anyway, though, this isn't about how fucked-up education is these days, it's about me (because i'm a selfish bitch) and today, the tears that threatened to spill over hollow cheekbones and bitten lips. (i read somewhere that it's a sign of anxiety disorders - chewing your lips and the skin around your fingernails. or maybe i'm just looking for attention)
but i didn't cry. i laid my head down on my desk for two minutes (counting seconds) and then returned to the same essay every student in that classroom wrote.
so, yeah. i promise. there's nothing romantic about this shit, the depression and anxiety and all the other disorders i live by. so stop making it sound beautiful, or enviable. it's not even poetic. i was going to try and make this poetic, but there's no point, because it isn't. i'm just another crazy teenager on the verge of suicide. and god, i don't even smoke. i don't even drink. (anymore.) i just... starve. binge. purge. cry. sleep. don't sleep. work. laugh. lie. smile. starve some more. count. ignore my homework. make friends. lose friends. and forget.
i forget everything. i forget everything. what the fuck am i doing to myself?