1. " Uh, Dad, just theoretically, what do you do if your condom breaks? Can you, like, tape it together, and it still works?"1

2. " How many guys do I have to sleep with before I'm officially a slut? I want to make sure I haven't crossed the line yet."2

3. " Hey dad, I finally got a summer job. I'm going to be famous too- I'm going to be in a porn flick! But first I have to get fake boobs. So can I have $7,000?"3

4. " Oh, all these doctors are full of it about cocaine being addictive. I tried it 272 times now and I'm not!"4

5. " Please dude, who are you kidding, you're an old fat man. Combing the hair over to one side doesn't hide bald spots. Face it, you are old."5

6. " Mom, Dad, it's really lucky you guys found each other because otherwise you would have both died virgins. Who else would want either of you?"6

7. " What would you say the most effective position for getting pregnant is? I want to be sure to avoid that one."7

8. " No, Mom, the name of my boyfriend really has been tattooed on my forehead. It's not marker."8

9. " You know, it really hurts when my boyfriend's tongue ring gets caught on my belly button ring."9

10. " You know mom, you could be really pretty if you'd lose 50 pounds, grow your hair and dye it platinum blonde, lay in a tanning bed, zap your cellulite, get a boob job and face lift, and froze off your moles. Anf i you bleeched and straightened your teeth and wore stilettos and miniskirts. In other words, if you looked totally and completely like a different person."10

11. " How much is a good price for pot? I dont' want them to rip me off."11

12. " Which do you think is more fun- really good drugs or really good sex? I can't decide..."12

13. "Hey, mom, this is my new boyfriend. Ever heard of Charles Manson? Well this is his son..."13

14. " School was boring today. Until it went up in flames. Guess I shouldn't have smoked next to the gas line."14

15. " Don't worry, hair grows. And green is a cool color. My brother's gonna be the coolest two-year-old ever, he needed a makeover! You oughtta thank me!"15

16. " Right, you didn't really like that $3000 dollar vase, right?"16

17. " Hi, Mom? Uh, you want to know where I am? In jail, actually..."17

18. " Uh, just wondering, if you backed a car into a garage, any way to hide it?"18
19. " Oh, come on, I wasn't lying. I was expressing my creativity."19

20. " You can't find your money? Um, maybe I did borrow it a little. Um, yeah I did need the $5000 badly as a matter of fact. NO I'm not telling you why!"20