I'm sure you all want to know the secrets of my failures. To some of you, failing school is a hard and unapproachable task. But honestly, have you even tried to fail? Today, you'll be learning how to fail school. In brief, always procrastinate your homework, ignore your teachers and never ever touch that textbook and study.

Back in the old days, I never did my homework. Well, actually I did it 20 minutes before class. Detention doesn't sound fun and neither does getting yelled at by a teacher. Do your homework with a half-assed attitude and you won't get in trouble ever. All this extra time at home can be spent on video games and instant messaging. Additionally, you should care about your outlook. Pretend to be smart and answer other peoples' questions. Stay online on MSN Messenger and wait for people to message you for help. Trust me, you'll feel better even without good grades. At least you get someone's "thank you". It boosts a LOT of self esteem and makes people respect you more. Save your homework time for play time and you'll definitely fail school in no time.

What would you do in class while the math teacher mumbles and jumbles about midpoints and bisectors of triangle lines? Definitely, ignore all the knowledge they're trying to share with you. Listen to the important things like if the office calls you down for a "meeting" or if the announcements are on. But indeed, ignore your teacher but stay awake. You'll have a lot of free time to think about the most random things in class like who you'll marry and when you'll die. Obviously, it's more worthwhile than listening to stuff you'll be tested on in the future. Limit your brain in class and you'll be able to fail school quickly and painlessly!

Textbooks are such a pain on the back. Trust me, I'd know. Previously, I had to carry at least five textbooks a day. It was a PAIN! Save your time and energy and leave your textbook in your locker or at home, under your bed. If you do need it in class, just rely on your desk partner and if they forget, just pretend like you have a textbook. And don't ever think about reading it at home or ever scarier, READING AHEAD! Geez, do you want to be a nerd? Who the hell reads ahead? And why…? Obviously, you'll learn it in class so why use up valuable time for reading excess lessons? Don't even bother. Time is in ideal thing in your life and it should not be spent on textbooks. Fail school faster, ignore all your resources.

Now that you've had a clear understanding, I'm sure you'd want to follow my footsteps and I'm glad you're becoming like me! I hope we can meet in the future downtown. In fact, you owe me a coffee as of now. I've given you all these valuable tips so you definitely need to pay me. After all, I'm a homeless person now and I don't have money so just look at me and pity me. Thanks for reading and please don't take any of this seriously! =)