I don't know why I think anyone will read this. Hardly anyone has read the rest of this story. Maybe it's a desperate cry for help, or maybe it's just a coping method. I'm not really sure.
Either way, it's over.
He said that he needed to focus on himself. That he had too much to deal with. Work, school, family issues. He can't have anyone be emotionally dependent on him. He's so stupid. Ending the relationship won't make me any less dependent on him emotionally. Especially considering what he did.
He told me he loves me.
He says that he still loves me, but we can't be together right now. How am I supposed to believe him? He says he loves me, but he left. What kind of a joke is this? I'm being lied to. I want to believe him, but how can I? We still talk. It's almost the same, but only almost. He takes longer to respond than he used to, and our conversation is often less casual. He's too polite. I just want things to be the way they were before. That's something I can never have.
I just thought I was worth more to him than this. I thought I was worth his honesty,
But I'm not.
I thought I was worth his wait,
But I'm not.
He says he doesn't want to strain the relationship. That if we try and force it now when things are rough for him, then we might break it permanently,
But he left me.
He left me all alone. Leaving for college was hard, but I knew it would be easier because I had him. Now he's gone. He left me all alone in a strange place with no friends. Someone who loves me, wouldn't do that.
He said he wanted to know that I would be ok without him. I said I didn't know. Now I think I do. The answer is no. I won't be ok without him. I hope he never leaves entirely. He says that he doesn't want me out of his life. He wants to stay friends. If I had a dollar for every time those words were said and never meant. I want to believe him. I hope he isn't lying.
For now, I have to assume that he is, because if he isn't, I'll break all over again.
For now, I'm not ok. I won't be ok tomorrow, or next week, or the week after that, but I will be someday.
For now, I have to hold onto the hope that maybe, he can learn to love me again.
For now, I have to say that I love him, and he hurt me, and that that is the way it is.
Goodbye, Skylar. Our story is over. For now.