Kiss My Booboos

Thursday July 28, 2011

I'm over thinking something so simple

I can't find the right words I need to say

I miss you

It is all I can think of

But it doesn't seem like enough

I miss home

But still something is missing

I miss who I am when you are there

You make me into something better

You make all the bad feelings stop

You make me feel safe and loved

As well as scolded and childish

You make me forget what I've done

Or what I wish I had done

You take my dark soul and make it better

But still I am not

I'm not better

I see this when you're not there

I feel the blade call to me

I feel my blood sing for the release

I miss you so much

And all I want to do is change for you

For myself

But I don't know if I can

I've become so relent on you being there

I'll crumble and fall without

I'll fall back into what I know

I'll fall and you won't be able to catch me

Maybe I need to grow on my own

Maybe I need to figure out who I am

Without your help

I'm strong

I know I'll last

But maybe I don't want to

I miss when life was easy

When all my booboos could be kissed better by my mum

And I'd be fine

But now I've got booboos I can't see

I wish you could kiss them better and I'd be fine

But you can't

And I need to learn to heal them myself

Cause you won't always be there to heal me

No matter what I wish

I need to stop thinking that I'm your baby girl

Cause now I'm a young women

But I still miss my mummy and my daddy

And I just wish that you'd see that

Cause

It hurts me so much to look in the mirror

And know

What I know about me

And to look you in the eyes and say I'm fine

To say I'm growing up and getting better

When all I really want is for you to fix me with a kiss

And tell me how no matter what I do mommy and daddy

And brother

And aunty

And every single family member will love me

No matter what

But you can't

You can't fix me with a kiss

Or simple words

I'm so broken

I'm so sad and pathetic

It hurts my soul to know every day you've fought for me

I wished I was dead

Every minute you cried over me

I cried over pain that I felt for no reason

I can't change

I've tried time and time again

I thought I was getting better

Thought I'd be normal

But then it all came back

The pain hurts

My chest hurts

I miss you mummy

I love you

I love dad

I love Amala

I love Abby

I love Nana and Granddad

I love Cheddi and Diana

I love everyone

Even Ma

But sadly

I don't love myself

Too bad that can be fixed with simple words and a kiss