You Were the One I thought I could Keep

You were the one I thought I could keep.

All I ever wanted was to hold you close,

And let you know that I was there.

I will admit that I was insanely clingy…

But it wasn't my entire fault.

No, I'm not going to blame your father.

This time it's my past.

I had a son once before you…

I was young and stupid and it all happened so fast.

Before I knew it, this cute little brunet boy with my eyes and Robin's hair was in my arms.

I kept him for two months before finally giving in…

No, I it wasn't Max, or Conny, or even my grandparents telling me to give him up.

It was I.

I couldn't look at him without thinking of who his father was, and what that man had done to me.

So I gave him away to a couple moving to Montana…

I've regretted it ever since I handed him over.

I'm sorry for smothering you whenever you were home from school,

But the fact that I couldn't see you

You, the one I thought I could keep.

Was and always has been killing me.

I love your sister just as much,

But no one understands what it's like to lose a certain child because of memories,

Only to lose another for me being over clingy… thanks to your father sending you away.

I know it would have calmed down after a while, but no one gave it that chance.

I became a monster, which even I was ashamed of for you to call mom.

But now it's over.

All over…

I have decided to let you go, even if it hurts more than being stabbed repeatedly.

I've become numb to you…

I'll still call you son, but I can't do this anymore.

I loved you more than life itself…

But now I can only love what I wish I had with you.

This is from the point of view from my original character Lola. When she was in her teens she ended up having a child, a baby boy, with a man who she couldn't love. She ended up giving up the child and has regretted making that decision ever since.

Well later she met her current husband and they had two children. A girl and later a boy. Well with the boy she wanted to make sure that he knew he was always loved and would never give him away like she had before. This developed into her becoming the very definition of a clingy, over protective parent. Which led to her husband, not knowing that she had had a child before and what had happened, suggested and later shipped their son off to a school in Michigan. That just made things worse, for both Lola and her son, Magne's, relationship.

Over the years Lola has calmed down a great deal, but unfortunately all of this has caused a giant hole in Lola's heart. She still loves Magne, but it's just all too much now.