Sometimes I wake up from nightmares, thinking I see Chase standing over me. The dark still frightens me, along with severe claustrophobia. For a long time after Chase was gone, I believed he would somehow get better and come for me, but he never did. Still, some things never leave you. The need to hurt others because you've been hurt is one of them.
I sit here now, beside a boy the same age I was when Chase nearly drowned me. This boy is also my cousin, different side of the family, not even related to Chase. He's so innocent, just like I was, as he rocks along with me on the bench swing. It's also obvious that he is bored out of his mind.
Sometimes the urge is strong.
"Do you want to play a game?"
Sometimes I want to do the same that Chase did to me.
"It's called Master and Servant."
It's like a physical pain that just won't go away. Chase made me this way, gave me that need.
"The servant does anything the master wants."
But in the end….
"I'll be the servant and you can be the master."
I'm not Chase, and I never will be.