To my little cousin, Allyson.
We only spent one summer together. One tiny little summer, one summer out of fifteen I've already experienced, and one summer out of countless summers to come.
Still, I found myself drawn to you. My tiny, beautiful little cousin. Only four years old, still so new to the world. (The world is very lucky to have you) Your very smart for your age, you should know that.
I loved being around you, and I loved that you loved being near me.
I came there because I was having family problems. Me, my mother, my father, and my three sisters. All of us, so many different problems all converging in one family. I didn't bring them with me, I went alone. I needed to get away.
I was pretty depressed when I got down there, but the moment you came to me, the glow spread from your heart, and it went straight to mine. You made me smile. You made me laugh. You made me never want to leave. The thought of leaving you, it made me cry a little. Whenever I remembered that this wouldn't last, I'd hold you closer, tighter.
I never wanted to let go.
You curled up in my lap when you scared. You ran around the house, laughing as I chased you. I'd hide, and you'd run through the house all over again, just to find me. (I abandoned the thought of being found, long ago. But you did it.) You hugged me, you told me you loved me. Which I really needed. We ate at the table together, we ran through the yard. If you fell down, I ran to you, to make sure you were okay. And you did the same back.
I told you stories, so you wouldn't be scared. We slept in the same bed. And even though I'm all grown up, I'm still afraid to be alone. So, sleeping next to you made me not so scared. You were a very comforting presence.
Being with you...it really made me wish things could have been different for my family.
When I left...when I went back home...I was very sad.
I didn't want to leave you behind. I didn't want to leave you in the situation I did.
Because, when I left, things were starting to get not so good for your family either. Your mom, your dad, and your sisters. Very similiar, no? But I hear things are better now, atleast a little. And I'm glad.
When I was down there, I promised myself I would protect you. I think I did an okay job...
But I'm not there to protect you anymore.
I'll be back, you know?
Because I miss you so much. I don't understand completely why I miss you so much, or why it hurts me so much to be away. I hope you don't forget me. That would break my heart. But if you do, that's okay. Your so little, I can't ask you to remember things just yet.
I dream about you alot. Sometimes we're happy, sometimes we're crying. But we're always hugging. Always together.
Your probably never gonna read this, but it felt nice to write it. For some reason, I almost cried writing it. I don't know why. I don't know why I love you so much. Maybe it's because your so sweet, and pure, and innocent. Like how I used to be. And maybe I'm afraid that will all go away the older you get. I don't want that to happen to you. Not you.
Well, I guess I should stop now. I'm really starting to upset myself.
Well, just know I miss you, your smile, and everything about you. Don't ever let the world change you. Don't let it destroy you. Don't let it blow out your light.