The gun was my kryptonite. The black barrel gun pointed directly at my mother's head trigger going off, leaving her limp sideways on the floor facing the entryway to the apartment. The gun turned my world to shattered pieces. The gun that I an eleven year old boy tried to wrestled from my father's hands but his father's strength proved to great that I was knock away. He turned the gun into his mouth looking directly into my eyes before he pulled the trigger on himself. My father's eyes falling back into his head bits of matter splattering my cheek. Leaving me to scream and cry at my own dismay. Sirens going off came closer. Banging on my front door came louder. But who was to answer when both my parents were dead. I couldn't stop shaking I couldn't stop screaming till my voice was raspy and then my world went black.
I tossed and turned shivering in a cold room. Lights buzzed overhead. Wet sheets clung to my face. Prying my eyes open to whispering voices. I was lying in hospital bed in an open room with other patience's looking in the direction of my aunt and uncle speaking with the doctor. I shifted to sit up throwing my legs over the bed jumping down landing on my feet. They overheard me walking towards them turning to glance at me. My aunt Tres grabbed hold of me tightly while my uncle Derek stroked my back soothingly. My aunt shook in sobs while I couldn't cry anymore. I tried to talk but all that came out was a croak. I reached a hand up to my throat again but all that came out was gasp of air. I was alarmed but before I could panic my aunt pulled away to verbally comfort my distress.
"Jace its okay, shh its okay the doctor said that you might not speak for awhile, so its okay. I'm here now, I am not going anywhere." My aunt cooed while smoothing out my hair.
My uncle gave me reassures by hugging my aunt. I was still startled that my voice wouldn't come out. I kept rubbing my throat because I didn't know what else to do. I wanted so much to ask her what happened and ask if they were okay but I couldn't.
My uncle Derek was a big pudgy man that was well over six feet came down on one knee and said "You going to be fine. So don't look like that okay. You have us now so speak when you're ready; you have all the time you need." He put a hand to my head ruffling hair before standing up. "Jace we'll be back okay. I'm gonna go talk to the doctor to see if you can come home with us and I'll send your aunt out to get you something to eat. Does McDonalds sound good?" I nod. "Well good, now go lay back down." They both smiled before I turned away heading back towards the cot.
On the way to my aunts and uncles house, I ate quietly at my burger in the back seat. My uncle seemed too calm while my aunt was crying quietly only seeing tears running down the side of her face but she made no sound. She didn't wanna distress me even more since I was already in shock. I kept having the moment of my father's face playing over in my head when he came home with a gun. He was silent but his face showed it all. But one thing that bothered me the most was why was I still alive. I don't get it. Why didn't he kill me? Why let me live. I wanted to see my mother again to be babied and for my father to come home and ruffle my head like my uncle did.
I looked at my burger and I didn't feel hungry anymore. Mom would have told me I was being rude if I didn't finish what other people bought me but I felt sick. I grab the McDonald's bag and shoved all the contents into it throwing it beside me on the seat.
I just glared out the window looking at the moving cars speed down the highway. I felt sad but I couldn't cry I felt angry but I couldn't yell. So what I was supposed to do.? I had just lost my parents but I couldn't wine as much as I wanted to. I was stuck. So I settle for scratching.
I scratched and scratched at my skin of my right fore-arm till it was red and little seeps of blood came out. You could hear the noisy scratching in the car till my aunt turned around stunted voicing out my name. My uncle pulled over to the shoulder when my aunt got of the passenger seat to ride in the back before the car was moving again. She had thrown the bag onto the floor and nestle herself in the middle of the seat grabbing both my arms and hugging me so I couldn't move. I looked up to glare into the car mirror to show how displeased I was. But she didn't see my stare instead she kept talking on and on about my two cousins Andrew and his younger sister Stephanie. How he made the soccer team and how Stephanie was learning to read in kindergarten.
She kept talking but I finally settled down enough to fall asleep.
I woke up the next morning on the bottom bunk of Andrew's bed. My body was covered in a wet layer of cold sweat my clothes clung to me. I curdle up my legs and posted my chin on top of my bent knees. I wanted to shower but my clothes were in my room across town. I looked around Andrews's room. A desk was in the corner with books on top and large stereo with massive speakers surrounded it. In the middle of the room was a small flat screen TV with an Xbox 360 and a bean bag chair laying in front. Posters with various rock bands scattered the walls with exception of a Scooby-doo poster behind the closed door. This year Andrew would be fourteen a three years difference. Assuming I won't be living in my home anymore with my parent's dead and all. I would be here in this very room with him. I wasn't eager about it. Andrew was a good cousin but sometimes he was mean. He gave me the nickname 'Stump' for me being so short and it really bothered me. It wasn't my fault I didn't hit a grow spur yet. Taking in a deep breath and letting it out. I just shook my head. Getting up off the bed, I went out the bedroom door making sure to closes the door quietly. I went to the office study looking for a pen and paper. Instead I found sticky notes but oh well it will have to do. I went to the kitchen to find my aunt talking on the phone and uncle making pancakes. I tap my uncle on the arm. He seemed startled at first I guess he didn't hear me come in. I start scribbling something down on the sticky notes and then showed it to him. "I want a shower." He read with his eyes squinting. "Oh, okay. Well I think we can get you an old shirt of my sons and maybe a pair of boxers."
He quickly flipped the pancake and left the room to return with an old superman shirt and black pair of boxers. Handing them to me I quickly nodded leaving the room to shower. I came back wearing the clothes my uncle had given and same pair of jeans from last night. Everyone seemed to be already up and eating when I came to sit down at the table sitting next to my cousin Stephanie and my Aunt at the end of the table. My cousin Andrew yawning sleepy continued to eat across from me with an empty seat next to him than my uncle at the head of the table. They didn't talk or anything they just ate silently. Silence wasn't what I need. I didn't need to think, is what I need. I needed good thoughts but they seem to stay quiet in a silent agreement because once again they didn't wanna say anything to upset me. Why worry of upsetting me when I couldn't be vocal. My Aunt Tres got up to serve me some pancakes and scrambled eggs putting a lot of syrup on them the way I like it. I nibbled at the couple of bits I had cut presumed just staring around the table. Everyone had their heads looking only at their food. I got frustrated. I took out my sticky notes scribbling down my harsh words in anger. I slammed down the note in the middle of my pancakes reading 'their dead so what are you gonna do about it' before storming off out the front door slamming the door behind me. I couldn't go far because well I forgot my shoes in my cousin's room and that would be really stupid of me to storm back in to get them. So I settled for the tire swing hanging off the old oak tree in the front yard.
I sat there swinging back and forth pretending it was my mother pushing me from behide. She would have giggled as my father sat on the porch smoking a cigarette. The wind was picking up so I started swing faster catching the breeze in my short brown hair. Imagining my mother saying how she loved my hair color because it reminded her of my deceased grandmother. Than my father would make some snappy remark saying I wouldn't have liked her cause she was a grouchy old woman than my mother would have swatted him playfully. They would laughed and tease one another than kissed, I would pretend to be grossed out telling to get a room they would try and tickle me, I would get away in fit of giggles retreating to my aunt and uncles house.
I had my eyes closed still swinging back and forth my movements getting slower untill I stop swinging facing down towards my lap. Opening my eye's hoping and wishing that they would be there, but hope is a lost cost because they weren't. They had left this world not taking me with them. I didn't care of the fact that my father had killed himself and my mother in cold blood but the fact is that why not me too. When I tried to fight my father and take the gun away but lost. I knew what would come next once my mother was dead but he didn't shoot me. Instead he shot himself. His eyes said it all. That bullet that shot him wasn't meant for him but me.
"Jace?" I turned my head to who was talking. Andrew sat down in the grass in front of the tire swing. He was fully clothed compare to when he was at breakfast. He just started ripping grass out of the ground trying to decide what to say. "Jace, I'm sorry."
My teeth clenched and my eyes scowled. He looked up at me before he was stunted into silence again. I didn't wanna hear pity. They didn't kill my parents and no damn pity would bring them back.
I got off the swing and kick my cousin in the knee. "Ow!" he yelled. I kicked him again in his ankle till he sprung up in pain yelping loudly. He was about 5'7" when he was standing. He looked pissed now that I hit him twice. "Stump, what the fuck man!" but that didn't stop me. I was on a roll, it felt good to let go of this frustrating sadness that was building.
So I lunged for him tackling him to the ground putting all my might of this eleven year old body to use. I smacked him, punch him in the gut but of course he didn't just lay there and take it. He lashed out hitting me hard on the lip with his knuckle. I felt the blood run down my chin but it didn't stop me it only carried onto the rage that had been sparked. Drawing my left hook I hit him right in the eye. He slumped back trying to cover his face trying to hide from my blows.
He was raged flipping us over and stared hitting me back. My uncle Derek came to the rescue pulling Andrew off me and lifting him like nothing before setting him in his mothers grasp. She tried to coo him using soothing words. My uncle came and lifted me off the ground throwing me over his shoulder like a rag doll. My arms swung at his back in protest since I couldn't speak. He ignored me walking passed the living room and the dining area to the hallway leading to the master bedroom.
He set me down on the bed before going back to close the door. He blocked the door with his massive body crossing his arms staring towards me. My only way out and he was blocking it. "Jace! Are we done! Are you done throwing tantrums? In this house there won't be any of that kinda behavior. You do not hit family!" My uncle bellowed. I knew he was pissed because I tussled with my cousin. I may have been landing good blows thanks to a few lessons in boxing when I was young but compared to Andrew he could have seriously hurt me and truthfully, I would have taken it. I glared at my uncle while he just stayed calm not effected by my mood. I let out a frustrated sigh and then nodded. "Good but if you're angry like that again I won't hesitate to swat you but if you ever again like that instead of taking out on people go for run around the block or something." I nod again.
A week later we went to my parent's funeral. Family came all round and some friends that I never heard of gave me their condolences but they were mostly interested in the murder. Stupid people. Andrew hasn't spoken to me since I gave him a black eye. He's been wearing sunglasses everywhere he goes. I bet at school he was having a hard time since he got punch by a little kid. I was supposed to start school next week in the elementary that Stephanie went to as a six grader and I wasn't looking forwarded to it. I hadn't gone back to my house since my aunt made it clear that she didn't want me to see the crime scene. She had gone to my house to pack only my stuff since everything else was considered evidence by the police. She now sat on the living room couch grieving the lost of her brother and her sister-in-law. Stephanie played quietly in the corner of the room with her doll and some other little kids around her age. People pick at the snacks that my uncle Derek had prepared that now laid out on the dining room table. Andrew flirted with some girl he brought over as a guess even though it wasn't a party. Uncle was outback drink with some other relatives. I sat in the loveseat scanning the room. Noticing the emotion in the house seemed so coldhearted. Nobody really cared to what happen to my parents. To them they were now nothing more than a death certificate now. I felt like during the past week their death made me grow mentally older than what I was. I still couldn't talk yet or cry. So it seemed really mean of me not to ball out in sobs. I wish I could. Then maybe the air in the room would change.
Later that afternoon everyone seemed to start leaving around five giving their final pity and goodbye till the next death. I escaped up stairs from all the hugging and kissing that was going on. I went into the bathroom locking the door. I sat on the toilet seat cover taking a deep breath and then letting it out. Losing the neck tie of my dressy black shirt my uncle done up this morning so I could breathe better. I started shivering my hands were getting clammy my heart was beating at a rapid pace I had racing thoughts. I saw flashes of blood in my head my mother lifeless on the floor. My father's green eyes intently looked at me. I ran my hands through my hair grabbing and pulling. My eyes were wide with fear. I felt hysterical. I got up and turned on the cold shower dumping myself under the cold spray fully clothed. I sat on the tub floor drawing up my knees. I cradle myself rocking back and forth biting on my lip. I bit down hard opening the old wound till I tasted blood. I push away the bad thoughts instead thinking that I was okay. Over and over telling myself it was going to be fine. I pictured my mother rubbing my back in soothing circles with my eyes closed. My rocking slowed down and I felt myself calm. Than aloud knock came to the door. "Jace, are you in there?" I didn't recognize the voice. So I tuned them out. I keep rocking even when the handle of the door started to jiggle. The loud banging came with my name being said over and over. But I didn't go to unlocked it. I just kept rocking remembering the day of the murder when sirens where wailing and banging on the door came louder. I squeezed my eyes shut when everything went quiet. Hearing the knob juggle a bit than the door open guessing they pick the lock. But I didn't open my eyes. "Jace!" I didn't know the voice I refused to look.
Then abruptly my rocking stopped someone had embraced me. I felt a hand loosen so whoever it was turned off the shower. Returning to hug me the person spoke "Open your eyes Jace I'm not gonna hurt you, I am your mom's best friend, Devin." Who was Devin I never met a Devin. But the name was pretty. And he was my mom's friend. I peeled my eye lids apart to see that the man was really beautiful it was shocking. He was dripping with water but it just made him even prettier. His black hair was damp but it seemed he had gelled it into a fohawk. His skin was tan with a pierced eyebrow and eyes the color of violet. In the middle of his lip was another silver ring. He now held me at a distance studying my face like I did him. I felt calmer just looking at him. "You okay, Jace?" I nodded. "Come let's get you out of the tub into some warm clothes." He quickly grabbed my hand pulling me to stand. I lifted one leg out of the tub than the other till I was standing on the rug of the bathroom floor dripping wet. He was shorter than Andrew when he was standing about 5' 3" and his body was slim he didn't look much older than twenty-eight. I wondered how my mother met him. I spotted concerned eyes of my aunt and uncle near the doorway. I looked down embarrassed at my trauma.
He still had my fingers laced in his when pulled me out of the bathroom to across the hall to Andrew's room. He took my shoulders and sat me down on the desk chair. I stared at the floor in shame. He was rummaging through a box of clothes that had my name write on it. He pulled out a night blue t-shirt with a pair of underwear and some shorts. I glance up at him than he smiled before placing them on the desk than leaving the room. I change quickly. Leaving the room to go down stairs; I wanted to learn just who this Devin was.