Warning: Potty mouths run rampant here, so don't read if you're squicked out by uncouth language. And slight sexual themes for this chapter, but definitely heavy ones to come for the second chapter!

"Don't go", I mumble and pull him tighter, as if that would stop him. He stirs against the covers and slowly moves away.
My mouth is dry, and my throat's on fire.
"You son of a bitch, didn't you hear me? Stay for a while."
I chuck a magazine at him which he dodges without an effort. Fucking Mr. Perfect.
"Shut up, you're going to wake up the whole entire floor." By this he means 'I don't want anyone knowing I was here.'
"You didn't tell me to shut up when I was screaming your name last night" is what I want to say, but I'd rather kill myself then admit it.

And it has nothing to do with the fact that it'd make him leave faster.
"You don't even fucking start classes until 12" I groaned, shielding my eyes from the early morning sun.
Never mind my crumbling pride.

He accidently picks up my boxers, but then he finds his brand name Calvin Klein ones.

"Since when did you turn into a girl? Besides your roommate's going to be gone after 7, I'll come around then" he says, slipping his long legs into his jeans.

I bite my tongue, I salvage what's left of my manly pride and try to go back to sleep, knowing fully well I can't with him nearby. But I turn my back anyways. It wasn't long before I heard the door click. I close my eyes.

I wake up at 3:37 pm, and I'm grateful that I don't have any classes. I get up and put on my clothes, ignoring that his scent is all over it. I freshened up and left the room, because it was making me depressed.
The wind slapped my face as I walked around campus. Through my peripheral I see Steve, my roommate, walking towards me.

"Yo, Caden! You get it in last night?" he grins while giving me a high-five.

It's funny, because it's the other way around.

I slide the collar of my shirt down to show him the humongous hickey Sean gave me on my lower neck and wink. He gives me another high-five.

"You owe me bro, frickin' Jose's room smells like ass."

"Yeah yeah, I owe you" not really paying attention as I brush my hair and smile at a couple of girls walking past. Of course they smile back. Steve shakes his head. I laugh.

"I can't help it if the ladies love me" not to stroke my ego, but majority of them do. Hell, I'm pretty sure most guys would be gay for me.

So why can't he?

One of the girls was wearing a tank top, and when she folded her arms her cleavage plunged. I couldn't help ogling. I'm a straight boy deep inside. Just happening to pine after a closet gay man in denial. I realize one of the girls in the middle was giving me the eye. She's pretty bold because she wiggles her pointer finger at me, motioning me to come. Steven and I think that's cute as hell. I walk up to her. The thing about girls is that she would have never done this if she was by herself, but when they're in a group they get a strange confidence about them.

"Hey how are you guys?"

They giggle and nudge each other, but the middle one, who's petite and dark haired, looks determined. Like a cat ready to catch a mouse. It's making me slightly self-conscious and flattered at the same time.

"I've seen you around a couple times before. Just thought it was about time to say 'hi'" She said and waved. I thought that was adorable. She was probably a freshman.

"Yeah? Well "hi" my name's Caden. Y'wanna get a cup of coffee or something?" I motioned to the campus café. I see the girls getting giddy.

"Yeah I'm free anyways." Her black hair shined against the sun, and for a moment it reminded me of him. It's always freakin' Sean with me.

I buy her a caramel latte, and got a frappacino for myself. She's smiling, but I know she's nervous. Deep down I hope I'm not leading her on too badly. Her name is Sharon, an undergraduate majoring in business.

"I've seen you around a lot, usually with girls or other people. Never really had the courage to talk to you until now." She looks down and smiles because she's embarrassed.

"Oh man really? I've…." I trail off not knowing how to say "I've never seen you before" nicely. "I'm so oblivious to my surroundings and stuff I really don't notice people I don't know" I say lamely. She rolls her eyes knowing exactly what I meant.

"I never expected you to notice me or anything" I'm starting to feel self conscious for her. "But I thought it was nice of you to entertain me anyways. You're a really nice guy, I thought you'd be an ass to girls or something."

I thank her. Times like these, I wish I wasn't so self-destructive and fall for a person like her. Straight up with her feelings and emotions. Instead I had to be obsessed with the world's biggest douche ever.

"Oh SEAN! I didn't know you'd be here!" A shrill female voice rang throughout the café. All of a sudden my body froze like someone dumped a bucket of cold water on me.
Oh shit, not right now. Part of me knows I'm happy because I missed him so much than I ever want to admit, and the other really didn't need to deal with his bullshit right now. I look to my left and felt my heart pang. There he was, with his annoying silky black hair that stood out from his pale white skin. He was with another girl, who was in a heated eye battle with the other girl. Unsurprisingly, he looked bored by the whole scene and annoyed.

I should look away. Pretend that I don't even see him, because that's what he'd do to me. But I can't, because of some masochistic streak I have. He turns his head and sees me without any sign of recognition. He glances over to Sharon then looks away. I glare at him; my blood is pulsing through my veins. I feel someone touch my hand. I look to see Sharon eyeing me confused.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah yeah, hey I'm really sorry about this but I don't feel so good. Facebook me ok? My name's under Caden Bourke, that's B-O-U-R-K-E. See ya later?" I force a smile, which probably came off more like an ax-wielding murderer than cute at that point. I bolt out of there, not caring if it looked like I was running away. I felt guilt eat away my mind, but there was no way I could be in the same room with him without bursting.

Jesus Christ, leave it to the prick to ruin any piece of game I have. Deep inside I know it wouldn't have led to anything. The annoying voice inside my head tells me I haven't slept with anyone except for Sean for god knows how long. The heat radiates from my head, and I need to calm down before I go back into my dorm. I ran to the west side of campus, until I saw the familiar lake full with geese and feces. I plop down to the bench and rub my temples.
He always has girls hanging around him, despite the fact he treats them like garbage. Not that I could blame them.
It's not just because he's handsome.
It's not just because his hard black eyes seem to suck your very soul, or how his stupid silky hair is always kept in place. There was just something about him that draws him to you. You know it's dangerous from the start but you just get closer. Like moths flying to fire.
I see a goose preening another goose's long neck. My fingers reach up to the hickey Sean gave me. Sean is the world's biggest closet case. Damn his fag ass all the way to hell. All the freaking things I would do for him and all the girls I haven't seen for him.

I feel a drop fall on my shoulder, I ignore it. Ten minutes later, it became a downright thunderstorm, I quickly ran back to my quad. I nearly break my neck slipping on the floor but I caught myself and tossed my wet clothes to the hamper. I jump into bed and before I even know it I fall asleep. That is, until the bed shifted.

"Steve?" I grumbled, cranky from waking up. The lights were turned off, and I could only make out his silhouette.
"So now Steve goes on your bed like this?" the smooth low voice growl and all thoughts of sleep are gone.

"S-Sean?" I sputter and look at the clock. It's 7:50pm, Steve's gone home for the weekend. He's on top of me and kisses me hard.

"Who was that girl with you today?" He asks, slightly peeved. I couldn't help but smile at his jealousy. I hold him close to me, close enough so that by the time he's gone he'll smell like me.

"A girl I met named Sharon, she's a pretty cool undergradu—"

"So you're fucking her now?" He pulls away from me and even through the dark I see him staring down at me like a hawk. I roll my eyes.

"I don't sleep with every girl I talk to ya'know" He grips my chin hard.
"Good, because I don't like to share" He pulls my head in and kisses me again.
"Yeah well nobody knows I'm yours, if you don't show it" I retort and this time I push him away. He sighs.
"Look, I don't have to deal with this again—"
"No YOU LOOK Sean, how the hell can you tell me who I can fuck or not when you do whatever the hell you want?" He narrows his eyes.
"What's up your ass today?" He snarled.
"What's up my ass? How about the fact that you don't even acknowledge me in public? Did you ever even happen to think how I feel? How I feel when there's bimbos hanging shoving their tits up your face, and you're complaining when I talk to a few girls?" Without even knowing I fist his shirt to bring him face to face with me. Once again Sean fucking Rohal is looking at me with a blank expression when I'm pouring my heart out.

He blew air right on my face, like a child fogging up the car windows. I could deck him right across the face.

"What am I to you? We've been doing the same crap for four years. Fuck buddies? Boyfriends?" I let out, my heart pounding. The adrenaline is pumping throughout my body.

Because I fucking love you, you bastard.

"Well what do you expect, Caden? That we can go around town holding hands and frolic happily down the street? I don't think so" He knocks my hand with his arm and he's free again.

"I didn't say that we'd have to scream that we're together in public. At least stay with me overnight or be next to me in campus. Nobody here even cares, Steve wouldn't, THE STUDENTS…NOBODY! Even if they did we could move out to a place that doesn't. Man, I would go anywhere for you!" I slam my fist at the table.

And I hate that I'm blurting out all these unspoken words.

I clench my jaw and breathe heavily.
"Alright if you're going to be like this I'm going to go back to my place" He's shaking his head as he walks away.

My heart is breaking and my head is pounding.
Might as well just get this over with.

"I love you, asshole. I fucking love you." He stops midway but doesn't turn around. I just killed the elephant in the room. My throat feels clogged up, like my Adam's apple's suffocating me.

"I love you, and I want you so much it's not even funny. And I know you love me just as much as I do but you're such a pussy. But I can't do this anymore" I pause, waiting for him to say anything. He doesn't.

"It's not fair. It's never been fair. I'm done with this. It's either you tell me that you fucking love me and that you're willing to make this relationship work, or we're through. Whatever we have now, it's going to be over." I cross my arms, and every breath I take is painful. My whole body is shaking and I feel like this night was an eternity.

Sean doesn't even turn around; he turns the door knob and shuts the door quietly behind him.
And I feel my heart stop.
I fall back on my bed and clench my eyes shut to hold back the tears. I should have expected this. I should've known I was playing myself the past four years we were together. I want to tell myself I'll get over him.
But I know that's bullshit.

A/N: Just a short two chapter story I wrote a couple months back which I forgot about until recently. Editted it heavily and now I've grown so attached to the characters. Enjoy and please R&R!