overstimulating
my brain
with the intake of
caffeine
anxiety
self-hatred

deluding myself
into believing,
one day
i will set myself
free from this cage
i am voluntarily
trapped within

that, eventually,
as time progresses
contempt for
the things familiar
to me will become
contentment; i will
learn to love
myself for who i am
stop punishing
my body for sins
it didn't commit

i did not drench
my hands in the blood
of a white rabbit
for the slaughter,

or twist the knives of vengeance,
purposefully enslave anybody
in the mess
i have created,
that is

reopening the wounds
i tried to bandage shut
but no matter how much
i love and want to heal,
it is impossible for me
to genuinely like myself

and every time i believe
i am free, the legs
of the white rabbit
are broken by my hands
because you don't deserve
to love or feel loved
;
you deserve to be godless

you deserve tenfold
the torment you're inflicting
upon yourself,

you are contemptible,
you are neither the rabbit
nor its captor, you, dear
were never courageous
enough to chase after
or snatch at the things
you sought, so you
must be the hatred that
bred between animal
and man

alive, but not human
knowing nothing other
than hate, the inherent
tendencies toward
self-destruction

your cage is your god,
yet it cannot and will not
save you