why do i run away from the past?
it's nothing scary, nothing to be feared of,
but you know, i've always been looked down on.
people look down on me, and view me as an inferior,
i'm always afraid, so i hid at home and talked
to myself. maybe i'm just lonely.
i wanted friends, but no one cared to be one,
and they all shun me, like i was radioactive.
my results were plain shit, i never tried hard for studies.
i was fat and ugly, my classmates made fun of me
when i was a mere 9 year old girl, defenseless against bullies.
i told my father, he complained, and i had lesser friends.
friends? no, not a single one. my best friend left me when i was
in grade 2, 8 year old. but i stayed in contact.
when i graduated to a new school,
i was still bullied, because i was too smart:
because i worked hard when i got there, i could get good results
and they were jealous-beings that hated on me.

no, i'm not complaining
on how my life could have been
or how awful- no it wasn't awful-
i'm just
reminiscing (unhappily) and wanting not to look back
to the past again because i'm a new person right now,
but the music i listen to remind me of how
inferior i was, but now i have friends, many friends,
i'm okay at my studies, my parents love me,
i grew slimmer, i look average and that's why,
i'm normal now, no one badmouths me, but i still couldn't forget
the times where i felt so inferior to others.

that's why i always worked hard to not be looked down on
and sometimes i care too much about what others say
but damn it all, i just can't forget.
it's something i never will be able to forget,
i can't.
and sometimes remembering hurts
so i lock all those painful-to-recall memories in the bottom
of my heart so i'll never
feel so hurt again.