Well, I hate my mother-in-law,
And your brother is a pig
That hair style is atrocious
And yes, your butt looks big

I've never really cared
For that shirt you wear all the time
Here, let me lend you a mirror
So you don't get dressed blind

Is honesty the best currency
If everbody wants a refund?

So, I'll smile like a fool
When you ask me how you look
But then you demand an answer
And I'm caught on the hook

I say that you look fine-
Then you just had to say "No, really"
So I go ahead and speak my mind
While I pray that you don't kill me

Why does everything I do right
Always turn out wrong in the end?

((Chorus)) I guess you could say life's a comedy
Of trial and error
Laughter and terror
We're so caught up in these ridiculous things
Thata we just can't seem to see
The only part that matters
Is that you're right here
With me ((End Chorus))

Well, surprise: it's your birthday
And I hand you my gift
But will that smile be on your face
When you find out you've been gypped?

So, you frown as you open it,
Now what will I do?
I thought it was the perfect choice
But you say you already have two

How was I supposed to know?
Do I have a sleigh? Do I look like Santa?

Then you tell me that it's fine,
But I know it's not okay-
I'm pretty sure I'll find it
Tomorrow on eBay

I'm wondering if I ever
Will finally catch a break-
Then your eyes bulge out as you're choking
On my home made cake!

I try to look on the bright side
But I can't find my arsenic...

((Chorus))

It's the family camping trip;
A big cookout, lots of food
Marshmallows being roasted,
But who eats burning sticky goo?

Some things, I don't understand
But I play along so they'll think I'm sane

I forgot and left the food out
It's in the open air
Thought I'd get to it later;
Just didn't really care

So I'm telling a ghost story,
Everyone is feeling scared-
'Cause we hear something in the bushes
But it's not a ghost that's there!

Now it's time to exit stage left
While being pursued by a bear

((Chorus x2))

**Author's Note** As I was on the computer earlier this morning, I "heard" Weird Al singing the first couple lines of the chorus in my head, and it just took off from there. I encourage you to "hear" this in Weird Al's voice too. :)