
She was wearing scrubs and from the lack of stethoscope around her neck I guessed she was a nurse. "Uh, sorry." I whispered quietly.
She gave me my first of what I assumed many sad looks. Her eyes drooping down and the tiniest smile that was probably the heaviest too. "Would you like me to call you parents? We usually wait until morning if a patient wakes up in the middle of the night but, since you are a minor and given the circumstances, I could if you wanted to see them."
"No," I said quickly. "I'm just- I'm kind of hungry." I mumble feeling strange.
"The cafeteria is closed but I could get you something out of the vending machines if you want. We have chips and candy bars. I could also tell one of the interns to run out to get you something if you want from a fast food place." She offered kindly.
My stomach growled but I doubted I could hold anything but pretzels down. "Uh, does the vending machine have pretzels?" I asked nervously.
She nodded and went to retrieve them.
When did things get so messed up?
At seven thirty in the morning my parents came. They left my brother at home, probably didn't want to freak him out with everything that was going on. I wondered if he even knew what was going on. I wouldn't be surprised if they sheltered him from it.
"Ashton!" My mom said kneeling at my bedside and touching me lightly before pecking my cheek. "I had no idea you felt like this." She whispered and I could hear the edge of tears in her voice.
"Why didn't you tell us about this?" My dad asked looking concerned.
I didn't answer. Instead I just curled my head away and re focused on the window. It had stopped raining now.
"We should have seen the signs, we just- we had no idea you," My broke starting to cry her head on my chest. "I'm so glad we didn't loose you." She whispered out.
"Georgia don't push too hard, the doctors said he'd be fragile." My father said to her putting his hand on her shoulder.
Fragile. Two months ago, fragile wouldn't have described me at all. I still didn't think it fit but taking into account of where I was and because of what reason, yeah I guess it did.
My mother pulled away but kept her hand on my shoulder. "Ashton, we're going to get you help. We talked to the doctors about this a lot." She said slowly pushing back her emotions. I wish she had handed down that trait to me. I really needed an off switch.
"You are going to have to stay here until your bones heal of course, and a psychiatrist is going to come daily to talk to you while you are, but after that we have talked about a plan."
"Georgia, it might be best if we give him some time before we go into all this." My dad interrupted again.
My eyebrows shut up. "No, I want to know, what did you talk about?" I was alarmed, was I going to have to stay in the psych ward? With all the schizophrenics and fruit loops who were dangerous?
Mom looked at me sadly. "Your father's right we should wait to talk about this. You have obviously been over whelmed." She said and brushed my hair out of my face affectionately.
"No, tell me." I said meaning it to sound more certain than it came out.
Dad looked at me and crouched down. "Okay, okay. You do have the right to know." He said reasoning more to himself than to me.
"The doctors talked to us about a boarding school in California. It's new, and sort of caters to cases like yours."
Cases, like mine?
Mom continued for him. "Young men between sixteen and twenty who- need extra help-," I could tell she was picking her words wisely. "to deal with life's struggles."
"For guys who attempted suicide?" I asked and my dad nodded.
"It's just to get you back on your feet a bit. You go to classes, can do sports and things but there are people there specialized to help you through it. Every floor has a psychologist as a R/A, and it will give you time away from what ever is stressing you out here, and it will allow you to keep on track with school. Unless is that what has you- it's not worrying you is it? They said if that was the case they have a number of arrangements that can be made, everything from private tutors to supervised online classes if that's what you need."
"But- California, that's on the other side of the country." I protested.
"We know sweety, but the doctors said that the school would be really good for you, most boys only stay for a year or two, and you can come home on breaks if you are doing well." My gave my forehead another kiss. "You don't have to worry about that right now, just get some rest. Anyway I'm sure it will be a good opportunity; show you your not the only one that feels this way," She said comfortingly.
"You might find out that your problems are minor in comparison to kids who have real-," My dad stopped as my mom shot him a death look. "I mean bigger problems."
Right, bigger problems.