By saying 'never say never' you are saying NEVER
Otherwise he would say Amen
in the Macomb mystification;
he could kill me, or touch me
but he could never guess who I really am,
I am nothing
to him, she must
tell herself this over and over and over again
or else she might forget that what she
feels is not universal, who she is
is not what he wants, just something
she has made herself believe in the summer
when she knelt and vomited over
the thought of displeasing him, or fainting
when she actually did, she remembers
dancing in the night, and growing her hair longer
only to cut it when it displeased him.
She remembers laughing at the way he yelled
out her name, or the way he slammed
doors shut to be alone with her; in love
she thought, an accidental brush of the
hand a declaration, a saved sticky note with
her hand writing, a passionate token of
who she was that he was keeping for when
she left a room, her silence, was a punishment,
his neglect was a way to show her that he cared;
poems were forbidden, to speak the truth
forbidden, they were innuendo, they were pain.
When he went to Mexico she walked the
streets alone, read novels about war, spoke
his name in a flurry, through herself at the wall
like a mad woman, forgot that she had already forgotten
herself; he did not know the revenge meant for him
that she took on for herself, alone, in the heat and the sun
when she had nothing else to do but sob,
and take another step away, write names on rocks
and burry them in the deepest part of the river.
By saying 'never say never'
what he really meant was NEVER.