author notes: Obviously I would never do any of this, just wrote it when bored at age 15. Not to be taken seriously.

1. Wonder aloud just how much money the deceased left you in their will.1

2. Get up and say you have a speech ready. Read off a long list of every bad thing the deceased ever did, then sum it up with " Aren't we all glad that guy's dead now?"2

3. Wear yellow from head to toe. Paint a smiley face on your shirt. When people stare at you, say, " Don't worry, be happy!"3

4. While the minister outlines what a great person the deceased was, begin laughing hysterically. Gasp out loudly, " I'm sorry, It's just so ironic to hear a preacher lying- and in church too!"4

5. Every time you see someone crying, poke them in the back of the neck. Act like you're innocent no matter how obvious it was that it was you.5

6. Begin talking to the deceased as if they were alive. Pretend you are communicating with the ghost. Then suddenly gasp and ask them what it's like in hell.6

7. Announce that you had an affair with the deceased. Keep insisting regardless of the person's age, gender, race, or integrity.7

8. Upon seeing the corpse, insist she's not dead, you saw her blink. Wave your hand in front of her face, scream her name hysterically, and give her CPR. 8

9. Upon seeing the corpse, insist it's not a real person, it's a wax dummy. Poke it with pins. When it doesn't bleed, insist that means it's a dummy.9
10. Ask why the heck everyone's bringing flowers to a person who can't see or smell them.10

11. Say loudly to whoever's listening, " You know, I always felt bad when I'd ask for this guy to drop dead, but now I know the good Lord understood. Praise Jesus!" ( this one's straight out of the movie Heathers, but it's still funny lol)11